What are you studying Sol? That sounds great!! congratulations! You'll be OK kid!
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Well any hope I had of thinking STBX and I could have an amicable D just went out the window. I called him to tell him that I would sign the house over to him and not involve lawyers (which is what he wants) if he wanted to settle with me. First he seemed ok with this until he realized I meant settlement as in $. He then proceeded to tell me that now he knows that I only care about $, how shitty of W I was, how I will regret all of this, etc. It turned into a lot of bickering back and forth on the phone. He said my idea "makes no sense" and that I should just sign the house over to him lickety-split and he's being generous by giving me all the furniture. Huh? This pains me because, hello, I signed over his green card to him and NEVER asked for anything in return and he filed for D. I told him I should have known what his character was when he told me if I didn't sign it that he would file for D. Grr. My heart was beating pretty fast and I was pretty upset on the phone. He told me he would not talk to me again until we are in court.
My thing is I don't understand why his proposed agreement is ok but anything I propose is stupid or makes no sense, in his opinion. This totally sucks.
He feels like a stranger to me. I have a feeling this could get very dirty which is not what I want at all.
There's no trust anymore. I would have loved to have settled everything without Ls -- although I truthfully still don't want a D. I came up with a proposal and she didn't like it so instead of making a counter proposal she hired an attorney and ... now her guy send my L letters about things we should handle between us and my guy has to forward it to me and bills me for 15 minutes, which equals another $60 down the drain.
Enough about me.
You'll have to get a L and don't agree to anything until talking to him or her.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
It goes way beyond trust at this point. The fog makes many waywards downright crazy. They'll propose insane settlement terms that they seem to genuinely think are sound and rational, as if continuing to slaughter the LBS mentally, emotionally and fiscally on every level is entirely "fair and equitable". I'm not saying bringing L's into the scene will make them any less insane, but it'll keep them somewhat at bay.
Sol, I'm sorry but it's totally expected, I think I mentioned it. He will be upset but his feelings are no longer your responsibility. Only your own well being and your feelings are your responsibility.
Not to get your hopes up high but if you take a strong stance he will come to the table to negotiate. Let him mull over it for a bit go talk to your L and find out exactly what your options are. Are you in the US? not sure why I keep thinking you might be in Canada. Anyway, the L's should be able to run the preliminary numbers and tell you exactly what you qualify.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Greaaat to know, guys. It's good to hear it from the vets. He was totally slagging me on the phone. Meh. He kept saying I will regret everything one day.
I am not the one who wants a D. WTH is he talking about?
At this point there is no such thing has getting my hopes up anymore. That part of me feels defeated. Everytime I've tried, they've been pounced on.
Mentally exhausted this morning. Didn't sleep well and was thinking about how sh-t that conversation was with STBX. He just digs, keeps digging. He gets off on trying to make me feel bad. It's sick. And started thinking about this dumb girl he had sex with. And how it happened 3x in one night. He told me way too many details, how she went down on him, how she was acting "crazy" like she never had sex before, how it was annoying him. If a man has sex with a woman that many times in one night, it must be because he's really into her, right? Then he says she didn't mean anything to him that she was "just a piece of meat."-- his words. I feel sick today. I wish I never met him.
Don't ever expose yourself to that again! My H also LOVED to try and tell me how amazing and crazy sex was with OW. It is so disrespectful and disgusting that a man could even say such things to his wife (or any woman for that matter).
If a man has sex 3 times in one night with a stranger he met in a bar he is doing so because he can.
I know its so hurtful but try not to feel sick over him.
He said my idea "makes no sense" and that I should just sign the house over to him lickety-split and he's being generous by giving me all the furniture. Huh? This pains me because, hello, I signed over his green card to him and NEVER asked for anything in return and he filed for D. I told him I should have known what his character was when he told me if I didn't sign it that he would file for D. Grr. My heart was beating pretty fast and I was pretty upset on the phone. He told me he would not talk to me again until we are in court.