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In talking with friends/family, the conclusion many of them have drawn as to why he hasn't or won't leave is that he loves me and wants to work things out but doesn't know how to verbalize that or take action to do that.

Well, I can't wait the rest of my life for him to find a way or words to use to express what he wants, feels, thinks, needs, etc.

Yes - I love him. I would have been willing to work on things, if he was willing to work on things also. Otherwise, ready for it to be over. His words and actions have shown he isn't willing to work on anything and if that is incorrect, it was up to him to prove otherwise. I'm tired of all the BS.

In a recent discussion (I won't even say argument because I was completely calm and rational), I told him I just want to get past this one way or another. All of his answers were "i don't know" and he asked why I keep going back to the same questions - asking what he wants, thinks, feels. I told him that those are the basics of communication - talking about what you want, think and feel about any given person or situation. He tried to say that he didn't know the answers to any of those questions in relation to our relationship - and he wanted to move on from there. But I told him - move on in what way? Together (how? cause things certainly cannot be how they were, because even he admitted that it was "not a very good" relationship) or apart (when moving out?)
No answers, no solution.

I'm just tired.

If no action/solutions, eviction filing Monday


Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
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"In talking with friends/family, the conclusion many of them have drawn as to why he hasn't or won't leave is that he loves me and wants to work things out but doesn't know how to verbalize that or take action to do that. "

This is the stupidest f-ing thing I ever heard. Note to self: DON'T rely on your friends and family for advice, they're idiots!

If this is how he felt, he would have DONE something for your birthday. He hasn't left yet because he's got no money and no place to go and he's completely incapable of forming any kind of plan for his life.

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lmfao, no kidding

no argument or defense here


i think as a general rule #1 my friends and family want me to be happy and they know i love him and want things to work #2 i think people want to believe the best in people and they want to believe in love

Last edited by Toomanywords; 06/19/10 01:40 AM.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
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How is it going, TMW? Did you have to go to the courthouse to file? Please don't stop posting...


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IO just read Ellie's (KML) post. I thought exactly the same thing when I read what family & friends say. BIggest load of crap I've ever heard. Glad you posted it Ellie. I was afraid to. Also glad TMW agrees.

Now - I hope he is OUT ON THE STREET. Don't worry - his new girlfriend will take him in. Guys like this always seem to find someone to sponge off of. Like my ex brother in law. 3 kids. Never pays support. Never sees them or calls them. Never works. Always manages to find a girl who will take him in (and he is NO prize). Always manages to have Internet so he can stalk new prospective victims. What a guy!

Barb

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Hi, TMW!

I know you don't know me but I saw your thread and was curious so I read it all.

Just wanted to say that I understand how it is hard to break off a relationship with someone you love and have been with for so long, even if it is unhealthy. It looks like you are trying to end it, right?

Now don't think of this time as wasted...you weren't really ready to get married and have kids so soon after your divorce, right? It just really looks like this was a relationship you had to help you heal from your divorce, like a "blankie" or some other comfort. And even the crappy relationships help us learn what we "don't want."

Hey, imagine if you had married this guy- instead of breaking up, it would be another divorce! Aren't you so glad you didn't marry him? Imagine if you had kids with him--then you would have to see him forever! (I love my stbxh but it is so painful every time I have to see him when exchanging my S, let alone having to give him my S!)

For what it's worth, I believe you will be able to break up with him...it looks like a journey of one step forward, 2 steps back, and now 1 step forward, 1 step back...


me,34
exH,34
S,16 months
S:3/31/09-left for OW
started DBing 10/09
d final: sometime 10/10
current:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1
met in 2004

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NewMama: You have great insight here and I really agree with your comment about if she had married him - she'd be getting divorced. Right on!

Your advice is spot on!

Barb

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How's it going?


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Well TMW - what is the latest? Did he move out? How are you coping? Have things improved? Gotten worse?

Update please.

Barb

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he didn't move out after my last post or after the next incident or the next

but tonight he is packing and moving

can't write much more than that

i'm sure many of you are having a party over this. congrats. you were right.


Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
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