That's what I was thinking too. But, H has hinted at me to "get a job" for the past several years. I think it might take some weight off of him just to know that some of the college expense burden would be accounted for. FT even suggested he was really concerned about finances and if I could help in that area, he might have some relief.
I agree with that to some degree, but I also think it's still better for me to go to school and work later, when I can actually earn decent money. He even had agreed with that and it was after the bomb.
I want to make sure to consider all angles. I think school is best. Could kick myself for not going back sooner, I really could!!! Stupid depression killed my motivation for a lot of things this last several years.
Well, I just talked to D18 about everything. She took it well and was very supportive. She wasn't that surprised, actually, about any of what I had to say because she's noticed how H has not done anything at all to work towards our M or our family.
Apparently, H has talked to her several times about things. I didn't ask her to tell me what he said. I just told her that he is a very confused person right now. I explained to her that H would be looking to justify his behavior - and to have them accept his decision that he must get out of our M. I asked her to let him know, respectfully of course, that she is NOT OK with it: that she doesn't want her family torn apart and that we all deserve better than what he is doing.
Told her I wasn't trying to bring her and D16 in the middle of things, but they were old enough to act mature and stand up for what's right. I explained not to go talk to H about things, but if he talks to them, they can tell him they are angry/upset - but not to mention the specifics (at least right now) of his facebook activities and so forth that I told them about.
D18 said I didn't deserve this and she was sorry. I told her I was more concerned about the 3 of them than myself. She is very concerned about how D14 will take this if it happens. Me too. :-(
SO... I'm just praying that my stupid H realizes what he has before it's too late!!! Sitting there talking to my children all I can think is, "What an idiot!"
Yeah-I don't get the whole justification thing either.
THEY have to be happy, THEY have to do what's right for THEM - regardless if it makes everyone ELSE miserable and require years of therapy to get over it. Hey, at least THEY'RE happy - until they're not.
Just makes you want to slap 'em upside the head with a 2x4 to give them an INKLING of the pain and heartache they're causing everyone else.
ok... Sounds like the family is mostly exposed to now. And guided well I might add.
Just tell them you would like them on the side of keeping the famly together rather than tossing a hand grenade into the middle of it...
if you talk about keeping the famly together or tearing it apart it takes off the BLAME... its still THERE, but its less aggressive
If your H can make an honest commitment and the $$ is worth it I would say work and do school part time.. but if your H is giong to be playing these wayward games you can't manage all of that.. its too much...
Mrs Sunny : ----------------------- School - Part time Work - Full time Mother - Full time Housekeeper - Full time Chef - Full time Laundrymat - Full time Grocer - Full time
Mr Sunny : ------------------ Work - Full time Facebook dating - Part time XBox - Full time
The problem here Sunny is that a wayward spouse can make all the demands they want.. It won't change their mood.
What they need to GET is that they aren't TRYING HARD enough... THEY have given up so THEY need to start working again...
You can dance around and do acrobatics in teh kitchen... It won't matter if you make money or whatnot...
Becuase of how he feels' he's stopped trying, and as long as he feels this way your efforts won't make much difference to him...
If you start making more money his MOOD will just find a way to spin a negative on it...
a. It insults his manhood - he's the provider not you - quit now! b. It means he can take it easy - he will quit his job and facebook full time instead c. It means you are a busy career woman and the famly is giong to fall apart - quit working now d. It means HE just has to do more around the house - quit now!
I can go on... what he SAYs he wants and how he REACTS when he GETS that aren't necessarly the same thing...
Much like QS' wife he's running and thrashing about to make himself feel better but what he SAYS will help won't help him long term...
It just leaves YOU frustrated that he has you hoop hopping with no end in sight.
Just tell him what YOU are doing and to HELL what how he feels about it..
School is for the family too.. Did it ever occur to you how much it would MOTIvATE yoru kids to see YOU in school full time? You can set a wondeful example for them all...
Mrs Sunny : ----------------------- School - Part time Work - Full time Mother - Full time Housekeeper - Full time Chef - Full time Laundrymat - Full time Grocer - Full time
Mr Sunny : ------------------ Work - Full time Facebook dating - Part time XBox - Full time
This is fair yes?
When you put it this way, NO! Not fair at all. AT all!
Yeah-I don't get the whole justification thing either.
THEY have to be happy, THEY have to do what's right for THEM - regardless if it makes everyone ELSE miserable and require years of therapy to get over it. Hey, at least THEY'RE happy - until they're not.
Just makes you want to slap 'em upside the head with a 2x4 to give them an INKLING of the pain and heartache they're causing everyone else.
And the sad part of this is, they are STILL not happy!
And all very good points, Allen - esp. about school. Well taken.
Don't know what it is today, but I just feel sick about all of this. I'm just disgusted with H. It's gone from sadness to angry to disgust. Last night I woke up several times and I LITERALLY wanted to take my foot and shove him out of the bed!
