Would it help if I told you your SON is watching all of this, and is forming the basis of how he is going to deal with the really difficult challenges HE will face in his life?
Puppy
It may not help Puppy. But it sure does give me a great reason to handle things like a true gentlemen and with respect.
I get it Puppy. Somehow I have to remember that. Right now, I am sitting at my desk at work, scared beyond belief that it really is finally over.
You have to let go of the fear. Fear will not lead you to do the right thing, and doing the right thing is all that matters here. Feel it, then let it go, and do not let it determine your actions. Do the right thing.
If you play along with her agenda, she's already moved out, and she will eventually find somebody (if she hasn't already) to replace you. That's her agenda: to go on with her life without you eventually, and she isn't going to become a nun.
So... playing along with what makes her happy all of the time is leading you to divorce anyway. It's pointless.
That doesn't mean you have to be nasty. You can be polite and civil, but you should not let somebody take advantage of you and treat you poorly. On top of diminishing their respect for you, you lose self-respect when you do that.
Shake things up. Start making plans with your kids on the weekend that do not involve her. Make plans for yourself. Every little GAL effort helps.
Remember:
1. Sleep well. 2. Excercise daily 3. Try new things. 4. Make taking care of your kids and yourself your top priority for now.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 07/22/1004:37 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Would it help if I told you your SON is watching all of this, and is forming the basis of how he is going to deal with the really difficult challenges HE will face in his life?
Puppy
and sadly repeat the same f!@#$king mistakes and then to get mad at you one day and say why couldn't you have taught me better, I'm your son, it was your responsibility!
And he will be right, it will be your fault.
He will become the same man you are right now with a wife that doesn't love him and doesn't want to be with him unless he's receiving positive influences from other sources.
Would it help if I told you your SON is watching all of this, and is forming the basis of how he is going to deal with the really difficult challenges HE will face in his life?
Puppy
and sadly repeat the same f!@#$king mistakes and then to get mad at you one day and say why couldn't you have taught me better, I'm your son, it was your responsibility!
And he will be right, it will be your fault.
He will become the same man you are right now with a wife that doesn't love him and doesn't want to be with him unless he's receiving positive influences from other sources.
Take this to heart! I have 2 daughters, and I've been a poor role model for them. I became a sedentary, lazy, controlling SOB. Now I try and act like a kind, confident man who they'll love AND respect. I don't want them dating and marrying someone like the man I used to be.
of course it's true, children learn from their parents, it's not so different from animals.
It's a survival mechanism, watch your parents, record their actions in your brain, emulate those actions, become them so that they can grow to be adults, mate with another adult, pass on genes/have children
Would it help if I told you your SON is watching all of this, and is forming the basis of how he is going to deal with the really difficult challenges HE will face in his life?
Puppy
It may not help Puppy. But it sure does give me a great reason to handle things like a true gentlemen and with respect.
Don't confuse gentlemanlyness with fear, nor respect with timidity.
Yes, be a gentleman and be respectful. But teach your children to work thru difficult problems by FACING their fears, steeling themselves, and acting with true COURAGE and FORTITUDE, despite their fears.
how many times has a parent heard from their young children, "when I grow up I want to be just like mommy/daddy"
- there's a reason for it, it's a built-in instinct, we're programmed to record & emulate the behavior of our parents so that we learn to grow & adapt to our environments, so that we survive and flourish.
Ever notice how much fun it is for your little ones to play fight with each other or even more so with their parents, someone they can test their strength on, climb all over, pull & tug on, growl at, wrestle, etc.
Ever notice while working on a home reno project, and little ones are around, "hey mom/dad can I help paint?", dad can I help you while you're working with your tools? what tool is this? what does it do? Can I hold the hammer, can I swing it? Can I hold the drill? I want to drill a hold, screw this in, etc. I want to hold that wrench, I want to tighten this bolt? I want to use this screwdriver. I want to use the computer.
Children have a built-in need to learn, it's a requirement, it's part of their growth process, their brains at that stage are literally designed to soak up vast amounts of knowledge.
That's why having children learn multiple languages at an early age is a very good idea, their brains will learn much easier at a young age than they would if they had to perform the same learning task as an adult.
That's why I have mentioned in other threads, during this process and in life in general, be the best person you can be for you first & foremost and then be a great parent because you achieve the latter by doing the first.
If you lead and live a great life, and be a great parent, you will pretty much guarantee your children will learn the same from you.
of course it's true, children learn from their parents, it's not so different from animals.
It's a survival mechanism, watch your parents, record their actions in your brain, emulate those actions, become them so that they can grow to be adults, mate with another adult, pass on genes/have children
wash - rinse - repeat
I grew up watching two parents who respected each other, who made joint decisions and who had lots of sex and fun together.
Of course I expected to have a wife who I'm enjoying life with and having tons of intimacy.
Don't confuse gentlemanlyness with fear, nor respect with timidity.
Yes, be a gentleman and be respectful. But teach your children to work thru difficult problems by FACING their fears, steeling themselves, and acting with true COURAGE and FORTITUDE, despite their fears.
Exactly. And yet... we see so many here cower into total submission when D and seperation are thrown at them... which is exactly what you don't want to do.
The weird thing about detatching is that divorce--if it comes to that--doesn't really scare you anymore. You want to divorce me? OK, that doesn't scare me, and I no longer ask myself how you could do that because I know I can do that too, and it really isn't hard (or the right way to treat somebody, IMO).
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
