Wow - right after I typed that last part H came into the living room. I got up early this morning and came in here to study for class. He sat down and started asking me about homework. I thought he meant for my class. He was talking about for the weekend deal. Asked if the books came in, and I replied they had. He asked when (but I'm not sure why.) Anyway, I then stated he should've gotten an email. He asked if the homework was online and I replied it was. OK: you get the idea, you don't need a play by play, lol.
Then, the weirdest thing happened: He came over behind where I was sitting, kissed me on the head and then wrapped his arms around me and hugged me. I was floored. It took everything I had to not cry. This is after not touching me at all for at least 10 days. He didn't say anything and neither did I. Well, he just asked me a question about school and I answered. Then he left for work.
OK, so I cried after he left. At least I didn't cry with him here!
I know I can't read a lot into this exchange. But - it did tell me he intends to go this weekend and that he may even plan on cooperating.
Hmmm... maybe D18 did have a few things to say to him afterall last night!
(Good thing I'd switched my computer screen to the website for my class before he walked over!)
Just to add: the kiss on the head/hug exchange actually seemed affectionate and not just "oh, I feel sorry/guilty for hurting Sunny...." like it has in the past. Well, that or previously it was a precursor to him wanting sex...
Hard to know WHAT he's thinking right now, Sunny - total roller coaster! Hopefully he's back on the "I want to save my marriage" part of the ride.
I'll be rooting for you!
That's what I'm hoping, but I'm cautious, of course, in assuming anything. It isn't that I see it as a sign that everything's going to be fine, but it does make me feel better about going on this marriage weekend thing. I've been pretty dang detached the last 10 days and maybe that has made a difference. I mean REALLY detached - dim, even though we're living in the same house and sleeping in the same bed.
Talk to your daughter and find out what happened at the bookstore if anything...
She SHOULD be putting you in the loop... If you have to ASK her then DO IT...
NO secrets in the household remember? Teach her good family values - secrets are cancer to a marriage... spill woman
OK, will do. I had school all morning and now she is out for awhile. I'm sure she won't mind telling me. I just don't want to make the mistake of undermining her relationship with her dad. Obviously, no matter what, it will be important for the kids to maintain a good relationship with H. However, I DID explain to her that love includes maintaining proper accountability. She has a good grasp on that because I have demonstrated that well in my parenting, I believe. We have a high degree of warmth in our family yet also a high degree of rules and expectations. She and the boys have expressed their thankfulness for the boundaries set and complain about their peers that do not have these boundaries. I gave her that comparison the other day during our discussion: loving dad also means not accepting his CB, esp. if he tries to rationalize it to you. You can still say, "Dad I love you..." while also saying, "but this is wrong...and it DOES hurt us kids."
These are rather adult concepts for teens to have to put in practice but I hope they learn something valuable from it - something that will help their loves too.
Talked with D about trip to Borders. H DID initiate - wanted to "go do something with her." So, yes, he was trying to spin things. So much for my hopes being raised after this morning's exchange. D said H was still very negative last night about things. She didn't really want to talk about it - about what was specifically said. I took that to mean he was still telling her he wanted out, etc... She did say she thanked him for being willing to go this weekend. He said basically that he was willing to go and have a decent attitude about learning some things about himself. (Not that he was willing to work on our M but it would benefit him for his future.) SO: I guess I should be glad he's willing to go. I'm just disappointed that his attitude has not changed and I thought maybe it had, after this morning.
Still...I wonder what the kiss on the head/hug was all about. ??? Who knows!
I hate when hopes are raised only to be dashed. :-( BUT... just because I'm feeling sad about that doesn't mean my action plan has changed so I'm still on target.
