"The M you have reached has been disconnected...."

[dl443322]

Yep, Kerry, gotta love those Mets fans. They keep hoping - lol!

Hey FIB, how are you, my friend?

I know I have told you this story before, but I'm going to tell you it again.

When I was little, in my crazy, dysfunctional, f'd up family, my father would set aside 30 minutes a week for just the two of us. We would do whatever I wanted - a board game, a walk, watch the Yanks, whatever.

And even though he was a great dad - came to school events, sporting events, talked to me about stuff - it is those 30 minutes that I remember so vividly. Those 30 minutes that matter so much, even now.

So, dont measure your time with your children in hours or days. Measure it in moments - an arm around a shoulder, throwing a ball, swimming in a hotel pool. Those are the memories they will carry.

And they will remember that during a very difficult part of their childhood, their daddy acted with honor. Their daddy was the stable, loving parent. They will. I promise you that.

The financial stuff, well, that just sucks. I know from where you speak - I am probably never going to recover from it.

I will be living in a tent somewhere - lol! But, I will know that I have nothing to be ashamed of. I acted in the best way I knew how. And I protected my son as best I could.

So, they will be ok, Frank. You will be, too. And someday, when the time is right, you will fall in love again. And it will be with someone you can respect and who respects you. And you will know so much more than you did the first time around. You will know what you want and what you dont.

Try to find peace, my friend. Try to enjoy life a little. Cherish those children because they grow up so fast. And remember, it matters how you acted, it matters that you were there for them. It matters.

[CityGirl]

No Mets fans here!

I heart the Yankees.

[faithisbelieving]

Ah...well....I guess I grew up Mets and will probably stay a fan at heart. My dad was a Yankee fan. I remember seeing Stan Bahnsen and Mel Stottelmyre pitch. Again, Brooklyn, I remember going to ball games with my dad.

XW went nuts again when informed about a bid on the house. I was working to get the bid up a bit. She accused me of keeping her in the dark and 'turning them down'. Untrue.

XW: "I'll see you in court."

Ugh. Forwarded her texts to my atty and had to write another letter to the realtors and forward my texts to XW that showed I had sent her updates on the house, so, as in my L's words, "to head off another motion by them."

There have been some big changes in my life the last few weeks. Positive stuff. FIB

[mishka422]

Care to expand on the big changes?

[smith18]

The man who gets your XW is in for a world of misery.

Good to hear you have positive things going for you. Good things happen to good people.

Things could not be better between my XW and myself. I even took a tour of her and Ed's new motorhome last night. They were taking the kids to Disneyland and Newport Beach today.

[kat727]

I hope Ed is a fit 70 year old otherwise I don't know how he hopes to keep up with your kids! I do admire how you can even be around him.

kat

[mulesqb]

Just wanted to tell everyone that I had the pleasure of meeting FIB in person a few weeks ago. He is exactly what I pictured. A great guy, who has been through he!! and back and who will persevere.

Congrats on the changes in your life FIB! Things will continue to get better and better. Nobody deserves it more than you.


Strength and Honor.

Mules

[faithisbelieving]

And I have only the same thing to say about mulesqb. It blows me away at how some women will throw away good..in fact GREAT men. I had the opportunity to have lunch with mulesqb in Manhattan. Overall great guy with an inner strength that is amazing. Strong dad. Some woman will be lucky to catch him.l

It's been almost 3 weeks since posting. Amazing since I used to post daily and, in fact, multiple posts.

One interesting thing to say is, I made a 'wrong comment' in front of my son a few weeks ago. I said, "well, maybe daddy will get married again someday." My son burst into tears. He opened up in the car in front of his little sister, without prodding, about mommy's boyfriends and how she was spending less time with them. Jimmy and Frank. And, my son was blurting out TOO many details for a ten year old boy to know:
"Mom had a fight on the phone because he wasn't calling."
She also had a guy sleepover. What my son was basically saying to me was "dad, if you get married, you won't have time for me either and I'm feeling abandoned". Don't worry S10, I'm not going anywhere... you are number 1 in my books right now.

