It sounds like your H is stepping up and supporting you. I'd say give him a chance to "fix" this with his mother and then observe the results. If she continues this attitude after he has discussed it with her, then you and your H will need to talk about what to do next. Bottomline - let H take this on and make sure he knows you appreciate him for supporting you (his wife).
Thanks girls... thats good advice, I hadnt thought of that - to tell him I appreciate him sticking up for me over this. Of course I tread carefully as noone should try and come between a mother and her son and as annoying as she is, he has alot of love and guilt all rolled in together and its very hard for him. He is still very angry and upset, he said again last night how angry he is at her but also, how responsible he feels for her since her partner walked out (6 years ago now).
We think his brother has said something, becuase she called last night and was very chatty, but she was gabbling nervously being bright in a brittle way. My BFF advised me to play it cool and stop trying with her.
It made me realise that ever since we got back together I have been super nice to her and ignored all the coldness and rudeness and pointed remarks, because I so desperately wanted her to love me again. How sad. Also, I was terrified last year that if anyone close to him didnt accept me, he would have doubts about our reconciliation. But I dont need to feel that fear now and this week, that fear lifted!
This morning I had to drop H at Helen's office.. he is tanned from holiday and looked gorgeous in his 'site work scruffs' and I had a little wave of anxiety over it. He told me I had NOTHING to worry about, thats all history now and he certainly couldnt care a less if he bumped into her or not. As it should be.
Back from honeymoon to the grind of work and life! lol It is really good that your H can see the problem that his Mum is causing. I think you guys are off to a great start regardless of MIL.
Maybe she is feeling the cardinal cross in a major way...
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Thanks Kat, yes maybe!! So still no pg.. we start IUI tommorow, I have to take the pill (eek, never taken it before!) and then we start injections a month from now. I'm dreading the whole thing and H wishes he could do it for me, but I just have to be brave and get on with it. After 9 months of actively trying, any conception would do at my age!
I mentioned a few things about the past recently (like how awful it was our beloved cat died the week before he left) and H just frowns and sighs. He has NO desire to discuss it right now, but I find I still have things I want to say when they crop up, but mostly I keep it to myself.
We saw my BFF this weekend and her kids (who ADORE H)..they didnt see him the whole time we were apart and there was this big seismic split in the history of our R and in their young lives of knowing him.. but now it was like the whole thing never even happened, no trace of it at all. It never ceases to be so freaky and surreal! But wonderful all the same.
Congratulations on your magical wedding and beginning of new life together.
Your mother-in-law's actions reflect her own transition from when y'all were a boyfriend, girlfriend to the separation to renewing your relationship and taking making your vows.
Actions speak louder than words. And it may have been a very good thing that your boyfriend left to work out his demons and conflict with your relationship. Perhaps this happy union would be incomplete without that period.
Cheers and virtual champagne toasts for your marriage!
Thanks Gypsy...you are right, except I found out since she had the same convo with my BFF (at the wedding!!) and that her reason was she thought it was ME that needed to work through things and that I needed to grow up in order to marry him and if he hadnt left that wouldnt have happened.. so.. she got it back to front!!! Of course, her son is her blue-eyed-boy (green actually) so he obviously didnt have demons and she sees it that he was justified in leaving me. That really hurt as I had been upset that we had been together 9 years nearly and he still hadnt asked me to marry him, when I was more than ready and telling all my gf's I wanted to M and have kids before the bomb.. but she doesnt see any of that.
H has been a bit withdrawn and when I ask why he says "I'm just tired". This rings alarm bells as thats what he said before the bomb. I addressed it with him, but he says its different this time, he IS just tired and he would tell me if it was anything more, but that he cant stress enough just how solid we are and I never need to worry. He hasnt been taking his ADs every day though, so I asked him to make sure it is just tiredness and not a low mood descending.
K.. I am on the pill now for 28 days, so no ovulation this month Then I do injections and then we go in for IUI in September and test on 28th. Our diagnosis so far is "unexplained", so thats helpful !
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Then I do injections and then we go in for IUI in September and test on 28th. Our diagnosis so far is "unexplained", so thats helpful !