Sunny he's going to go through this whole reconcilliation process kicking and screaming... It's not realistic to expect any more than that from him right now...
Yeah...I know you're right. I just hate the darn rollercoaster of emotions!
He just asked about homework again. lol
We're supposed to read the 1st 2 chapters of The 7 Principles for Making Marriages Work (John Gottman) and highlight what's important to us. Also supposed to read part of Falling in Love Staying in Love (Willard Harley) and also highlight. I'm sure we're supposed to read the whole thing at some point, but just parts for now. Not sure what other materials we'll have when we get there.
I keep asking myself, "How is knowing how a successful M is supposed to work and how to fall in love/stay in love helps when he doesn't even care about having a successful M or falling back in love, he just wants out?!!!"
It's hard to know WHAT'S going on in their heads right now because they don't even know themselves. He may be going to "improve himself" (because he can't see beyond the tip of his nose right now), but he may learn a few things that surprise him about his marriage.
I know I've gone kicking and screaming to things I didn't want to in order to placate WH - and ending up learning something. Perhaps that will happen this weekend to your WH.
You'll have to let us know what it's like and how it goes.
I sure hope he learns some things. I know I need to learn some things, but I just worry about his attitude of not taking responsibility for anything...
We leave in a few hours! Should be an interesting 4 hour car ride. We haven't been alone together for 4 hours in quite awhile... might be pretty uncomfortable. And what the heck are we going to do on the way home if it goes badly?!!!! Ugh. Not wanting to think about that but I probably should have my ducks in a row (and have some scripts ready) just in case.
D did write H a letter that I found this morning in plain view on the computer desk where he spends so much time playing XBox. It was opened, so he read it. She basically said she didn't think we should throw 20 years away without trying - that she wants what is best for the family - that she's worried most about S14... that she loves H and she knows he is unhappy but thinks he should go with the right attitude this weekend and thanked him for being willing. She stated she agreed with some of the things he had to say the other night (at Borders) but also feels they all should've spoken up more clearly about wanting me to get help for the depression issues. Anyway, it wasn't as "tough" as I would've liked, but I know she tried very hard. :-) I would've liked to see her say that divorce would be terrible for the family - and that they (kids) would be devastated. Oh well.
HA HA! Not a bad idea. I guess I'll take my school books to study and stick in an ipod since I don't have those. :-)
Thanks, Puppy! I'll try and update everyone on how it goes. Who knows: maybe it's so awesome that I'll tell everyone here they just need to find a way to drag their WS's to one of these workshops...
4 hours alone together! Yikes! I can understand your trepidation! Ask him:
*What he wanted to be when he grew up *His favorite childhood memory *His favorite teacher in school *The first girl he had a crush on *His favorite type of food *His favorite animal *His least favorite reptile *If he had $50,000 to spend on a friend's party, what would he spend it on (my WH said he would never spend $50K on friend, only himself - BIG surprise, lol!)
--Out of the blue stuff like that. It's fun, it's unexpected, and you can learn a lot. Warning: mood counts. If he's in a playful mood, it will be fun. If he's in a bad mood, save it until he's in a playful mood.
Have fun, learn lots, and let us know how it goes!
