Exactly Ken... You don't press for D... Leave your wife to do all that work and do NOT encourage her.
Just sit back and leave it alone. Your wife is going to probably try initially to pursue divorce to see if you pick up on it and help her along.
Your wife's going to be in a lot of pain soon if OM leaves finally and she lets go of that nonsense at last... Withdrawal can be quite painful and she will very likely think Divorce will end all that... It won't... It's her pain as a result of HER choices.
Just do your own thing and walk away when she talks divorce. If she wants to be honest about OM and cry on your shoulder you listen but don't hold her hand or any of that crap. Its GOOD for her to open up to you about her affair, this is how you two will bond again... But you can't get sucked into it Ken... you need to stay DETACHED and in control... Your wife is NOT running this marriage right now YOU are and that's how it SHOULD be until your wife is educated to make healthy choices for herself and her whole family... She's a walking hand grenade right now and shouldn't be making any of her decisions.
Just keep doin what you're doin.. Protecting your family, speaking up about the OM to everyone, and protesting your wife's treatment of her home and family...
And I would reccomend you continue to pursue the stalking injunction... As long as OM is anyway involved here you need to protect these kids... Don't back out on this.. You are a father too...
Ken please don't stop posting b/c we've been with you for a while now. If we were not interested...if we didn't care, then that would be different....but we do care. So many folks leave the board and we never know what happened. That's a terrible feeling when you've shared a great deal of time in that person's life.
I know you are tired and depressed. You believe in God, Ken...so trust in Him to hold you up. Think about the story of the footprints in the sand.
Stay in touch with us and let us know how you and the children are doing even if it's just a couple of words. Hope you can give us an update on how things have been the past couple of days.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thanks Sandi. I know that you guys care and I very much appreciate all the help you have given me. W seems to have finally broken it off with OM now, but she still seems quite uninterested in reconciliation. In fact, the day after she broke it off with OM, she was working on the divorce paperwork. She says she doesn't want him and she doesn't want me. So I have sort of accepted my fate. I'm really not worried about it anymore. I know that God has a plan for my life and I can move on.
My wife is asking for a divorce and I don't completely understand why.
Just keep doing what you've been doing Ken. GAL, 180's, etc. That's really all for you anyway, not for her. Right now, she's in withdrawl. You can't take anything she's saying or doing seriously. You might still have a chance. Just be strong, ignore her.
