Question: What if H talks to the kids about "his" side. Should I talk to them about what to say in response? It's easy for me to say they should stand up to his behavior and what he says, but being very respectful kids, they are not going to probably be able to say much other than try to make him feel better. It's easier said than done for a LBS to take a stand, much less a teenager to a dad they've always respected and loved.
And why do I have this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach again?
H left the house several hours ago to supposedly go get some new khaki pants. Normally that would take him an hour at most. Not only that, but he has not purchased a single thing. I can tell by looking online at the accounts. I happen to know he had little to no cash last night because S needed $20 and he didn't have it and I had to go to ATM to get him some cash.
Not only that, but I just went into the bathroom and he had the strangest things in there: Veet hair removal and this back acne stuff. He has used this stuff to take all the hair off his back! OK: classic MLC behavior, I'm sure, that goes along with trying to better his appearance. But he does that AND has been gone with no real explanation for 2 1/2 hours???
At these times I really wish he weren't living at home. I really do. It makes my stomach turn and I don't know how to react. Do I casually say, "Wow...that was a long shopping trip for pants..." Do I not say anything???
I wasn't going to start a fight, but I know what you mean: don't give him any reason to use as an excuse for not attending. I guess even if I mention casually and "friendly" that it was a long shopping trip he might take it as "where the he*# have you been?!"
Sometimes the best jui-jitsu fighters know they have to take a pounding in order to get to the right position and/or guard so they can then turn around and dominate the situation.
You are in that position now. You are going to have to suck this up, and DOCUMENT EVERYTHING and just KEEP QUIET.
Then you will be able to DIRECT YOUR CONVERSATIONS, TRAP HIM, AND PIN HIM based on all your itel.
So take what he is giving, and just know that you are going to use HIS OWN MOMENTUM AND FOCUS AGAINST HIM when you achieve a better position.
Gosh, it just seems like we are all going back and forth with each in one big sh*tstorm of marriage, doesn't it?
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
Good advice though - and your perspective helps me a lot, mentally! It isn't that I'm being a doormat by not saying anything, I'm just observing and taking notes right now - for use at a later time. :-)
Quick update: H came home and stated he had to get car check out while he was gone because it was making a bad noise. That may or may not be true, but whatever.
Incidentally, he did end up on a personal shopping spree. Bought himself 3-4 pairs of pants and new shirts. Now, am I against him spending money on himself? No, of course not. BUT... he did just purchase lots of clothing for himself just 8 weeks ago. All this attention to his appearance and his self-absorption is quite sickening. When he came home with all this and S14 asked if he'd gotten him anything, H just kinda looked at him like "Why would I do that?" and commented as such as well. Can't remember his exact words but that was the implication. (I promise I'm not reading into it...S14 looked at me like, "Ohhh Kay....." He also stated he went by Starbucks and S14 asked if he got him anything and once again, No... it's all about him. He never asks any of us anymore if he can get us anything. Even when I was out last night I texted them (H and boys) to see if they wanted anything from Starbucks... we've always done that. Not H anymore!
Just to add...of course he went straight to playing XBox once home but that's not surprising. He's not done any of the prerequisite homework for upcoming weekend yet. You log on to this site and while you don't have access to your partner's work, it does show whether they've completed it or not. I bet he doesn't even do it. I'm not supposed to say anything. They said they'll deal with it if he doesn't do it.
It's likely better that he does NOT do the homework.
It may just scare him off...
True! You just never know with H. He's definitely a weird one to figure out.
So far, the first two things have been fairly quick. An assessment of how things are and then, how they SHOULD be: specific questions on issues of commitment, passion, and how you view your partner.
The next section looks to be a quick survey of how you were raised, your background, etc...
The 3rd is a section that looks like a behavioral/personality profile.
Been studying most of the day. S14 wanted to watch a movie with me in the living room so of course I said yes. Guess what he picked??? COUPLES RETREAT! Seen it before, but just so ironic, with H and I going to the weekend thing next weekend. H came into kitchen/living area to grab a bite to eat and it was actually a bit awkward watching a movie about a couples weekend seminar... Well, esp. since I know how badly he doesn't want to go!
FUNNY movie though. I sure wish all marital problems could be solved as easy as they are in the movie. Wouldn't that be nice?!
