...I want to see him once a week or so. Not every day.I don't even want to talk to him every day. And he is a very, very nice, enjoyable person. I disagree that a woman wants to be with a man all the time if she likes/loves him. Not a woman in her 40's or 50's who has had very, very little time to herself outside of being a wife, a mom and a professional. So, maybe your W just needs some space to get herself back--and to get some hobbies and spend time with her friends.
I was dreading talking to my new guy yesterday because I was going to have to tell him I don't want to see him again until this weekend. Instead, I want to have dinner with a friend tomorrow (my kid-free night) and don't want to feel bad or guilty that he's waiting around for me. Anyway, I was starting to feel dragged down with the "responsibility" of being someone's partner and was thinking that this just isn't going to work for me right now. To my pleasant surprise, when I called him this morning he was very upbeat and friendly and told me about the plans he had for the next several days and asked me what my plans were and we found a time when we could both see eachother. So, now I'm really looking forward to seeing him again. I don't feel like he's waiting around for me to call the shots or to fill in his empty spaces.
Maybe that could be a different perspective on your W. DON'T wait around for her but if you've both got some time and want to do something, be open to it...
"he is a very, very nice, enjoyable person."
I'll just come out and say it, he is a "nice guy", and although he is very nice and "enjoyable", you don't have that strong gut level attraction feeling towards him and that's why you don't feel like seeing him or talking to him everyday. Attraction, strong attraction is an emotional response, it isn't a logical response (ex. he is a nice man, good job, takes care of himself, well mannered, etc. so I should be attracted to him and be with him)
If you were really attracted to this "nice man", you wouldn't dread seeing him or talking to him.
This is an example of a woman who likes a guy but doesn't really "like like" him.
It's unworkable. She needs to fix her. You are right. She doesn't FEEL it for me.
The only time she does is when she's trying to pursue me, making me out as her great savior. I don't want her to FEEL it for me that way. She has never in her life been able to FEEL it for a man unless he was her current obsession. I don't want to worry that my woman's feelings for me are so fragile as to disintegrate when I show some interest in her, like asking her to do things with me, or saying yes when she asks me. That's no way to live.
I agree with you I need to step way back while she does whatever she's doing, and continue living my life and maybe even go back to dating other women. Maybe I'll find one that doesn't drive me crazy!
This is reality and yet so many people choose to fight reality.
She is happiest when she is pursuing a man.
Yet you don't want to let her chase you, she enjoys those feelings, she derives a lot of personal satisfaction from having those feelings, she is emotionally driven, she's an emotional being, she lives for those feelings, they make her feel good but you don't like the fact that she has to feel that way about you?!
Do you want a man for a companion or a woman?
She's a woman.
She wants a man.
Be that man or let someone else be that man for her.
And guess what, you start dating again and remove yourself from the "easy to catch list" and guess what, she's going to start having those feelings again for you, I pretty much guarantee it.
This all makes perfect sense. Your wife sounds like and an attractive, intelligent, charismatic woman. I can understand to some extent why you are head over heels in love with her.
But you are only one aspect of her life. You can't expect to fill her every need and void. One cannot define their self by a relationship.
Does she "know herself." Is she trying to?
EXCELLENT. Her interactions with you can teach alot of people on this site a great deal of what they need to understand for themselves. Do you see how she is just not casting into the same spot? But searching for something. Something other than another person to define herself as?
I suggested to SOTO that he go for a hike. EXPLORE. He didn't understand the need to look at yourself and how you relate to the world around you from another perspective. Your writings about your wife suggests she does.
Although she is confusing you it is very clear what she is doing.
one fish two fish red fish blue fish black fish blue fish old fish new fish some are red and some are blue. some are old and some are new. some are sad and some are glad. And some are very, very bad. Why are they sad and glad and bad? I dont know. Go ask your dad. Some are thin and some are fat. The fat one has a yellow hat. From there to here, from here to there, funny things everywhere. Here are some who like to run. They run for fun in the hot, hot sun Oh me! Oh my! Oh me! Oh my! what alot of funny things go by. Some have two feet and some have four. Some have six feet and some have more. Where do they come from? I cant say. But i bet they have come a long, long way. We see them come. We see them go. Some are fast. And some are slow. Some are high. And some are low Not one of them is like another. Don't as us why. Go ask your mother.
one fish two fish red fish blue fish black fish blue fish old fish new fish some are red and some are blue. some are old and some are new. some are sad and some are glad. And some are very, very bad. Why are they sad and glad and bad? I dont know. Go ask your dad. Some are thin and some are fat. The fat one has a yellow hat. From there to here, from here to there, funny things everywhere. Here are some who like to run. They run for fun in the hot, hot sun Oh me! Oh my! Oh me! Oh my! what alot of funny things go by. Some have two feet and some have four. Some have six feet and some have more. Where do they come from? I cant say. But i bet they have come a long, long way. We see them come. We see them go. Some are fast. And some are slow. Some are high. And some are low Not one of them is like another. Don't as us why. Go ask your mother.
McQueen is on a fish phase.
Didn't you share some tough news about your wife? How is she doing?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
one fish two fish red fish blue fish black fish blue fish old fish new fish some are red and some are blue. some are old and some are new. some are sad and some are glad. And some are very, very bad. Why are they sad and glad and bad? I dont know. Go ask your dad. Some are thin and some are fat. The fat one has a yellow hat. From there to here, from here to there, funny things everywhere. Here are some who like to run. They run for fun in the hot, hot sun Oh me! Oh my! Oh me! Oh my! what alot of funny things go by. Some have two feet and some have four. Some have six feet and some have more. Where do they come from? I cant say. But i bet they have come a long, long way. We see them come. We see them go. Some are fast. And some are slow. Some are high. And some are low Not one of them is like another. Don't as us why. Go ask your mother.
...I want to see him once a week or so. Not every day.I don't even want to talk to him every day. And he is a very, very nice, enjoyable person. I disagree that a woman wants to be with a man all the time if she likes/loves him. Not a woman in her 40's or 50's who has had very, very little time to herself outside of being a wife, a mom and a professional. So, maybe your W just needs some space to get herself back--and to get some hobbies and spend time with her friends.
I was dreading talking to my new guy yesterday because I was going to have to tell him I don't want to see him again until this weekend. Instead, I want to have dinner with a friend tomorrow (my kid-free night) and don't want to feel bad or guilty that he's waiting around for me. Anyway, I was starting to feel dragged down with the "responsibility" of being someone's partner and was thinking that this just isn't going to work for me right now. To my pleasant surprise, when I called him this morning he was very upbeat and friendly and told me about the plans he had for the next several days and asked me what my plans were and we found a time when we could both see eachother. So, now I'm really looking forward to seeing him again. I don't feel like he's waiting around for me to call the shots or to fill in his empty spaces.
Maybe that could be a different perspective on your W. DON'T wait around for her but if you've both got some time and want to do something, be open to it...
"he is a very, very nice, enjoyable person."
I'll just come out and say it, he is a "nice guy", and although he is very nice and "enjoyable", you don't have that strong gut level attraction feeling towards him and that's why you don't feel like seeing him or talking to him everyday. Attraction, strong attraction is an emotional response, it isn't a logical response (ex. he is a nice man, good job, takes care of himself, well mannered, etc. so I should be attracted to him and be with him)
If you were really attracted to this "nice man", you wouldn't dread seeing him or talking to him.
This is an example of a woman who likes a guy but doesn't really "like like" him.
Friend category.
She can friend category you because she went outside and played around and got hooked up. She might have fallen for someones "all that glitters is not gold" and got hooked on it. Alot of times it may not be you or whats missing, but that it is someone else.