I like my good friend's phrase: "the revolving door". It's sad, for my kids. I would have hoped that XW would have been able to spare the kids a bit longer, but, of course, no. It was...and IS...all about her.

I am hearing stories now about XW. "People are calling her the f-hole of Anywhere, NY." "She was doing jello shots off of John's stomach" (the husband of my son's den mother). "She was sucking face with some guy for over an hour in the corner of a party."

There you go. Great rep for the mother of my children. I wrote to my attorney, knowing that there is little that you can do about this stuff. She sent me a great email:

As it turns out, the most important personal advice 'Jane' (her daughter) and I have given you was to steer clear of [another job I was looking at]. Given your medical expertise and surgical talent, we both knew that there were far more rewarding things in store for you.

How right we were!

As to your divorce, the judge has delayed signing same due to several omissions of required forms not submitted by X atty (etc, yada yada)

Here comes my final lawyerly advice to you (once again) regarding your onging concerns about the children:

At this juncture, although technically still married, both you and XW remain free to date others -- even to the point of having overnight "guests" when the children are present. In the past, I have actually gone to trial over just such post-divorce issue. Here is the court's general and realistic position when there are children involved (even regarding live-in lovers):

"So long as the bedroom door remains closed, the custodial parent remains free to have overnight guests or live-in paramours!"

Despite your voiced misgivings, your children will learn to love you even more without their mother lurking in the background. Your relationship will be new and different, but far better emotionally for them -- now removed from a conflicted household. When with you, they will relax, and they will soon learn that things will now be done "daddy's way."

XW still, to a degree, will punish me with using the kids. She still throws out barbs at me. She, for some reason, wears a colorful tunic I bought her at times when we have to be together (Meet the Teacher for one e.g.). The tunic was purchased under incredibly romantic circumstances while trying to save the marriage. I think she does it to 'punish' me.

She recently threatened me with going back to court over a bid that was made on the house. This required a flurry of texts to be faxed to my atty's office to fend off a motion for total BS.

And finally, last night was my daughter's Meet The Teacher night XW showed up 20 minutes late. I was sitting at D7's desk and I am surprised she didn't try and make a scene and make me get up. I am thinking better now. I purchased a Hannah Montana musical card, her favorite candy and a small nothing little toy and stuffed it in her desk where she will find it in the morning. After the intro, and waiting until XW left, I went up to speak to the teacher.

I discussed D7's medical issues from last year and truly gave her a fair mature picture of what was going on without denigrating XW. I told her I was a hand's on father, what days my parenting times were and the teacher responded that she would make a second packet for me and put it in D7's backpack on Wednesdays. Finally, I told her that I had a special relationship with D7 and that it was very important that she have 2 parents involved.

The teacher then seemed to get choked up:

D7's teacher: I know. On the first day of school, your daughter was having a rough time and was crying. I asked her what was wrong and D7 said to me, "I miss my daddy".

A lump came up in my throat. I must be doing something right.

Strength and honor.

FIB

[JAK58]

I discussed D7's medical issues from last year and truly gave her a fair mature picture of what was going on without denigrating XW. I told her I was a hand's on father, what days my parenting times were and the teacher responded that she would make a second packet for me and put it in D7's backpack on Wednesdays. Finally, I told her that I had a special relationship with D7 and that it was very important that she have 2 parents involved.

The teacher then seemed to get choked up:

D7's teacher: I know. On the first day of school, your daughter was having a rough time and was crying. I asked her what was wrong and D7 said to me, "I miss my daddy".

A lump came up in my throat. I must be doing something right.

Strength and honor.

FIB


This is a wonderful example of real and loving parenting!
Strenth and Honor FIB.
You rock.

JAK

[kat727]

I think you are doing a lot right. You are an awesome Dad.

kat