Amazing how this whole fiasco with my W has sidetracked me from the things that were making me happy. I haven't even picked up my guitar in weeks.
However, I have been listening to songs, and evaluating how well they'd fit my style. An old friend of mine here, who is a great country-ish lead player, has agreed to go on stage with me, so I've been concentrating on songs that would do well with an acoustic rhythm and electric lead. Been on a Bob Seger kick lately, and I've zeroed in on a tune called "Ship of Fools". It's off his "Night Moves" album.
If I've got my friend on stage with me, I'd also love to do "It's Five o'clock Somewhere" by Alan Jackson. It's a crowd pleaser, and a pretty simple tune. The vocals are right up my alley.
There's also a tune called "Time to Get a Gun" that was covered on the recent Miranda Lambert disc. It was originally done by Fred Eaglesmith. I practiced it for a while last winter, and would do well with an acoustic and electric.
I've pretty much given up on "3 am" by Matchbox Twenty. Just can't handle the vocals simulaneously with the guitar. Oh well.
However, I have been listening to songs, and evaluating how well they'd fit my style. An old friend of mine here, who is a great country-ish lead player, has agreed to go on stage with me, so I've been concentrating on songs that would do well with an acoustic rhythm and electric lead. Been on a Bob Seger kick lately, and I've zeroed in on a tune called "Ship of Fools". It's off his "Night Moves" album.
GREAT song. "Main Street" would also work well with acoustic rhythm and electric lead, and is a great song (always felt it was the better song than "Night Moves," actually). "Roll Me Away" is probably my favorite by him (and a great GAL song!), but it's piano-based, as are a lot of his other good ones.
Yeah, I've been messing around with "Main Street" a little too. Best song on the album, IMO. Truthfully, I don't think I can put enough raw emotion into it to do it justice.
Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming...
W has been cold as ice on the phone ever since I sent that text message to her, saying I'm not going to Disney with her and the kids. She returns from her trip tomorrow evening, then I'm leaving with the kids the next day to go home to Michigan for my Grandmother's funeral.
The question is, what to say to her? She was trying to be open and honest with me before she left. I have to give her credit for that at least. I need to do the same.
The question I wrestle with is how much to just lay out my position and that's it, or additionally offer a counterproposal. Laying my boundary is easy:
"W, I've thought about what you said before you left. It won't work for me. I can't continue to be married to you while you date other men. If that's what you choose to do, this isn't going to work, and we need to make arrangements to end our marriage. We almost had our agreement finalized last year, so I think we could have it done relatively quickly. No more anger or resentment. I won't agree to less than 50/50 custody though, so if that's going to be an issue, we might as well not waste our time, and just let the courts decide."
My counterproposal would go something like:
"I am willing to date you and do family things together, including going to Disney, and put off the legal stuff, provided you give up this notion of an open relationship, and make a real committment to reconciliation. I'm fine with putting the past aside for a while."
Either way, I'll finish with:
"Think about it while we're gone, and let me know when we get back (six days). I'm sure neither one of us wants to drag this out longer than we need to."
I know this is vague, and I do have a list of what constitutes a "real committment", but I wanted to keep my statement to her brief. If she's interested enough to ask, then I can go into further detail:
1. Give our reconciliation at least six months 2. No dating others 3. Weekly dates with each other 4. Go the MC together if either one wants to 5. Give each other time and space if requested
I know this is vague, and I do have a list of what constitutes a "real committment", but I wanted to keep my statement to her brief. If she's interested enough to ask, then I can go into further detail:
1. Give our reconciliation at least six months 2. No dating others 3. Weekly dates with each other 4. Go the MC together if either one wants to 5. Give each other time and space if requested
Future, I think your proposed "counteroffer" is a good one, although I'd ditch #5 ("space" to someone who's wayward just gets filtered as "I need space in which to date others, unencumbered.")
In fact, this is pretty much the same thing my wife countered with, and that I agreed to. After HER being the one, for over a year, that wanted to predicate a separation on us dating others, and me saying it was a "dealbreaker," suddenly she was HORRIFIED that I actually agreed to it! So she countered with "let's date each other, but only exclusively," which (I think, to our mistake) lasted only 2-3 weeks before we moved back in together.
Puppy, I hear you about #5. I'll ditch it. I meant that we have to give each other the right to occassionally step back without fear that the other will assume the worst. Something like "I need some time to figure out what all this means, can you give me a few days before we talk again?" There has to be SOME amount of trust.
Maybe I'll hang a carrot in front of her and say:
5. We spend all holidays together as a family
She knows I get the kids this year on Christmas Eve and Christmas day until 2pm.
Very interesting what you said about your sitch and moving back in together too quickly. No fear of that in my case. We've got two established homes, and the decision to live together again will be a HUGE one.
