nothing much... still just paying bills and taking care of my boys and myself
H comes here once in a while, but not very often. We rarely talk and almost every time we do he says something like "it seems like you never want to talk to me." I've told him several times there is nothing for us to talk about except boys and bills.
4th of July is my second fav holiday (next to Easter)... we normally have a get-together. This year somehow I ended up inviting double the amount of people and everyone accepted so I will have a house full. A couple of days ago it occurred to me that I probably invited so many some how thinking it would fill the void of my H not being here.
I still have a lot of work to do on me... but I am getting there.
HAPPY 4TH EVERYONE!
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
Very aggravated today! 4th of July is always a big party at our house. H will not be here. I have invited all the usual people and some new ones as well... probably trying to fill what I know will be a void. ...and this is actually my first real entertaining with H not here.
So last night he starts txting me, the theme was basically woe is him, no one cares about him... yada yada yada I answered a few more times than I should have. But kept it sort of brief.
What I don't get is once he got rid of me I thought his life was supposed to be perfect???? I am sure he is having a ball on all his adventures and I figure last night was more about people being here and him thinking we would be talking about him. I am sure it had nothing to do with me.
I have a hard time not answering when he contacts me... I seldom do, but it is agony for me. I know he just needed his NNP fix. I wonder since he didn't get it if he will be trying again all day today. I guess I will leave my phone on my nightstand.
He doesn't want me, he threw me away, why won't he leave me alone?
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
He doesn't want me, he threw me away, why won't he leave me alone?
Honestly, did he throw you away? doesn't he want to stay M but on his weird terms? That's not throwing you away. You have become a person that is capable of leaving him in the dust and he is not used to that. You have finally 'gone dark' and he doesn't know what to do about it.
I know you're living apart due to his job. If it wasn't due to that would you be officially or legally separated?
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
The smoking thing made me laugh because that has happened to me. I browse match.com on occasion, and several times a guy has said he "never" smokes but then there is a pic of him with cigarette in hand! Sheesh!
NNP, how was the 4th? I am so proud of you carrying on with traditions even though your H is not around. That shows you are a strong woman! You are my hero!!!
I had to laugh about your stalking a high school friend. I have a high school reunion coming up in August so I have been looking over the list to see who is coming. There are 2 particular guys that had crushes on me in HS, but I was dating someone else. Saw both of them on facebook, but they are not on the list of attendees. Anyway, I asked the person in charge of the reunion to contact both of them to ask if they were coming.....I didn't want to appear inappropriate, but love watching those old tv movies when old loves meet after years and years. Wonder if that works for "old crushes", too??? On the other hand, I have considered putting my wedding ring back on just for that night....I am not sure I want to face being "the divorced woman" Is that crazy??? I suspect I will not be the only divorced woman there, though!
Back to YOU: "What I don't get is once he got rid of me I thought his life was supposed to be perfect????" That is something I could have said! It makes me secretly happy that he is not happy....at least it confirms that I was not totally at fault!!! You certanly aren't either,but I think we tend to take the blame.
So, keep in touch and let us know how you and the boys are doing!
Well not much to tell. It comes as no surprise that my H continues to lead a double life and to lie even though he doesn't have to. I no longer stay around when he comes to town, which is less and less all the time.
I am ready to move on with my life and I am working on finishing paying the bills off. I may be able to get out from under this house very soon and that would facilitate things greatly. In the next year or so this ordeal may actually be over. I never wanted my marriage to end, but as most of you who follow my story know, I never had the marriage I thought I did or wanted anyway.
I know I did not DB as well as I could have, but I doubt it would have made much difference. What DB (and counseling) did do for me is enable me to move on a much stronger person.
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
You do sound so much stronger than you did before. You have really been an inspiration for me as I strive to be a stronger person.....just for me! I am happy being me (well, for the most part!) I don't have to please anyone else.
Hi Mat... I am glad you are still checking in with me
I do feel I am getting stronger all the time. I have not had any interaction with H for over two weeks now. We have not had any interaction initiated by me in about 3 months.
I am approaching this like driving over a bridge. I keep my line of vision focused on the road directly in front of the car, right between the two straight yellow lines.
I have a thing about bridges. If it is a bridge I drive often enough to become somewhat comfortable I may sneak a peak now and then out my peripheral vision to see the spectacular view. hmmmm I think there might be a really good analogy in there somewhere
Sons are doing as well as can be expected, it is so true that the better I do with things the better they do.
How is your DD?
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
