Let me tell you a problem that is going to end up destroying your marriage. Either sooner or later, but it WILL destroy it..
YOUR low self esteem. You self esteem is so low that you have a hard time believing that not only your wife could love you, but most any woman. THAT is your problem. You almost ruined your relationship by the ten years of abuse. That abuse is a symptom of your low self esteem and needing to bring her down so you can feel better.
PLEASE do not fall victim to your low self esteem. You need to start changing your thought process. You need to start thinking in terms of "wow I really have changed and I am a good catch now, I am glad she still loves me and I almost blew it. I have come a long way and I will be fine with or without her. She says she loves me and I am going to accept that. She says she is going to try and I do see that she is and I am thankful that she is. I can't believe how happy I now am that we have come so far."
Better than sex: In Youngstown this weekend there is a regatta. You should be able to see most of the course racing Saturday and Sunday from Fort. For a sleepy little hollow, the town will be a fun time with a few good restaurants for dinner and cocktails. I'd make reservations ahead of time.
Just something to think about. I would hate to see you all talk about the same things over and over, and over and over.
W slept up till I left for work, when leaving for work, I told W that I was taking off, gave W a kiss and said I would call her around 930 or so, W said "OK."
Just as I pulled out my driveway I called Retrouvaille and asked some questions about the program, explained our situation pretty much saying "W and I ran in to M problems, for the past 7 months W told me she wanted separation and eventually divorce, over a week ago W said she wanted to work on our marriage. We have communication trouble and W has a lot of resnetment toward me from past hurt" The person said that is exactly what the weekend is for...He proceeded to ask me a few questions and make a few statements. He then said that he or his W would need to speak with my W to get confirmation she is committed. I told him I will talk with my W and go from there.
Later in the night during some down time I called W. W told me how she still had a headache and she did not take new meds yet because she is afraid of the side affects. I talk to W about how my night was going so far we had a few different conversations non-R. I then told W how I called the Retrouvaille and explained the questions I was asked ect...I said to W "They require to speak to both H/W before sending out the application. They do have a few questions for you. I told him I would let you know and allow you to arrange a time to speak with them" W said "OK"
I then went on to tell W about the cost, lodging ect.
We then spoke briefly about a free concert we plan on attending tomorrow.
Knowing that we or I have to go grocery shopping I knew W would not have anything to eat in the AM. I told W that on my way home from work in the morning I will bring us some breakfast. W sound like she liked the idea.
Detecting W sounding drowsy and in pain due to headache I told W I would let her rest and said good night, W returned the goodnight. End of Call ===================================================
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Do NOT say "there is no need to be sorry"..
The better reply to her is.."Oh that's ok honey, I know your head hurts and you need your rest"
OK. In the past W would say "I always felt like I am doing wrong" and would apologize often. I just wanted to let her know that she has reason to be sorry, she did nothing wrong but I agree your way sounds better. Also about that conversation W had also asked me "Do you wish you would had gone to work now?" and I replied "No, I enjoyed spending the day with you"
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MY question is.. WHY are you saying it.. To get her to say it back or to find out IF she loves you? To hear her say it back? That is the way it is coming across to me. Women can sense when you have lack of confidence when you say things like that. AND you Do LACK CONFIDENCE.. Which means it is coming across to her as.... "please say it back to me, oh please tell me you love me too.. I love you I love you, do you love me back?"
NOT GOOD...
I want to say "NO" but when I think about it I convinced myself that her words would be affirmation that she does. Terrible way of thinking and I can see where she would get annoyed by this. She said she does, I know she does and I will accept she does. I will stop saying ILY because I am the only one initiating it at this point and I will show her through actions.
Gucci, you are reading me like a book. Please know I am not purposely failing. Your advice is great and I will continue to follow it.
Originally Posted By: Steve McQueen
Better than sex: In Youngstown this weekend there is a regatta. You should be able to see most of the course racing Saturday and Sunday from Fort. For a sleepy little hollow, the town will be a fun time with a few good restaurants for dinner and cocktails. I'd make reservations ahead of time.
Just something to think about. I would hate to see you all talk about the same things over and over, and over and over.
Not our cup of tea. W absolutely hates racing (as do I) but appreciate the suggesting. There are actually a series of free concerts coming to the region throughout July and August that we plan on attending. Keep the suggestions coming, I am always looking for new things for us to experience.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
Remember.. You ARE telling your wife you love her when you are doing things like...
Being nice to her....
Making her breakfast....
Stopping at the store for her.....
Holding her hand when walking or shopping...
allowing her to be happy and dream about vacations and having kids and other things she looks forward to while YOU act happy for her and interested and excited too...
changing things about yourself to become a better man... For you AND for her..(it IS okay to want to be a better man for your wife's benefit too you know..)
allowing her to be who she is.. allowing her to be angry... allowing her to be sad.. allowing her to be sick.... allowing her to be distant... allowing all of these things WHILE you stay happy, consistent and mature...
AND..... BEING A HAPPY MAN.. this tells her that SHE helps make you happy.. BE A HAPPY MAN.. She needs to see that SHE helps to make you happy....
Those are all ways that you are telling her you love her.
He's now getting kisses and able to hold hands. I bet he can sit down on the couch next to her and watch a movie with her. Give her a massage when her head or back is hurting.
Its definately improving. I'm sure the last sex session just happened that way, I'm sure she's going to test sex again with her husband before too long.
I think he gets to start reading books and articles on being a better lover. He needs to put it on her. He's going to get alot of mojo back and appear sexier to him, just because she is allowing him to have her.
I was shut out for 6 months, and just got a scrap last week. Let me tell you, it really took all that Negative Nancy stress out of me and made me a really cool boy. The effect lasted for several days. Being allowed to use my magic stick like "Mista Lova Lova", I know will inject all types of good mojo and kharma into me, and allow all the old stale pain and self-feedback to be released.
Its the same for OIN. Next time he gets it, he should make it last, and make sure he makes her FEEL IT.
