$100 is a fair bit of cash... does he usually keep that amount in his wallet?
You know, AFTER the weekend is over you could start a ledger. He complained you weren't managing money well so just start keeping track of EVERYTHING in an accounting ledger... yours AND HIS expenditures...
You can ask him to account for every dime all in the guise of wanting to manage household monies better
He can't complain since he's the one that WAS complaining in the first place...
He may give you the "well, I just meant you keep track of your money, i know what I buy"...
You can always reply back
"but I know what I buy, and you don't seem to be concerned about keeping ME informed.. where's YOUR ledger?"
$100 is a fair bit of cash... does he usually keep that amount in his wallet?
You know, AFTER the weekend is over you could start a ledger. He complained you weren't managing money well so just start keeping track of EVERYTHING in an accounting ledger... yours AND HIS expenditures...
You can ask him to account for every dime all in the guise of wanting to manage household monies better
He can't complain since he's the one that WAS complaining in the first place...
He may give you the "well, I just meant you keep track of your money, i know what I buy"...
You can always reply back
"but I know what I buy, and you don't seem to be concerned about keeping ME informed.. where's YOUR ledger?"
Good idea about the ledger. It will go along with my new budget worksheet! Of course, this is assuming we're still together after the weekend. :-/
I guess it isn't all that unusual for him to pull out $100 if he has to have cash. He just doesn't usually need cash.
This is weird. The boys and I were watching TV. H was even watching and laughing for awhile. Then he announces he and D are going to bookstore. (She was upstairs.) Hmmm... this is not usual at all. I don't know if he asked her or she asked him to go. I have to stop being so paranoid. Neither of them asked the boys or I if we wanted to go along. (Typically we ask each other.) Makes me wonder if this trip is more of a "lets talk" thing. Well, I hope and pray if it is that D stands up for our marriage. She's not very good at being hard on people. She's too sweet for her own good.
While we were watching TV S16 mentioned needing to go somewhere Thursday night. I mentioned H and I wouldn't be around. H said nothing. Didn't acknowledge the conversation at all. I swear, I'm going to be ticked if he bails on this weekend.
Just such strange behavior the past few days. I know it all has to do with his dread/fear of the weekend... but, I'm just concerned it means he's going to balk and not go!
I have thought about that - what I will say when (if) he tries to bail. Basically, it goes something like this. (From what we worked on previously.)
"So, you're not willing to go even after you said you would. What you are saying then is you are unwilling to work on your marriage. You are unwilling to complete your 50% of the work necessary to repair any harm or damage and hope for the future. By not going you are and will be allowing this marriage to end by your neglect. If that is your stance, then perhaps it is time for you to pack your things."
Then, if he says he's willing to do other things (like that stupid cruise suggestion) I will say, "And how has it worked so far trying your methods to reconnect? Let's see: talking to other women/friends about our issues but not a professional; escaping into XBox every free moment at home; trolling Facebook for old friends and girlfriends and having sex chats. Yeah, your ideas have worked really well so far. No, I think this is best left to professionals."
And I will stick by my guns. If he refuses to go, I will tell him there's the door.
Sounds good.. you may want to put something about abandoning his children in the first paragraph... you have three kids and mentioning them should be a huge part of any confrontation you make... don't make it about just you or you lose a lot of leverage
And since they wont BE there to say anything on their own BEHALF you ARE speaking for four here.. not just for yourself... remember you are speaking on behalf of you and three others... always speak as if four people are being harmed
I agree with both of you that he is trying to prep D - and may try with boys as well. I know he has had these chats before as D told me when I talked to her on Monday that he's said some things. I will see if I can find out without overtly prying today - as to what transpired. I had told her on Monday that he will try to justify his actions and feelings. It's a fine line: I told her and S16 both that it isn't that I want them to be anti-Dad, I just want them to be FOR the family being together.
And good idea, Allen, about making sure to include the kids in the script. The sad part is, like most WAS, H doesn't think of it as abandoning his children. He truly believes he will still be here for them: live close by, do things with them, be at their events, etc... Heck, at one time he even made it out that I could go get an apt and HE would stay in the house with the boys! You know, because they're boys and they need DAD more than mom. D18 will be off at college in just 3 weeks. Talk about stress, GEEZ. Like that's not going to be emotional enough without going through all of this at the same time. D and I are very close and now she will be gone and I'm facing separation/divorce at the same time. Anyway, the point being - H does not believe it will hurt the children all that much. I've asked them to take a stand and tell him it will if he discusses it with them (D18 and S16) but it's hard to "be tough" with your Dad.
As for the $100: I looked in his wallet. There is only like $20 left. Not a lot of receipts in there, but a bunch of lottery tickets. I know his group of coworkers go in together to get tickets and he's always purchased them, so that's not all that odd. However, they should be paying him back or should've already paid him for it. So, either he spent that money already on other things or should be getting cash back.
