Doc, I'll take my lumps for the poor judgment regarding the carryout. I gave her money for the price of the meal, and offered to take her back next time we're downtown.
She wants me to partner with her on the housecleaning. The I'm working and your not explanation would probably not go over well. It's probably a sesitive topic. I'll perform small cleaning tasks on a more frequent basis, and tell her I've done them. That should put that problem to rest.
CL
Chose your battles CL I l know what you mean by the “I'm working and you’re not explanation would probably not go over well. “ I don’t know why we (you and I) have to try to help our W with their problems and self esteem when we are “on our own”...
BTW I did NOT mean don’t do house work…. We share here even though “I” am the one going to school all day and W sits home... (I do the bathrooms)... I used to load the dish washer but I never got the hang of “How W wanted it loaded” so one day she said “I’ll just do it myself”.. Ok fine with me… I do rinse off my dishes though and clean up when I cook...
Well need to get back to studying three finals tomorrow Later
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Naej, The instructor explained swimming in a way that made sense to me (if I learn proper technique, I can counter the mind's natural fear reaction to drowning). He had me in a flotation belt, and took me out to the deep end to practice Treading water. He also showed me the proper technique for the Breast stroke. I've accomplished more in one private lesson with this young man, than all prior experiences combined. I was still nervous and started to cling to the wall towards the end. My plan is to practice both skills the next time I'm at the pool. We meet again in ten days.
My W bathed the dog in Dawn detergent, and sprayed him with Lavender oil. We may consider the garlic approach, as I hear it works. Only a few fleas were spotted, so it's not yet an infestation.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Doc, I don't have a problem parnering with my W on the housecleaning issue. I'll figure-out what is a fair contribution, and see if that resolves the conflict. I don't clean much now. My W would like for me take more pride in the appearance of the home. I think she may be right on this point. Where I have control is how I approach it, and how much time I put into it.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Hi CL, so pleased to hear about the swimming, made me think I may go back. I just find it so hard and suffer cramps when everyone else seems to glide effortless through the water.
Do try the garlic for a start it is a cheap natural remedy but garlic is also good for the dog just like it is for humans. Remember the few you see are the tip of the iceburg, they soon lay eggs in your carpets etc. Don't try one of those collars tho, one of my dogs was very poorly after using one. have a good week end.
Hope it goes swimmingly, and then you can apply that to the rest of your life.
Btw, raw garlic cloves put in your dogs food is great at keeping fleas away. Your wife would probably object to the smell though, but it does work.
I think the generalization to life from my first swim lesson, is that if we learn the skills and put in the effort, we can manage our fears, and trust that we can keep ourselves afloat with any problem.
We're going to give the garlic treatment a try with my dog. I'm going to buy him some soft food and garlic on the way home today. My W is threatening to put a flea collar on him (which I'm opposed to). He'll probably get another bath this weekend.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Yes, CL, you were the first to tell me to face my fears. Glad you are doing the same. Just waiting to hear, "the rest of the story..." Thinking of you and wishing you well!!!
My W expressed to me last Friday evening about her interest in attending events at a Salsa festival over the weekend. I was fatigued from a week of work, and from a prior night out of dancing. We also had a commitment to attend a dress rehearsal and instruction early Saturday evening with our studio. I was also hesitant about attending the fesitval's events as I thought they were overpriced.
I thought we had finally agreed to walk around the festival on Saturday afternoon and then attend our studio commitment. My W didn't wake-up until 2PM on Saturday. She started crying that we missed some dance instruction that she wanted to attend.
In retrospect, I realized that I could have handled the conversation the night before better. I was tired, but could have told her we could discuss the weekend planning at a later time. I apologized for not communicating better with her.
The studio dance time and instruction was fun and tiring. We went out to eat afterwards and then went home. The next day we attended the festival, and got to see the last set of performances. When we got home, we put the dog in the bathtub, and soaked and washed him in Dawn detergent. There were fleas floating in the tub. We may bathe him weekly during the summer.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
CL, " My W didn't wake-up until 2PM on Saturday. She started crying that we missed some dance instruction that she wanted to attend."
"In retrospect, I realized that I could have handled the conversation the night before better. I was tired, but could have told her we could discuss the weekend planning at a later time. I apologized for not communicating better with her"
Yes CL, you could have taken her breakfast in bed, helped her wash and dress,packed her a little bag with toys and goodies in case she got fractious whilst you were driving..... Words fail me, I hope you grovel suitably and thank her profusely for trying to turn you into a Perfect yes man companion. No idea what Dawn detergent is but I think you will end up stripping the dogs natural oils from its coat, a simple injection will kill the fleas and eggs and prevent infestation for up to 3-6mths.
Naej, I'm looking at my role in the miscommunication. I could have handled it better. I should have worked towards a compromise earlier in the process, rather than being unpleasant. I was being selfish, and not thinking as a couple. I helped to create the problems on Saturday. I'm not taking total responsibility for the miscommunication. She could have been more persistent about her needs. I didn't know how important the dance instruction was to her. I'm not proud of myself for the way I handled the situation.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Cl. I cannot see how your miscommunication can explain your wifes behaviour but am not at all suprized that you take responsibilty for it. I can only go by your posts but you come across as an extremely mild, mannored man who avoids standing up for himself like the plague to the detriment of any hope of living in a caring sharing normal marital relationship. So tell me what does your "unpleasant behaviour " look like? I imagine silent, possibly sullen and or curt, then escaping to do your own thing ie hiding. Apologies if I have this all wrong. I realise that childless couples have a different relationship than those who have children but even so your wife seems to be the spoiled child in this rel and you the ever patient parent trying to placate her. Still don't know if she is an only child. I see no boundaries and unless you can set some and become an equal in this partnership and that would require a huge strength on your part and consistency, then I really see this being the pattern for life. As I said this is all my assumptions from reading your many posts but there are two sides to every story so.. I would like to feel some passion from you,feel some love for your wife. It is that passion that will give you clear boundaries to work on and a goal to aim for and importantly a breaking point. You are into year 3 of GAL, acting as if,maybe time to revisit what it is you actually want and need from this marriage or accept the what is.
