A new beginning to an end

[antlers]

I plan on seeing a L as soon as my finals end for the summer semester since I'm bogged down w/ studies and work right now.

H for some reason doesn't want me to involve a L or this to go to court which I can't understand since he has his own L who inititally sent me his petition for D.

Hi soleil. I advise you to do just as you said you would...see a lawyer ASAP. The only thing he's gonna understand right now is hard consequences. Protect yourself and lookout for your best interests, first and foremost. This is his choice, to bnust things up...so you're simply responding to his decisions based upon what is best for YOU!

[soleil]

Had a really awful weekend. I felt depressed mostly and all of this is just so SUCKY. I know I need to get myself together but the pain is really heavy sometimes. I didn't sleep last night very well and kept waking up. I took a nap yesterday and was jolted out of it thinking about this. Like a panic attack.

I have class after work today and still have 4 tests I need to take before class ends (on Wed) and mentally I feel dead.

Saw H over the weekend on the road, riding his motorcycle w/ his boys, laughing it up. I texted him "Did you ever love me. I don't feel it." And he texted back "I did and still do."

[ImprovedRomeo]

Sol, sorry you're going through this and I understand how hard it is. Someone you thought was forever your soulmate is now gone but from someone further along in the process I can tell you from my own experience that it gets better. In the past there were times I felt I couldn't breathe and my heart will burt out of my chest. I couldn't sleep for weeks, only cat naps. But I survived and while things are not perfect they're a lot better than they used to be. In fact, I remember other's giving me similar advice and I thought 'not me, I'll never get out of this rut' and I still feel that the wise words feel good for a moment but they don't stop the pain. However, for me just hearing them over and over again helps to start believe in them and slowly your brain starts thinking differently.

[brenalim]

H called me last night and said he wanted to talk to me and how this is so hard b/c he knows we both love eachother, etc. but (words, words, words). I agreed with him completely and said, "I know and this is why it's time to move on."

I was told to find your thread. It does sound familiar to my sitch. You seem a little further along. How do you get there?

When my H tells me that he loves me and that I'm his best friend... I just want to shake him and ask him why he's letting me go. Why is he throwing away everything we've built together. He says he doesn't know, that he doesn't think he can, he loves me so much thats what makes all of this so confusing... but then he goes on a vacation with his girlfriend.

I want to crawl in a whole and disappear, or i'd like very much to find the peace that you seem to have. How do you do it?

[soleil]

However, for me just hearing them over and over again helps to start believe in them and slowly your brain starts thinking differently.

Thanks for those kind words. They went a long way yesterday when I was reading them before I felt like my head was going to explode. LOL. It is nice to hear some comforting things when the world seems like it's crashing all around you!

I want to crawl in a whole and disappear, or i'd like very much to find the peace that you seem to have. How do you do it?

Hi Brena,
I also found your thread and posted! I am certainly no expert but I guess it's clear to me that I am the one who is waiting and waiting and waiting for something to happen and it doesn't. This hurts more than anything but I can't keep like this, in limbo. Last night we spoke and he was saying how he can't be without me, how he wants me to be by his side, misses sleeping with me, that we don't get along, this, thath etc. That makes no f-cking sense! LOL. His words do not match his actions. He said, maybe after all this we'll see what happens/who knows what will happen and I told him people don't D to see if things get 'better.' They D to end their Ms. He says he keeps meaning to see his L but can't bring himself to do it. What?

I cannot, for me, stay like this. So as much as it pains me (and it's the worst pain-like a dagger in my heart), I have to let him go.

[ClingingToHope]

For what it's worth, there's confusion there and perhaps a chance he'll come out of the fog.

In my case, from the minute I moved out I believe she was dead set on a D. There was only one good conversation in the past 15 months where I sensed any chance for us and even in that one she was saying there's nothing left of the woman I married.

[ImprovedRomeo]

Sol/Brena, I forget who's H was the one that got the Green Card through you? and which one of you moved out first?

[soleil]

:: Raises hand :: My hub is the greencard one. Brena's is the one with the full-on affair.

I moved out first, Romeo. It was after a lot of fighting and about 1.5 month of him not speaking to to me. About a week before I moved, I came home from work one day and he was packing up boxes (about a week before I moved out). Ah yes. Ain't love grand?

[ImprovedRomeo]

OK that's what I thought.

His words do not match his actions.

Do you believe it when he says stuff about missing you etc? I mean I'm sure he loved you but right now? I hate to judge people but I can't help it...could he be saying all this to keep you confused so you can sign over the house to him? It seemed to me he was very interested in getting his house free and clear while you were stuck with the used furniture?

Changing gears...do you think he adopted sort of a DB attitude towards you when you guys were fighting and you moved out? like not pursuing you hoping you'll patch stuff up? I don't know enough details but I'm wondering if he thought letting you go would ultimately bring you back to him?

Changing gears again...you should think about the future though like if you plan to have kids, family etc do you see him as that person you can rely on and grow old with? If not, this is the time to end this. As harsh as it may sound I see so much positive in your and Brena's situation because you are both young and no kids yet!

((hugs))
PS. I liked your post in Brena's thread...you should cut and paste some of that advice for yourself too

[soleil]

For what it's worth, there's confusion there and perhaps a chance he'll come out of the fog.

In my case, from the minute I moved out I believe she was dead set on a D. There was only one good conversation in the past 15 months where I sensed any chance for us and even in that one she was saying there's nothing left of the woman I married.

Clinging, I def think he is confused because he makes conficting statements over and over. With that said, how long do I want to stay like this? It's not healthy. Why did you move out?