and I believe our sitch is just we are both unhappy.
Well, I know why you are unhappy: your wife is divorcing you.
You've thrown out some ideas about why she is unhappy (e.g. neglect). Why do you think you "neglected" her? Just too familiar? Started to treat her like a guy buddy too much because she said you were her "best friend"? Turned her into your psychologist? Or did she try to become your mother in order to perfect you? I could go on and on, but...
What do you think happened?
Last edited by TimeHeals; 08/06/1003:37 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
IN CR last night, we talked about how men have no clue when it comes to intimacy. Not just sex but all the affection and love women need to feel fulfilled. I think a lot of WAW leave for the reason I am writing about. NEGLECT. Men often overlook it, and women often have an issue with telling their spouse they feel this way. Women get the idea that men should know, well we dont. Women feel that men should pick up on their hints and small leads that show they need more affection. Well obvioulsy we dont.
As far as my situation TH, WHen I would really have no interest in sex for a perid of time, my W felt I didnt want her, she did not feel wanted or needed. I explain to her that when I am stressed I have no interest. I have also dealt with low testosterone levels, which my W new about, and the Dr. said if your levels are as low as they have been no wonder you have no interest. I am also not a touchy feely guy, the W always wanted me to sit next to her during a movie or just watching TV. I would sit by myself, I am a personal space guy and dont like being close to anyone for very long.
These were all issues during our first S, I worked on them and slid back. THe issue is I can look back now and say "jesus why didnt I see myself sliding back" but at the time I just went along as if nothing has changed.
The W texted me and asked what time I dropped D off at daycare. responded and she replied with a K. I then simply wrote " I am working on a few things but since you have a busy day, if there is anything you need me to do, let me know. ANother way of me offering help for things, but if she doesnt respond i will leave it alone.
another thing about the "perfect you" statement. I think everyone feels they want to "mold" their perfect mate. But in reality, which most of them are not living in right now, that is not an option. People can change bad habits, but God made everyone to be themselves. Certain things can be changed, but not all, and especially not everything a WA wants changed in their spouse.
On the one hand, you claim that it was affectionate touching that she was missing, but on the other hand you say that acts of service is how you respond to this.
I am thinking that if it was touch that she was missing, then all the cards, roses, gifts, and kind acts of service in the world might not work to get through.
When was the last time you held her hand like it meant something?
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I do understand what your asking, but she is too cold right now, and I feel when I am around her without the kids she would rather lock herself in a room. It is not at a point today where I can move to show her that kind of affection.
I am thinking that if it was touch that she was missing, then all the cards, roses, gifts, and kind acts of service in the world might not work to get through.
The problem I have, as a woman, is once I feel detached the other person's touch would be unwelcome. They would have to woo me first - win me back. I think slow and steady wins the race in that situation.
He: WAH Me: LBW Precious: DD
~ I'm grateful for every day I have to improve the way I relate.
I am thinking that if it was touch that she was missing, then all the cards, roses, gifts, and kind acts of service in the world might not work to get through.
The problem I have, as a woman, is once I feel detached the other person's touch would be unwelcome. They would have to woo me first - win me back. I think slow and steady wins the race in that situation.
How would you feel about non sexual touches, like on the shoulder, for instance?
LRT, Thank you for stopping by, most of the posts have been from Men, so a woman's thought is appreciated. YOur statement is exactly why I have not tried to touch her in any way.
I felt the gift was a form of wooing and just a gesture of "you deserve it". If we werent at this point I would tell her how proud I am of her stepping up and working so much. The issue is she is doing it to build her own bank for the D I believe.
