Oh well... thinking that reconciling may be a hopeless fiasco. That's what I am feeling right now anyway.
I really, really, really want to do the right thing, but STBXW is still very confused IMO.
She actually asked why I could so easily write off a friend (who I was not close too) for the EA but not write her off. Keep in mind that I have not been sure whether or not to write off this M, and I sure as heck will rather than deal with somebody who cannot see why I would not permanently discard a friend who did not respect me or my M and yet try to be open to the possibility that there may be something to save in terms of our M.
The bottom line is if she cannot put that EA behind her, then I can't either.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 07/21/1011:15 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Journaling: got a late start this AM (up at 7), and didn't walk dogs until after 8.
Gotta take off to wash car & get gas soon, come home, shower (it's already HOT and HUMID here), and then get ready for the "date". I said I would call STBXW around 11 AM.
Dogs are collapsed. One is cooling on the kitchen tile floor, and the other is sprawled out on the wood floor in the living room.
Well, get I had better start getting motivated. Promised myself I would take care of the car at 9 AM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Enjoy your day TH, take it slow and I heard the movie was awesome. I to got a late start need to get a lot done today, I guess we have something in common, W and I are actually doing something together today which ahsnt happened in a while(its church) which I will not complain not really a date but time together to be myself with her and the kids.
Thinks for responding on my Posts...I took a some time out today to re-read yours. I noticed we have several things in common. No kids, 2 dogs, not drinking, etc.
Hope your "date" together goes well.
I'm feeling pretty angry now...not guilty anymore because I can't do anything to ever fix the past. I've accepted the fact that I can't control anything except me moving forward. However, I'm mad, very bad thoughts about how W handled our sitch, not like violence mad, but just bad thoughts mad. Did you ever feel this way?
If you did, can you tell me if I'm close to "detaching", I'm by no means happy...and I still have a lot to do for myself, but am I close? Or is it just another up and down kind of thing? I'm so irritable today and just want to get on phone and tell her off regardless of outcome.
Detaching isn't about not having a wide range of feelings, it's about letting those feelings control you. If you find yourself losing control, remove yourself from the room, take a walk, take a shower, go to the store/library, anywhere but where you are feeling these emotions.
I too am struggling with anger towards my W. Anger is normal, and perfectly justified. I'm angry my wife is giving up, that she's willing to sacrifice our family's wellbeing for a fantasy life. When I feel this way, I carefully drive on some errand, and then park the car and just scream. It doesn't always help, but I figure it's better than letting my anger fester and grow.
I love my wife, and I wish things were different. Eventually you'll get to the point where you accept what's really happening, and the anger will get worse. Then it will mellow to something else.
The important thing is to remember that you can control your actions, but not your emotions. The best thing about my sitch is realizing this.
I know I have not detached. MY DB Coach helped me a lot last night, but then I received that text I was talking about in my post. It's almost to the point where I see reality and I'm trying to embrace it, I finally had the courage to sign the papers, I let her know this...and then she asks me if I'm going to sign? WTF!
It was instant anger and I'm still mad...I even beat the crap out of my pillow, hoping to relieve it...I've prayed about it...I'm just tired of feeling this way. Literally, tired! I just want to snap my fingers and not give a damn anymore. It hurts me more to feel this anger, than the pain of missing my wife.
I did a no-no and snapped back at her text. Haven't heard a word and really don't care if I hurt her, or if she was drunk and trying to show her friends or OM how I would react, or whatever the hell the purpose was. Now, I'm mad that I even responded. ARGGGGGGGGGGGGH
Then I just get this sinking feeling that maybe she's just lost her mind...when she interacts it seems like she just doesn't know WTF she's doing or saying. From one extreme to the other.
You're right, she doesn't know what she's doing. All she knows is what she's feeling. That's what drives most WASs. I agree that it often seems like they're insane; throwing away a long relationship, trashing finances, and hurting children. But all they can see is some NeverNeverLand that will fix the hole in their heart.
I hate feeling the way I do, this ever-present weight upon my chest, this sense that my heart is just beating millimeters from the skin of my chest. The mood swings, the anger, the grief, the sadness, the guilt. It all just sucks.
Letting go, really letting go will take time and strength. Time for your heart to mend, strength to accept the reality that she's leaving. If you really want to get over her, think of all the bad times. It's natural to remember all the good times you've had, but do a 180 and think of every time she put you down, or denied sex, or any of a million things she did that drove you crazy. No relationship is all wine and roses.
My brother in law lost his daughter to murder in 2005, the same year I found out I had cancer. He still hasn't recovered, and has lost much of his sense of humor. I don't want the death of my marriage to do the same to me. I want to live and love with an open heart; and to have someone love me, warts and all. I've accepted that my wife doesn't. She may later at some time, but I can't wait. We're only given so many ticks on the clock, and waiting for someone to come out of their fog is costing me my life.
I read this once- Don't make your divorce the highlight of your life. It is pretty wise. Only you can make it a horror in your life. You control your emotions and your life. It is easier said than done but just don't make this that big of a deal. It hurts, but you will survive. It is almost like a death, I know that, I have been there. I am sorry you feel bad.
