Blindsided, Just served with papers!

[dsh4320]

If you guys have been following my thread, I did not expect what just happened. W and I were talking on her lunch break, discussing our M. She said you dont even want to try, she said you have been pushing me further away, I said I was giving you space. She said you dont want to work on M. She left the doorbell rang 2 minutes later and I was served with divorce papers. I am crushed right now.

[TimeHeals]

If you guys have been following my thread, I did not expect what just happened. W and I were talking on her lunch break, discussing our M. She said you dont even want to try, she said you have been pushing me further away, I said I was giving you space. She said you dont want to work on M. She left the doorbell rang 2 minutes later and I was served with divorce papers.

Her Kung Fu is strong.

Because, you know, it's the person who has been threatening divorce and has you served divorce papers that really wants to work on the marriage

I give that deflection 100 pts easy.

[LeeSC]

WoW. Sorry brother. That "you" talk is a bunch of crap. Im was getting that too. That "You" means "me". I sorry for you. Bounce back quick.

[pinhead]

That's always been my biggest concern with the LRT strategy in terms of spouses who have felt neglected. I know that often when I pull away, my W has felt like I'm cold and withdrawn.

Hang in there dSH. It's not over til the fat lady sings.

[dsh4320]

W just called me, I asked her when did she decide to file, she said she didnt thinnk I would care, since I told her to go, then she said why do you want to talk about this now? I told her I do not want a divorce, she said you havent seemed to care one way or the other lately. She was at work and said she needed to go, I said can we talk later, she said "maybe".

Help me out here, I need to be prepared when she gets home on how to handle this, I am not going to beg but i do think she was looking for me to fight for her and I have not done that at all, I have given her space.

[LeeSC]

Just be strong and speak from your heart. Thats all you can do. Right now what is done is done. Just be honest but strong-IMO

[PMA_Baby!]

First off. BREATH!! slow down. This is a long process. It can go as fast and as slow as you want (2 years plus).

This is all about POWER and CONTROL. It's a pissing contest. She is just trying to get a REACTION. Dont REACT but RESPOND in a day or so.

Just use this OPPORTUNITY to VALIDATE her feelings. Just shut up and listen and say "I can understand how you could feel that way..."

Then let her know that you will not stand in her way but you do not believe in quiting or divorce as an option.

Show her RESPECT by listening and not interupting. Show your STRENGTH.

Just stay calm, cool and collected.

PMA

[john28]

Hmm. I would suggest staying strong, and taking control of the situation. That you will

- Go to MC and give this a real effort if she'll stop the D proceedings
- Spend 1 hour a night with her doing SOMETHING with your undivided attention.
- That you do not think divorce is the right option now unless every stone has been unturned.

That's what you offer I think.

[Vulcanized]

That's always been my biggest concern with the LRT strategy in terms of spouses who have felt neglected. I know that often when I pull away, my W has felt like I'm cold and withdrawn.

Hang in there dSH. It's not over til the fat lady sings.

Call bull$hit on that one. Cause that is EXACTLY what it is: I (WA) want out and you (LBS) won't beg me to stay. You won't allow me to manipulate you anymore, therefore, you must be cold. Don't fall for it.

[Vulcanized]

DSH, take a deep breath. As someone else pointed out (sorry, don't recall which poster), this is not an immediate process. My H served me last month. L contested. H has a good 2 year wait.

I would advise you to allow your W to come to you w/R & M talk. I wouldn't initiate it, but would listen when/if she does. Listen, validate. When speaking to her, make it about her. Not you or your feelings.