Okay, since what I discovered is a deal breaker, I'm having my L take over & getting the best deal I can. He had wanted to take care of it with us doing our own MSA & just having the L's look it over.
He is still out of town on his second trip to Mexico in the last couple of weeks.
When he returns in two days, I plan on telling him to pick up his belongings. I have already requested this, but he tells me he doesn't intend, nor has to do that until we are legally D'd. I will find out from my L if that is the case.
Here is where I messed up. Every time I got serious, he would reel me back in, and I let him. Rinse/Repeat.
As much as I can read the posts here & know the course to take, apparently I can suck @ my own. It would have been much different had I known all the facts.
Here I go, adjusting BGP's so they're nice & cozy.
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Moved first born out of the house, after what seemed to be a dangerous, downhill slide, and into my mother's house, where he has a bedroom suite to himself. Lot's of tough love built into the arrangement, which he seems to be responding to;
-Begins new/old job (he was rehired) today @ 5pm -Graduates 6/26 & begins college classes 7/8
Getting to this point has had plenty of Jerry S. moments & I'm sure we were the subject of convo around the 'hood' for a while.
After reading a post regarding Penny Tuby, I've gone full no contact w/H since finding out OW is living w/him. S7 is now picked up & dropped off @ my mother's house.
I get daily vm & e-mail wanting a connection, & respond when I must. He invites himself to my family engagements & I have to let him know an invitation was not given.
He threw a bit of a tantrum yesterday when he p/u S for Father's Day. Said the arrangement wasn't working, b/c there weren't swimming trunks packed, he had better start coming back to the house to make the exchange.
That's not going to happen. I see how I gave him his fix with me, & then off he would go to OW.
I do wish I had investigated more, I would have had knowledge (is power) along time ago.
Feeling very strong & capable these days....with a little ding yesterday missing my father.
Still amazes me how H still tries to run the show from a far.
Take Care,
Sunny
*FIB-Noticed I forgot Lather...have learned to spit, however
Ha. Yes. Common piece of poor advice here: "don't go looking for cheese in cheeseless tunnels". Unfortunately, the majority of people starting on this forum are rife with gorgonzola.
Knowledge is power. As Dr. Phil said, "you own your marriage". Better know what's going on.
Stay strong.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Since h no longer comes & goes to my house for S7, has no contact with me, etc., he has progressively increased pressure to get back to status quo.
He called my mother's house to talk to S18 once again about coming to his graduation on Sat. For the 1st time, she shared a few truth darts w/him;
-Under the circumstances, we are not comfortable with you attending with us. -What you are doing is by no means setting a good example for my grandsons. -Your concern about the small things seems to take importance over the large/major life deciding issues.
This was in response to being told that, "It doesn't have to be this way. Your daughter is just making things difficult."
Must be getting uncomfortable for him. Now I'm getting e-mail about soccer registration @ close to midnight, when he could be cozy in bed.
@FIB-"Better know what's going on."
I'm still laughing @ myself, asking H if she was living there 4 months ago, and believing him when he said no.
After all the activity in the last couple of weeks, with my oldest son graduating from high school, having a graduation party here last weekend, etc., I now have time to get back to my marriage & my next step.
Since finding out my H has been living with OW, I have had no contact in person. We exchanged a couple of e-mails, one of him expressing his displeasure @ not attending S's grad w/us. There was one today, wanting S7 overnight Weds. since he won't have him this year for the 4th.
I believe he wants to "normalize" our situation so it's more comfortable for him, & get it back to me being available & friendly again.
My youngest son came home from the weekend, telling me, "Daddy says he's never moving back, because you got in word fights. I don't think he's coming back, because he likes OW more than you, not to hurt your feelings."
I don't know why they have those conversations, so I tell him something along the lines; that adults sometimes make choices we may not understand. We are responsible for making the best choices we can & making ourselves happy.
So, by appearances, H is happy with his choice (that 1% ?). I guess I still have difficulty in being the one that takes the final step...The one who gets to finish what I didn't start. Once I take the next step, it is going to start getting more difficult financially for me, another reason I haven't pushed thru.
I'm having difficulty processing how to proceed. I've gone NC, trying to just keep with the schedule the courts came up with after H took me to court. He sends this e-mail today;
Sunny,
Sorry you can't be a little more flexible in the schedule. I really thought that when the Judge decided to go by the FCS recommendation, that she intended it more as a guideline then something so set in stone. It is after all a temporary order given at the onset of the school year. Don't you think if she had taken the time to contemplate the summer months she would have been a little more likely to let S7 have more overnights with me?
In anycase, will you switch with me this Monday for Tuesday? I may be out of town over the 4th.
Am I being unreasonable in not switching times, etc.? He made the choice to leave, why should I be flexible to make it easier on him?
Sunny, you are angry and want...revenge. You want to make his life difficult just as he made yours. Unless you had plans you shouldnt change, what does it matter? Really, one day in the big sceme of things, what does it matter? Hugs
