He's been hiding in video games and facebook for how long now?
And NOW instead of hiding and brooding with his negative cynical emotions he has to take those into a room and DEAL with them?
Given his negative emotions overwhelming him right now he has no confidence that anything GOOD will come of the weekend. He's convinced whatever happens it will be terrible and he just wants to hide in his room and play video games...
You were talking about the two boys celebrating him for giving them a larger TV... Isn't ONE of them in the loop on his facebook activity? Won't they see through that?
How much did the TV cost? Is it typical for one or the other of you to buy a big-ticket item without first discussing it with the other?
Puppy
It was $500-600. He discussed it with my briefly the other day, but at that time I told him we should be shelling out $1500 for this weekend retreat. I never said "no" but I didn't say yes either.
Of course, finances were an area of contention when the bomb came. He said I was not responsible with money, etc... Now: I will give you that. I don't handle money well. However, I never intentionally went out and spent money we didn't have. Everything I've spent money on has been for the kids needs, not myself.
Anyway, supposedly, he was taking over finances because I wasn't doing a good job budgeting. Well, he doesn't handle money well either. I did a big budget worksheet FT gave me and am in the process of learning financial skills. I thought when he did not get the tv Wed. night that it was a moot point but I guess not.
Of course, behind all of this is H's attitude that HE earns ALL the money and that HE never sees any benefit from it...that it all goes to house, kids, me, etc... SO, it's part of his MLC/teenage attitude, whatever you want to call it. Just like his spending the money on himself to go to Vegas 8 weeks back! It's all about him these days.
He's been hiding in video games and facebook for how long now?
And NOW instead of hiding and brooding with his negative cynical emotions he has to take those into a room and DEAL with them?
Given his negative emotions overwhelming him right now he has no confidence that anything GOOD will come of the weekend. He's convinced whatever happens it will be terrible and he just wants to hide in his room and play video games...
You were talking about the two boys celebrating him for giving them a larger TV... Isn't ONE of them in the loop on his facebook activity? Won't they see through that?
I hope he sees through it. Of course, doesn't mean he won't be happy about having the big tv! lol
Sit him down and explain to him that its just a ploy to distance himself from his children further...
EDUCATE your children...
If he decides to be a man he will give BACK the TV and tell him to return it
Wouldn't that be amazing to see? Your SON be the GROWN up and tell his FATHER to return the TV because its not something the house can afford right now?
Hmmmm.... good idea. I did discuss with S16 that I felt it was just a means to further escape into XBox world. The thing is, S16 felt that it is better, if dad is going to escape, to do so in XBox rather than Facebook. He asked if Dad was still doing the FB stuff. I said I did not know for sure. SO, I think he's wanting to give H the benefit of the doubt. I felt I had to be honest with him.
Quite frankly - he's right on that point. IF H is no longer trolling FB, etc... it probably is better that he is escaping into Xbox rather than another person.
And, if I were to admit it - it does solve another issue. D18 is going off to college next month and H was going to get her a tv for her apt anyway. Now, she can take the old one. SO...I don't know.
Having said all of that, I think S16 could still be useful in this regard to say something to H!
Since I will be discussing all of this with D18 on Monday (she returns from cheer camp late Sunday night) what is my approach with all of this? How can S and D help the marriage? What is it that I need to show/tell D18 and S16 so they know "how to be" in all of this?
I know you have talked at length about how families/friends of the marriage can support the M. How do you do this when it's your S and D?
I am going to pray deeply about S14. While technically he's old enough to be involved, I have to be cognizant of where he is at. I truly think it's best with him to wait to expose if he has to know, due to his Aspergers.
It sounds like your Son is pretty grown up already.
I would sit down with them and explain to them how marriages work. How delicate they are... how much risk there is of outside interferences.
They are dating age and its good for them to learn that "trust" isn't a safeguard for a relationship of any kind. That is important, but if all you have are two wreckless people who trust each other the relationship is headed for the crapper.
I would sit with both of them, teach them about relationships in GENERAL, and then explain that there are some interferences in your own marriage - FACEBOOK and XBOX.
Explain to them you two are gonig away for a weekend to START learning more about this stuff. Explain that they are free to ask questions, but to NOT approach their father abotu any of this right now because he's dealing with a lot.
This is an opportunity to bond with your kids as adults.
Take them to a restaurant or something so you know your H won't overhear or interrupt... A SAFE place. But introduce it as a relationships 101 course in general first... They will do MUCH better in their own marriages later on for you taking the time out to educate them NOW... better to learn this stuff NOW than when they are 43 right?
I am not worried at all... I am sure you will handle it well.
I am more worried about Eeyore today... His wife is having an internet affair... Even had CYBERSEX in her young daughters bedroom with her THERE ASLEEP NEXT TO HER... sick...
And NOW Eeyore has decided to tell his wife that he cheated on her before they got married... NOW... talk about handing your wayward spouse a fully loaded shotgun!
