Well...of course I feel that way - feelings follow actions, but H doesn't see it that way right now! Therein lies the biggest issue of all. He's waiting to WANT to save the marriage before he does any work on it! Otherwise, he's only willing to work on a co-parenting R.
Just get him up and going... IF he's intersted you can find some SBT articles that explain this and print them up and leave them out for hmi to read... There msut be some simple ones out there that help him understand that sitting around waiting for the mood to strike him he may as well wait to be hit by lightning
This is the point of MWD, she just tells people to do it and the spouse will start to fall into place.. as long as the LBS does NOT listen to the negatives coming from the WS and keeps focus the LBS will eventually catch on and start to participate gradually
THe risks are
a. This won't work if the spouse has gotten themselves addicted to something to escape their problems b. This takes a long time c. The WS can be a HUGE dead weight on the process if the LBS can't shield themsleves from teh abuse
Just get him up and going... IF he's intersted you can find some SBT articles that explain this and print them up and leave them out for hmi to read... There msut be some simple ones out there that help him understand that sitting around waiting for the mood to strike him he may as well wait to be hit by lightning
I know, right?!!!!
How'd you get so smart while H is such an idiot?!!!
LOL
Geez...it's so sad to me that he sees none of this.
He doens't want to... he's fixated on his mood and its got a vice grip on him. He can't see anything ELSE.. its not that he can't see this concept in particular.. Waywardness is an illness itself, not an addictin per se, but it is a state of mind that is unhealthy and needs treatment...
It may be related to depresion I really can't say.. I ain't a psychologist
But when you put your life into something and it doens't turn out there is bound to be a fallout period and some people don't take that so well...
Just give him some things to do so he can see hwo he can help...
I think if YOU, your daughter AND your older son all three of you have a spreadsheet and taksks assigned and are working away I can't see your H just sitting there playing video games
And if he DOES your kids may just do the work fo ryou and start harassing hiim to help out...
I think if YOU, your daughter AND your older son all three of you have a spreadsheet and taksks assigned and are working away I can't see your H just sitting there playing video games
And if he DOES your kids may just do the work fo ryou and start harassing hiim to help out...
I didn't get to use any of the scripts tonight. Picked H up and he was decent. We did our "30 minute talk" when we got home and he didn't bring up anything negative. Didn't talk about R at all, just discussed our days. Then we ate dinner and he said he was going to play XBox while I studied and said maybe we can watch a movie in a bit. SOOO.... since he was being positive, I didn't hit him with any of the stuff yet. I am going to print some things out though, like you suggested.
I did discover that he purchased the 2 books the FT had told him to read but they're still sitting in a bag untouched. They are books for him though, not for the relationship. Ironically, one is about setting boundaries and the other one about having hard conversations. Not sure if they will do our marriage any good. I'd rather him read what we were already given at the weekend retreat and RR. We'll see.
