when talking to mutual friend(MF) last night, we talked about the friends W has been hanging with. They are totally not anything like W. They are hardcore partiers and friend said that when W's friend drinks she gets in fights with her.
Again I started feel sorry for W, but when talking to our MF she told me not to feel sorry for W b/c she has the ability to say something to me if she wants to.
MF told me that she has seen the many changes I have made and to keep moving forward. W has mentioned to MF that the changes wouldn't last. It's been over 8 months now and they are in effect.
MF brought up a view point to me that makes sense. She said W will continue to say that the changes won't last to justify her decision. She doesn't want to admit she made a mistake. Maybe this is why I feel sorry for her. She has a negative aura around her that I want no part of.
Any thought or comments welcome. thanks, gr8
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
She said W will continue to say that the changes won't last to justify her decision. She doesn't want to admit she made a mistake. Maybe this is why I feel sorry for her. She has a negative aura around her that I want no part of.
Hey gr8,
I couldn't agree more with this. It always amazes me how my XW can and does remember and focus on the negative of our M and can quote chapter and verse of how she felt and where she was when recounting the bad times and you would think that's all there was.
It is nice not being around this and when her mother was here helping her move, her mother told my daughter nothing but the two negative stories about me from the first years of our M over 20 years ago! I guess I know where XW gets it.
I also believe in the justification aspect. XW doesn't want to think that she did anything wrong so I am always the bad guy and this will probably last for quite some time. Not until and if XW starts looking at herself will any real change come along and there is nothing I can do about that so I am just focusing on me and my future without her. Trying to keep those positive changes going and being the best Dad I can for my kids.
Best of luck to you gr8!
Me48 WAW46 M24 yrs S24 D21 D19 EA disc 6/09 2nd EA Fall 09 I move out 11/12/09 W and I switch 1/14/10 D Filed 3/17/10 W moves in with OM 6/8/10 D Final 6/21/10
I totally agree with Ken AND with you, Gr8--you said that
Quote:
told them I honestly don't know at this point. I have seen absolutely no changes in her. She still does not communicate well and I have been looking at her actions.
I really think W will regret her decision sometime soon and I feel sorry for her. I don't think she has the courage or strength to approach me and admit she made a mistake.
The way your W is being right now, you don't want her. SO proceed as usual. Hey, if something HUGE happens, and she changes, then who knows, right? But since you don't have a crystal ball, it's good to go ahead with your plan.
I do want to say that it IS possible she could change because YOU did, right? BUt, seriously, she would need to change for you to want to work things out, correct?
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
now that I have completely removed myself the toxic R and have learn the proper ways of a healthy R, I am so much happier.
Quote:
do want to say that it IS possible she could change because YOU did, right? BUt, seriously, she would need to change for you to want to work things out, correct?
NM, she would have to make changes for me to even consider working on things. I think she would have to acknowledge my changes, apologize, and give me a heart spoken message with sincerity. I think I have a better chance of hitting the lottery.......two days straight!
Well anyway, I will continue to enjoy my time with the kids and GAL when I don't have them.
Also learned never to say never. It may take W 2-3 years to figure IT out. All I know is I'll be happy b/c it comes from within.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Checking in. I'm glad you enjoyed the steamed crabs and enjoyed Fells Point. I was there (FP) earlier on Saturday morning. It's a fun place to visit.
I read your last few posts. I think it's good that you are GAL. Your W seems to be keeping tabs on you as indicated by your mutual friend. It's interesting that your W gets into arguments with her friend when they go out. Perhaps your W is finding that she doesn't enjoy that new lifestyle as much as she thought. It's also sad to me that your W's friend acts like it's a competition for guys when they go out. That's a pretty shallow way to live if you ask me.
I always find it interesting when mutual friends "ask" you questions about what it would take to get back together. I think there's a good chance they ask those questions because those same questions get discussed with the WAS. I think it's a way for them to find out what you're thinking.
Keep doing what you're doing. Your W said she doesn't think your changes will last. Making the changes for you means the changes will last. Perhpas one day your W will see that what she wants from a man in her life is now right in front of her...you with your new self.
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
Keep doing what you're doing. Your W said she doesn't think your changes will last. Making the changes for you means the changes will last. Perhpas one day your W will see that what she wants from a man in her life is now right in front of her...you with your new self.
Totally agree about the changes. Still working on me and feel pretty good. I am honestly in a much better place now than I was 6 months ago. I am more positive and it shows in my daily life.
Another point mutual friend told me the other day:
When MF asked how things are going with me W responds:
"GR8 doesn't even talk to me any more."
MF " Well isn't that what you wanted?"
W didn't really respond.
I think reality is setting in on W. I don't think she's any happier now than she was a year ago.
Well more reality is about to come once I email her with the finances about the house.
more to come next week.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Totally agree about the changes. Still working on me and feel pretty good. I am honestly in a much better place now than I was 6 months ago. I am more positive and it shows in my daily life.
Excellent! I think the only sane response in an insane sitch like this is walk away, walk forward & continue to work on yourself. WAS does everything in their power to make you miserable, it's up to you to make yourself happy.
Originally Posted By: gr8 day 2B alive
Another point mutual friend told me the other day:
When MF asked how things are going with me W responds:
"GR8 doesn't even talk to me any more."
MF " Well isn't that what you wanted?"
W didn't really respond.
I think reality is setting in on W. I don't think she's any happier now than she was a year ago.
Love that one! WAS: it's your fault I'm unhappy. BS: here's all the space in the universe. WAS: I got what I wanted, am still unhappy, and even though you aren't around anymore, it's still your fault!!!
Originally Posted By: gr8 day 2B alive
Well more reality is about to come once I email her with the finances about the house.
more to come next week.
Good luck gr8. How was the game the other night? Still seemed way, way, way too hot to be outside.
M & H: 40 M: 5.5 T: 7.5 OW: 7/09 Bomb: 9/09 Sep: 3/10 H files 7/10
Believe it or not the weather was nice for the game. I was five rows from the top so there was a breeze.
How about last nights game! What a come back.
What are some cool bars/restaurants down there?
Always looking for new places.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Those seats at the top of the park can get a little chilly. Which can be great, especially after this week!
Didn't see too much of last night's game, working. Plus ... I don't like baseball. We keep it on cause it's a bar, not cause we like it.
Down there, bars, hrm. Benny the Bums is right there where everybody tailgates. I've never been in there, so I have no idea what it's like. Chickie & Pete's (15th & Packer) - never been there either, but that seems to be the spot. I'm more of a fan of the 'off the track' places. There's a spot @ 13th & Dickinson that I like. Low key, divey, cheap, bartenders are all pretty nice. The stretch along Passy from Tasker south to Synder is full of bars & restaurants. Some are better than others, but it depends what kind of atmosphere you're looking for.
M & H: 40 M: 5.5 T: 7.5 OW: 7/09 Bomb: 9/09 Sep: 3/10 H files 7/10
Emailed W yesterday stating I had the House appraised and have a realtor coming over this week to give an assessment for what he thinks the house should be list for.
I added see was welcome to do the same thing but not to use a certain appraisal comppany b/c her mom works there.
No response yet.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
