Setting them free

[Serenity13]

In favor here as well

[DumpedforMIL]

easy .. easy...

sometimes the WAS aren't the only ones in a fog.
us LBS can be too.

just need a strong gust of wind or something to wake us up.

i think you also have to understand that it takes a long time to wake up and walk away.

[DanF]

Aye!

[Generosity]

"Any thoughts? Anybody looking for help in setting them free?
The faster you do, the faster things progress. Not only for YOU but maybe even for the whole relationship..."

Maybe this should have come with a "For newcomers only" tag.

Sunny

[TimeHeals]

Hey Puppy, I kinda like the way TimeHeals thinks. I nominate him to be a member of the secret society of DB Pinheads

.


This must be a lot like the "Better-late-than-never/Master-of-the-obvious" Award I hear I have also been nominated for.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

: )

I see this as your sandbox.

Gucci, you and I have never had a problem as far as I can remember, I could be wrong, I am growing older. : ) A dissagreement? A verbal bashing? Doesn't even ring a bell.

I disgree with the way you approach some issues. The cut and dry of it, this OR that.

MLC? is OVER-APPLIED.

Strange to hear me say that since I consider MLC my sandbox?

It is true...MLC is the last 'hope' Area.

It is also not for me or anyone there to kill someones hope. The death of hope is a personal thing, like putting down your own dog.

Hope is hope, always will be. False hope? cynical for something that is unlikly to happen maybe even impossible, but you 'hope' for the long odds.

We also advocate and advise to grow as a person and to lose the codependancy that is so common with the new posters. Do we coddle? Yeah a little bit.

Do we do things differently? Hell yeah.

Do we dismiss New Comers like some of you have dismmissed MLC? No. We do things differntly and some of those things do not mesh we or at least I do say that alot.

Does MLC exist?

It seemed to fit my wife. So I believe in it. But to just dismiss it? Hell the numbers are rough but I'll stand by them roughly half the mental health professionals aren't sure if it is real.

I also absolutely totally agree with your set them free take on it.

We actually say MANY of the same things at the most core level.
Our tactics are different, and all of us want to help people through some of the crappiest times of their lives.


For something totally off the subject.

Where or why did you pick Gucci Loafer as your name? I have always wondered that.

[Swiss Miss]

I really like this thread. This board is great and full of tons of information but I found it difficult to read through so many sitches and glean the important parts when I first found this site. I'd love to see more single-topic threads like this. Like how long until your WAS came around, examples of how people managed to drop the rope, etc. The infidelity forum seems to have a more of those types because of the exposure issue.

I have found that setting my WH free has been the most helpful in my situation. I would have done it from the start if we didn't have a son together, facing the destruction our son's family was almost inconceivable to me at the beginning. Since I've let go of the anger and stopped caring what he does and with whom, I get a lot of reconnecting attempts from WH, which I ignore for the most part because I think he just wants to make sure he's still got me wanting him back. Of course I don't much want him back anymore, which helps. I have now almost perfected softening up a smidgen along with moving on and dropping the rope. I guess they go hand in hand but it's hard to get the balance right.

I've gotten a lot of advice from Allen A on the infidelity board, and he recommends no softening up and to ignore reconnecting attempts while your spouse is still in an A. I did that for a while, but my WH is not crazy in love with OW, seems to be more friends with benefits, and she's still living with her H and as far as I can tell my WH is having some sort of second thoughts. There is no way I'll go running back but I'd love to hear what any other veterans think about how I should respond to WH's overtures, and hopefully other posters might find this helpful. He also thinks I'm too strong and independent, so cutting him off as Allen A recommended totally reinforced that for him, and I think is almost the opposite of dropping the rope because you're trying to control them by not dealing with them while in an A. He puts a ton of thought and effort into his posts which I appreciate a great deal but I know there are other opinions too.

[TimeHeals]

He also thinks I'm too strong and independent

Not buying this part at all, so that throws the rest of your post into question.

Emotionally strong is a problem? As opposed to... a basket case?

Independent is a problem? As opposed to... somebody who freaks out if you go to the store alone for 5 minutes?

Not buying it.

You sure this isn't code for something that rhymes with witch?
(for men, it sounds like El Passo)

It is neither strong nor independent to be rigidly inflexible, intollerant, overly critical, and so on.

I hear people say that all the time: He/she is strong and independent, and what it really mean is that they are uncompromising, highly structured, and intollerant.

Aside from that, why would you listed to somebody who is cheating on you? It's one thing before there's cheating going on, but after the cheating starts it's all poop that can't even be used to fertilize your lawn.

[newmama]

Gucci, my stbxh told me he has uncertainty about filing for D and will alwasys have doubts that this is the right decision (he is living with OW though). I want to "set him free" and "set me free" by doing so but DAMN IT am feeling stuck since he told me that. It gives me hope and I really can't have hope if I want to detach (that is me, I think). Any advice on how I can let go knowing this?

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!

[TimeHeals]

he has uncertainty about filing for D and will alwasys have doubts that this is the right decision (he is living with OW though).

Great, when is he kicking the bimbo out and living alone like a big boy with grown up morals?

Seriously, either you are a backup plan (and always will be when somebody else comes along), or he has some serious character issues.

Which is most attractive to you right now?