Another long term relationship bombed

[pookie69]

I don't really know what she is worring about in particular. Like I said before, the lawsuit that lasted from last October to this past January took a toll on her. Her job has also been stressful. There was some restructuring and she did not get her way. (She's a bit of a narcissist)

She has been heavily drinking and not eating for past 4 months until it calmed down a bit just a week ago.

She may also be anxious about the separation. I don't think she truly knows yet what that means. She claims that she wants me out of her life but then the next day she wants to talk about her day and things at work.

I am trying very hard on the 180 but I don't think I want to move out.

[pookie69]

gr8,

Could you tell me your symptoms when you had anxiety attacks?

[Dane]

Are you sure on the OM? Almost 100% of the cases you see here with WAS started because of OP.
There are the rare exceptions, what is your intel?

[pookie69]

Well, I am 99% sure that there is no OM. I have used pretty much all the means that PI's use incuding GPS tracking. All has come clear and I stopped.

[pinhead]

Sometimes there isn't an OM. And you can easily make yourself crazy looking for the slightest clue - trust me, I did that twice in the last two weeks.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

As I remember I know I also add a lot of stress.

Some of my symtoms were chest pains, heart racing at different beats. I also had the feeling of passing out at times.
These were my symptoms when I first propsoed to W. I think the change of life, buying a home and the thought of having kids all played into the mix early on.

Has time went on, I found myself not sleeping well at nights. I would go to bed but then wake up at 12 or 1am wide awake.
I would then go down on the couch and watch tv.

This all effected the M.

I did go to the doctors early on about the chest pains and they said it was stress due to the changes in me life.

Ever since talking to a DB coach and IC, I have learned to control my stress through exercise and diet.

I am in better shape now at 39 the I was at 29.

Pookie, read my first post on "Should I tell her to move on?"
it's a few posts down.

[pookie69]

gr8,

I read your posts. It is great that you have acknowledged your problem and working on it. In the case of my W, she is doing nothing about it and blaming me for the cause. I was very close to have an opportunity to suggest that she should go and seek counseling also. I told her that I was seeing a professional to get to be the guy again with whom she fell in love 13 years ago. But I added that I am doing it for myself and myself only.

That conversation was in response to her inquiry about the future of the house. We were out having a nice dinner which we haven’t done for weeks. I promised to tell her when I am ready to discuss such monumental issue. She smiled and said that she understands. That was Friday. Now it’s Tuesday and she completely went ballistic on me last night.

I still think that manic depression cannot be out ruled. These extreme mood swings are not normal.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Pookie,

Thanks, I am a work in progress.

That was Friday. Now it’s Tuesday and she completely went ballistic on me last night.

I still think that manic depression cannot be out ruled. These extreme mood swings are not normal.

Let me ask you this,
when your wife goes ballistic on you, is it after she has been drinking?

The reason I ask is b/c my neighbors were going through problems too. His W would always "attack" him after she has been drinking.

Since she was texted by co workers and going to happy hour 2-3 times a week he suspected womething was going on.

Long story short, he started doing things for himself and told her if she doesn't want to stay here then leave. He even packed her bag for her.

I now notice her home right after work and they seem to BE GETTING ALONG SO MUCH BETTER.

I think once he showed her that he'll be fine with or with out her that she decided to stay.

[pookie69]

Oh, absolutely after drinking. Everything irrational has always been alcohol induced.

Like the book says, don't believe anything you hear and only 50% of what you see.

However this unstable mental state prohibits any kind of healing to take place. I would love to not be home when she arrives. It's difficult becuse of our dogs. One of them needs medication on regular basis.

Last weekend I was able to dissappear and reappear. It confused her greatly. I was watching the results of 180 right in front of me. She was asking all kinds of questions and I only gave short vague answers. I saw baby step progress but now after the explosion I don't know where to pick up from.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Oh, absolutely after drinking. Everything irrational has always been alcohol induced.

You need to set a boundary here.

The next time she she starts after drinking say,

W, it's obvious you have been drinking and I will not discuss the future of our home when you are in this state of mind.

Looks like you have seen some positive results with your DBing.
Keep them up. I now it feels unnatural but you can't argue with results.

In fact to take it further you could say,

W, I will not have any discussions with you about anything after you have been drinking. I will not accept being treated badly b/c of your drinking.