He didn't stick around to watch it - just went back to playing XBox. He just saw a few parts of it. (We've seen it before...awhile ago.)
After while, our power went out (big storm) and me, H, and S16 were going to go to movies but nothing playing at the time. So...we ended up at Borders. S16 and I got a coffee. I told him to text his dad (he was downstairs, we were up) and S16 said, "If he wants one, he can get it himself!" lol. S16 and I hung out together looking at some stuff while H did his own thing. We weren't unfriendly to H - just H choosing to do his own thing. On the way home, S16 and I had a discussion about a few things H was out of the loop on. :-)
Got home, H went back to Xbox, of course - power back on.
I guess I'm just basically journaling because I'm frustrated. I'm ready to take a stand, so to speak, but have to wait and just pray this weekend truly does something good for our relationship!
I hear you on the frustration! WH spends little time at home and when he does, he's either working out or online playing AddictingGames.com. Contributes -zero- to raising kids or running household.
Comment about all the new clothes and focus on appearance: be worried. It's one of the signs of an affair.
My husband lost about 25 pounds and said he needed a new wardrobe. Also said that's why he didn't wear his wedding ring anymore, because he lost so much weight it didn't fit. He had me go with him to buy new clothes and dropped about $1500 in one day at an outlet mall buying designer duds. I was sick about it since I hadn't spent that much on clothes for the rest of us all year. When I commented about it, he told me it was HIS money and he'd spend it as he saw fit.
Well, I realized when he started paying closer attention to his appearance that it was a HUGE red flag. Not that people can't care about their looks (and should) but the drastic change is a definite tipoff. All my efforts to find any kind of proof of such have been to no avail. Quite frankly, right now I don't see when anything would be happening. It would have to be during work hours - not that it is impossible for that to happen, of course. H doesn't even have a car at work - takes the bus into the city. Of course, doesn't mean OW couldn't have a car. I realize it's a distinct possibility with all the signs. That's why I had decided, before he agreed to go on this weekend, that I was going to confront him - proof or no proof - about his behavior (secret keeping, talking to other people, both men and women about our issues, and his unwillingness to work on M). Either all this stops or he leaves, simple as that. This weekend thing we're going on will probably bring it all to a head anyway. I'm betting it will be make it or break it.
Interestingly enough, the sermon at church today was based on the passage where the woman was caught in adultery and the people wanted to stone her. Jesus says the famous, "He who is without sin cast the first stone."
Now, the sermon wasn't about adultery. It was about redemption and going from unholy to holy in God's eyes AND about conflict resolution. The pastor finished the sermon by saying, "First you have to deal with your own junk before you try to resolve a conflict with someone else. What's your part? What do YOU need to fix. THEN when you own that, you can go to the other party..."
Well, in all of this with H, I HAVE looked at my part. I've fixed (180'd) those things that he complained about in our M to the best of my ability and still working on things. He has done nothing other than point fingers. I wondered if H thought about that at all. I'm guessing not but I keep praying that God will soften his heart.
Pastor also pointed out... Where was the man?! He was supposed to be stoned, according to HEbrew law, along with the woman! LOL
My WH's eyes always seem to glaze over whenever there's something about adultery on the news or whatever. It's like he thinks it doesn't apply to him...
I'm just it's a mental justification - some form of "I was driven to it" or who knows what. It baffles me when I hear someone actually justify an A and call themselves "devout Christians", like the OW in your case. Seen it happen time and time again. "If I feel this way, it can't be wrong. God must have ordained it.... these feelings are from Him."
Just found out I could possibly have a full-time job at an office I did some work for a few years back. This would not be a very high paying job, but would possibly be a good thing. I would jump at the chance except for the fact that I had decided - and H even agreed - that I would go back to school full time to finish my degree next month. (Taking 1 class now to get back in swing of things.) If I finish my degree, my earning potential would definitely be WAY better. Right now, with no degree and mostly being a stay-at-home mom for 20 years, except with odd things and part-time gigs here and there, the most I can make is $10-12 an hour. This job is along those lines. BUT...if would provide medical insurance (at a high cost) which we do not now have because H does contract work and owns his own company.
Here's the thing: taking this full-time job would be a huge 180 for me. It would show independence and say to H that I am "fully ready to lead life w/out him." If I knew for certain he was walking out that door, I would take it. I would need it.
BUT...it probably means giving up the plan for the degree right now, which is my dream. Yes, I could go part-time...it will just be awfully hard and take that much longer to finish. I am - REGARDLESS OF MY MARITAL STATUS - committed to remaining a great mother and close to my 3 kids - esp. my 2 boys who will still be at home. Doing that and working full-time AND going to school full-time would be next to impossible.
Also - a friend of my suggested that if I were to go to work full-time at this juncture, it might hurt what I would get for alimony and child support if we divorce. Not only that, but would be more grounds for H in any custody fight. I need to seek legal counsel on this, I know.
I did have a possibility for a part-time job which I could do easily and go to school full-time still. That, however, will not cut it if H leaves and will not provide the medical insurance this job would.
Now, one might say there are other opportunities that I don't HAVE to take this one. Let me tell you - not a lot of opportunities around where I'm at right now. I've been looking for awhile. None this close to home that allow me to still be there for the boys like this would, especially.
SO.... I'm really in a dilemma. The job might be what could push H over that line of realization that I'm prepared to move on without him. Or... it could provide him with another rationalization against leaving, that "she's got work: she'll be OK"
I was advised previously on the other thread that I should definitely go back to work full-time. I don't want to do it just because it "might get my marriage back" if it goes against my dreams of finishing my degree. BUT...I can see where it might send a strong message and help H not see me so much as a burden. I know that's what WAS see us LBS spouses as...
My heart wants to go to school full-time. Hy head says work. I need help just thinking this through.....
