I really don't believe for one minute that he left you because or for his mother. Your mind seems to be made up on that issue. So is mine.
then what did he leave me for? i am looking at the surface. i haven't looked deeper because it could be so many things. but i look back at things that have happened over the years, and it all goes back to his parents. he valued them more than me.
why does this happen? can it be overcome? fighting over material things has overshadowed his reason for d-ing
Believe it or not... Do you know that many of us men actually just like to be contrary? Hard to believe huh?
The woman says "the sky is blue today".... He says.."Oh, I don't think it is so blue today" She says while in a store together..." I really like the color of that dress on that rack" He says, "I don't. We can't afford it"
and so on goes the intereaction.. argumentative, angry, emotionally distant, negative, unhappy acting...
So.... I am sure there are men reading this who are nodding their heads in agreement with me saying that "yes, I HAVE done those things and I can't believe I did."
Fight him on what is important to you. Don't let him bully you or make you fear a fight when it comes to dividing things up in divorce. Leave it to your attorney and tell your H that it is in your lawyers hands and noting you can do about it now...
Believe it or not... Do you know that many of us men actually just like to be contrary? Hard to believe huh?
Very, very true! I use to watch my grandfather amuse himself by pushing grandma's buttons. The more contrary he became...the more frustrated she'd be. He loved it! Passed a lot of boring times for him. Everyone could see what he was doing, but grandma would take the bait everytime.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
It’s true I was depressed prior to him leaving but had begun to feel better just before he left. Needy– my H words not mine, to quote ‘I need someone who needs me’, the OW is a friend of mine I know her well and independent minded she’s not. I’ve filed and have had other men hanging around. The more I move forward the angrier he becomes. That’s what I find so confusing.
He’s only told one of the kids that he loves her not me so I can’t suddenly tell him that I get that he loves her. He hardly speaks to me so it wouldn’t come up.
And yes you’re right sometimes he does make my skin crawl.
My question was theoretical as much as based on my experience but thanks for taking the time to answer on a personal level.
Believe it or not... Do you know that many of us men actually just like to be contrary? Hard to believe huh?
that's just immature. when a guy acts that way, you just want to say "grow up". but i get it.
Quote:
Fight him on what is important to you. Don't let him bully you or make you fear a fight when it comes to dividing things up in divorce. Leave it to your attorney and tell your H that it is in your lawyers hands and noting you can do about it now...
material things aren't important to me. the twisting of the law by h is what really bothered me. i hired a good lawyer who demanded only honesty from me. i have been honest. i have not been vindictive, conniving, or greedy. i am being me. if i walk away from this m, i can walk away with my head held high and no regrets on my actions. this is what is important to me. but i will fight for what is mine. nothing more.
i read your interpretation on being independent and strong. i think you make a good point. at times, i think i was too independent when maybe i didn't have to be. i did things for him without him asking me to. i was strong at times but i also had my jessica simpson moments. i observed a lot - what made him smile, what made him proud of me, and what didn't. where i failed to observe properly - in the bedroom. he was afraid to ask for what he wanted. and i took that as 'all is good'. he probably wishes my jessica simpson moments occurred in the bedroom. i wasn't exactly 'sexual napalm'. :P
"Any thoughts? Anybody looking for help in setting them free? The faster you do, the faster things progress. Not only for YOU but maybe even for the whole relationship..."
I could use some help. I just started no contact a couple of weeks ago, using 3rd party for child exchange, after finding out that my H has been living with OW.
We don't have another court date (status hearing) until next December, because the judge tired of us not showing up for prior hearings (he didn't want to appear.)
I think it's time to go onto giving him complete freedom. I was thinking I would send him an e-mail letting him know that I was moving this forward & my attorney would be handling things from here.
I was thinking I would send him an e-mail letting him know that I was moving this forward & my attorney would be handling things from here.
You are moving forward and setting him free, but you feel the need to send him an email telling him this?
You see the contradiction there?
AGREE.
The "speech" needs to come in naturally in context.
Hey Puppy, I kinda like the way TimeHeals thinks. I nominate him to be a member of the secret society of DB Pinheads.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
