He's a liar Sunny... He prides himself on his public image.
Just start painting him out to friends and family for abaondonment and beligerence and you will see him get very angry.
I say expose him and press him to leave... Let attachment wear on him...
He has to work on the program or he's out.. period.
Sad part is, I have no one to expose him to except the kids. No family involvement on his part and I don't even know his friends at work. We have no mutual friends at this point.
But I agree - work on things or out. I guess I'm just questioning whether or not just to tell him out if he's willing to work but doesn't really want to.
You get a meeting together with your daughter and son and explain to them the weekend didn't meet your satisfaction so he's giong to be asked to leave... A layabout husband frolicking on facebook and playing video games isn't a good example for him to be setting in the home, not to mention his attitude towards you.
He had a chance to change it so now he's out.
Start packing his things and he will probably complain.
Tell him he either participates in the marriage and family or he knows where the door is.
No one to expose to?
Expose him to your friends or invent one. A trick i suggested earlier is to wait til he's coming home and be on the phone in earshot of him... Talk about his behaviour right out in the open on the phone and explain his plans for abandonment and his dishonestly etc... paint him out as a bad husband and father... Aim for the groin here... There doesn't even need to be anyone on the other end.. He can still experience public humiliation watching you expose him over the telephone...
He will want to know who you were talking to... Just tell him "a friend of the marriage you don't want to be part of, so he can mind his own business"
You get a meeting together with your daughter and son and explain to them the weekend didn't meet your satisfaction so he's giong to be asked to leave... A layabout husband frolicking on facebook and playing video games isn't a good example for him to be setting in the home, not to mention his attitude towards you.
He had a chance to change it so now he's out.
Start packing his things and he will probably complain.
Tell him he either participates in the marriage and family or he knows where the door is.
No one to expose to?
Expose him to your friends or invent one. A trick i suggested earlier is to wait til he's coming home and be on the phone in earshot of him... Talk about his behaviour right out in the open on the phone and explain his plans for abandonment and his dishonestly etc... paint him out as a bad husband and father... Aim for the groin here... There doesn't even need to be anyone on the other end.. He can still experience public humiliation watching you expose him over the telephone...
He will want to know who you were talking to... Just tell him "a friend of the marriage you don't want to be part of, so he can mind his own business"
Hmm...thought: it could be one of the people we met over the weekend that we got to know well!
Now: I guess I should give him the opportunity to work on the marriage or not first, right? He did say he was willing to work on our relationship, just wasn't "committed" to staying in the marriage. I'm not sure if that's semantics or what. I'm too emotionally close to the sitch to determine. He even said in his public address that it didn't mean "3 months from now things won't be great..." So, what he said was very conflicting. One minute he's saying he's not committed, the next, we could be great in 3 months. Then - when I came back into the room, he proceeded to hold my hand while I cried. Just weird. Ya'll are right: no sense trying to make logic!
So - if he's willing to do the homework and work the program, I let him stay? Even if he's not "committed to the marriage"??? And if he's willing to work the program one of my conditions is still transparency, right???
OK, by saying "relationship" but not working on "marriage" he's saying something a guy can get right away :
I want to pursue and end to this marriage, but I don't want to feel bad about that. More important I want you to be happy about my abandoning you and this family. I want to fully preserve my public image as a great father and a great husband, so I want you to be nice to me and not rat me out or trash me to all of your friends.
In short, I want an exit that causes me no inconvenience or embarassment whatsoever. I am chosing to leave, but I don't want any of the unpleasant consequences that may come with that.
He wants to CAKE EAT... I have and you have to, seen this on this forum where the wayward wants to leave, but says "I want us to still be friends"
By "relationship" he means he wants you to be all friendly with him after he is divorced, like you two are best buddies still... You ok with him walking bout but dropping by to do laundry or use you whenever it suits him?
He's trying to soften his exit as much as he can... He doens't want any drama... He wants to abandon his family but there to be no adverse consequences. That, in a nutshell, is what he's saying.
OK, by saying "relationship" but not working on "marriage" he's saying something a guy can get right away :
I want to pursue and end to this marriage, but I don't want to feel bad about that. More important I want you to be happy about my abandoning you and this family. I want to fully preserve my public image as a great father and a great husband, so I want you to be nice to me and not rat me out or trash me to all of your friends.
In short, I want an exit that causes me no inconvenience or embarassment whatsoever. I am chosing to leave, but I don't want any of the unpleasant consequences that may come with that.
He wants to CAKE EAT... I have and you have to, seen this on this forum where the wayward wants to leave, but says "I want us to still be friends"
By "relationship" he means he wants you to be all friendly with him after he is divorced, like you two are best buddies still... You ok with him walking bout but dropping by to do laundry or use you whenever it suits him?
He's trying to soften his exit as much as he can... He doens't want any drama... He wants to abandon his family but there to be no adverse consequences. That, in a nutshell, is what he's saying.
OK, I get it. I didn't want to totally believe it, but you're saying it solidifies it in my mind. I talked to S16 and D18 today about the weekend. They are in agreement that this is not what I deserve. Next I need to talk to S14 which is going to be rough.
SOOOO... in this context, should I forget any allowance of him staying in the home and "doing the homework/program - working on the relationship?" Should I abandon that all together and tell him to leave if he does not want to be in this marriage? Is doing the "homework" going to get him to the point of wanting the marriage, I guess is the bigger question. ???? Hmmm... something to think about. What do you think?
