"We need to talk.... I tried very hard to be this better man for you but no matter how hard I tried and no matter what changes I made I just didn't feel good enough for you and I don't like that feeling of not being good enough. I know now that along with my efforts that dinners, gifts, fancy romantic trips just aren't going to work and I'm ok with that now. I've decided that I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me. While I've been working on me hoping you would accept me I never asked you to change or to improve because I just accepted you as you are but it doesn't appear that you can accept me for who I am and It's not good for me as a person to let someone else make me feel bad about myself. So...I think it's best for us to actually be separate during our separation and we should probably stop the sunday dinner thing as well, it's time for reality to set in with our situation, we'll talk to the kids, they will understand as they've been getting used to this separation, I know I have. As for you suggesting dating other people, I think that's a great idea, I've been thinking about it for some time now and you should probably do the same. I'm sure you'll find a nice guy who will treat you good and I know I'll find a good woman to treat me great as well. Hopefully after all of the dust settles on all of this we can be friends."
I will be polite and calm, but not mean or spiteful.
Agree with Robx and Coach ^ -- this is ABSOLUTELY what she is doing, and they took the words right outta my mouth!
Puppy
Pinheads UNITE!
do the secret handshake, then sing the club song. HAROMPFF! HAROMPFF! HAROMPFF!
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
WAW is coming over later today as usual on Sunday to bring groceries for kids and I and make dinner. I plan on having "the talk" with her today.
I have my script almost prepared and will do my best to stick to it. I am going to tell her that things seemed to be getting better before we went away, but now I realize not truly better. We were not building a better relationship built on mutual respect and admiration - she was just being nicer to me and that made me feel good.
But...whenever she isn't doing so, I feel bad about myself. While I am quite confident in other areas of my life, I lose my confidence around her. I feel like I am always trying to please her, and that is no way for me to live. So, I need us to be separate during our separation - no more dating, dinners, touching. I want to remain friends and if possible, still be able to do things with our kids at some point, but right now I need to let her go completely, I need space and I need to focus on my life without her.
I will admit that I still care for her, but since I will never be the man she wants me to be, we will never be truly happy together, so really being separate is the best solution.
I will do my best to say all of this in a polite, caring friendly manner and not be bitter or angry. Just accepting of the reality that became so clear to me during our trip to Mexico last week.
I am finally willing to let go.
I am a little nervous and want to make sure I say things the right way at the right time. Cross your fingers for me.
I have my script almost prepared and will do my best to stick to it. I am going to tell her that things seemed to be getting better before we went away, but now I realize not truly better. We were not building a better relationship built on mutual respect and admiration - she was just being nicer to me and that made me feel good.
But...whenever she isn't doing so, I feel bad about myself. While I am quite confident in other areas of my life, I lose my confidence around her. I feel like I am always trying to please her, and that is no way for me to live. So, I need ushave decided to be separate during our separation - no more dating, dinners, touching. I want to remain friends civil and if possible, still be able to do things with our kids at some point, but right now I need tofeel it's best to let her go completely, I need space and I need to focus on my life without her. make some decisions.
I will admit that I still care for her, but since I will never be the man she wants me to be, we will never be truly happy together, so really being separate is the best solution.
BTM,
Consider dropping the parts I've struck thru above. They sound needy. You want to convey a "I've been thinking, and I've decided that -- " mentality, not a "it hurts too much to be around you" one.
But...much ado about nothing. For the moment anyway.
WAW did come over yesterday, but was in great pain due to a severe arthritis flare. I just didn't think it was a good day for an R talk of any kind, unless she brought it up. When she's in so much pain she can barely walk, she is understandably not in a great mood to begin with.
Besides, I have been thinking that if I said something right after the vacation, she just might see it as a knee jerk reaction, not something I have really thought about. So, I am going to start with consistent DB actions and then when she comments, or soon regardless, I will let know what I have decided.
Since recently, WAW and I were behaving like a dating couple, it's time for me to stop all that. I will remain friendly, upbeat and positive, but would I date another woman if she wanted me to be a different person and said there was no future? Nope.
So..back to consistent dbing action and then have "the talk" when it comes up.
Like a kick right to the stomach. WAW and I spoke briefly and she clearly stated she is never coming home. For some reason, the vacation made her 100% sure there was no hope. At least she's being honest.
After 5 years (off and on) of dbing, I still refuse to give up. I still want my marriage and family together and will continue to fight until I feel differently or die.
Still no lawyers involved, still no separation or divorce papers. I've heard "I'm done" etc before and we are still not divorced today. I certainly have a much bigger hill to climb than I thought I did a couple weeks ago, but as long as there is a 1% chance, I refuse to give up.
Time for something different. I have no idea what to do next, but quitting isn't it.
