M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
You already know this, but it bears repeating. You are the smiley-est divorcing woman ever. You have a lot of people who love and support you. I know you worry for your kids, but you are an excellent pillar for them. They will pull through.
Fergie /Feels kinds weird being back on your thread //But a good weird
Fergie reminded me last night of our threads. I thought I'd give an update this am.
We are on the "fairly" fast track to divorce. STBX was served mid-July, after him dropping the bomb on the kids and my parents (early-May), and then not doing anything about it. He would float in and out of our lives from time to time, between May and mid-July, always leaving a wake of chaos and destruction.
So, I just did it.
We have never openly discussed his infidelity. He doesn't know of my proof. IL is a no fault state, so it really doesn't matter, however, my attorney holds the proof in safe keeping.
The night he was served was pretty stressful, moreso, the day/events of the day leading up to it. The actual serving itself, and immediate response was "textbook STBX". I was smart, and had a male friend who is big, an attorney, calm, and "was" a friend(ish) of my STBX's. My friend offered to be there to keep the drama at a minimum. He saw first hand the absolute worst side of STBX, never blinked an eye, and remained calm, cool and collected while STBX pitched his fit. Remarkably, my anxiety lifted, once he was served, and approached me after being served. He called me every name imaginable. He blamed me for breaking up our kids home. He called my BFF awful names, as he was convinced she intro'd me to my lawyer. He went upstairs and told my boys that he would never see them again, and then came down to my friend and I, and told us they were in their rooms crying, and told me to go handle them.
My lawyer had to file for a temporary Order of Protection when he was verbally (and in txt) completely abusing me, for no reason... The judge granted it immediately, and now STBX can only communicate via txt or email, about the boys, w/no disparaging comments.
Since then, he's finally keeping to a schedule w/my boys (Gee, thought you weren't going to see them ever again. Glad you caused that drama.) He's disputed (legally) everything requested in my divorce petition, and was immediately shut down (legally), and I got what everything I want temporarily.
Next steps... We are all going to have a sit down (STBX, his lawyer, me and my lawyer), and see what we can all agree on up front. (My idea.) We have a mediation session on the 23rd to discuss our co-parenting. (I don't expect much to change there. He and I have temporarily agreed to every other weekend, w/one day during the week, from after school until 8pm.)
There's a status hearing on 8/24, almost exclusively for my STBX's information. I have my financial affidavit completed, and all of my homework done. He has done nothing.
My 10+ years of income taxes have finally been filed. My tax attorney is negotiating a settlement w/the IRS, but not too quickly, as our temporary support and maintenance will be based on my income, as well, and right now... I have hardly any coming to me, as my wages are being garnished (due to my STBX's not filing of my tax returns). It feels good to get that done, though. Really good. And, STBX doesn't have knowledge of my filing. (They will be on him NEXT, and he didn't voluntarily approach them with them completed, filed, and ready to negotiate.)
Currently, STBX has been ordered to keep paying for the household, and family expenses. In the interim, I've been looking for housing for the boys and me. I vacillate between buying something right now (the market is ripe for this!), and renting for a year. I think renting is the right decision, as I have no idea where I'll "be" a year from now. I've done a lot of homework on this, and have found a house I could live in, and with, as either a short, and/or a fairly long term solution. It's cute, in a superb neighborhood, at an awesome price, and in my same area. I'm having lunch w/the owner on Tuesday (friend of mine), and we'll see where it goes. Since he is my friend, there are more options...
My boys are doing okay. Dad has, for the time being, calmed down. He's, actually, the perfect Disney Dad, when he's with them. I have been leaving the house on Sat/Sun, and he comes and stays w/them. I feel this is for the best, interim, as it keeps them from having too much to transition to right now. So, Dad comes, takes them out to breakfast, then they do some type of water sport, bowling, golf, go carting, mini-putting, etc.. adventure, then they go out to lunch. After that, add in another adventure activity, and then they go out to dinner. They finally get to bed about midnight, then we repeat on Sunday. It's a life, if you can get it! (In the meantime, he was whining to the judge about not being able to pay their private school tuition?)
This lifestyle will hopefully calm down, as their club soccer and school football season started last week. We'll see how Disney Dad does w/actual responsibility.
We've already had some issues. I try to keep him abreast of all the affects their schedule during his time, but activities change, practices get altered, etc... He's had a few temper tantrums, and I just ignore them. The only one I didn't like involved him putting me in the middle between my BFF and him. He has blown up at her for referring me to my lawyer (she didn't) and told her to never call or txt him again, right after the serving... This weekend he has invited her son w/my boys and he to an amusement park. Well, he claimed he won't talk to her to arrange anything, and was trying to force me to... (Excuse me, this is not my activity, nor did I invite anyone anywhere?!) I told him not to put me in the middle, and handle his own life. He replied back. "You are in the middle because you filed for a permanent change in the boys lives." HUH? So, IGNORE is the best thing to do. I'm sorry I even let him get that far, and learned! IGNORE anything other than something pressing w/the boys. It is freeing.
So, that's it. I'll give you guys an update once in awhile, but, just know...
I'm VERY happy. I'm free of this man, but will do my very best to co-parent. My boys deserve it. I've spent a lot of time w/friends and family, and, of course... my favorite blonde! BIG SMILES!
Last edited by mindfull; 08/12/1012:13 PM.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Rocked! Thx, as well! I am happy. Hell, I'll say it. I'm damn happy to be rid of him. RID of the snark, suspicions and disrespect. It's a TOB! I need to get an update on you!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
