W and I then got into it about the 10 years as my W would out it "10 years of my life wasted." W dug deep to bring up things that I have done and said in the past.
I tried to flip it around and remain positive. W can careless that I changed. W said that I damaged her to the point that she will never feel significant to anyone and that she could never trust a person again because of me.
I said . . .
What is it they say in a court of law? STIPULATED.
The question is, what are you going to DO about all of this?
Too many WORDS, OIN. You've talked this to death, and each of you has, multiple times, stated your postion. You're at a standoff, and you need to decide what you want to DO, not what you want to SAY.
At this point, to keep repeating these conversations, is only so much cruelty to each other.
In this closet I had designated as the storage area for all the belongings for my past loved ones. This closet had gone undisturbed since we moved in. I open the door today and there was her dress at the bottom of a pile which included but not limited to bags of shoes, filled clothes baskets and other random items, which crushed the boxes beneath and damages items inside the box. W found this to be no big deal which I found completely disrespectful which lead me to call her "ignorant." It just stemmed from there.
You know what you are right. I have a hard time interpreting what advice is suggested to me. Unfortunately I cannot find the gray area and see things black&white, one way or the other nothing in between. I do my best but I am failing and causing more damage to my marriage and I feel like there is no hope for reconciliation at this point.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
W and I then got into it about the 10 years as my W would out it "10 years of my life wasted." W dug deep to bring up things that I have done and said in the past.
I tried to flip it around and remain positive. W can careless that I changed. W said that I damaged her to the point that she will never feel significant to anyone and that she could never trust a person again because of me.
I said . . .
What is it they say in a court of law? STIPULATED.
The question is, what are you going to DO about all of this?
Too many WORDS, OIN. You've talked this to death, and each of you has, multiple times, stated your postion. You're at a standoff, and you need to decide what you want to DO, not what you want to SAY.
At this point, to keep repeating these conversations, is only so much cruelty to each other.
Puppy
I am not sure I follow your question. MY position "Save the marriage and work it out" W position "Wants out the marriage it cannot be worked out"
I have done so much for the benefit of our marriage and W can careless. I cannot control the way she feels only how I react. I just don't know how to react. I ignore her words and continue to work on our marriage it has got us nowhere. I take a stance and say I want to pursue happiness with or without her and it just pushes her away further but yet her presence still lingers.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
I'm not seeing where you've ever really done that. Re-read what DB/DR says about "Dropping the rope." This dynamic now is killing you. I can feel it in your posts.
I'm not seeing where you've ever really done that. Re-read what DB/DR says about "Dropping the rope." This dynamic now is killing you. I can feel it in your posts.
Puppy
What section?
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
That is exactly why you need to get out and be around people. It will do you good to watch and interact with people who behave in a more healthy manner. And you need some space from living with your W and being with her so much.
I did misread your post and thought you had said your W put items on top of HER things.
You act on emotion and that will never get you anywhere. Think about it, that is exactly what was fueling your W's affair. Now you are doing the same thing.
You don't follow the advice here and IMO it has been made perfectly clear. Make the time to finish the books you have and read them again. What you think is "working" is really just keeping things status quo and the progress you think you see is simply not there.
When you post these exchanges you sound mean and your W sounds like a spoiled brat. You sound like two people that absolutely thrive on pushing each others buttons.
Honestly at this point I would tell your W that you have some big decisions to make about your future, you are not ready to discuss anything and then GET SOME SPACE. Stop answering all her texts and calls. If you want to offer her courtesy simply leave a note on the table "went out for the evening" and leave it at that.
What is it that you all would consider 'success'? What would need to happen or be said for it to be successful or progress?
Up till the 25th of the month when I looked back at my sitch where it was when it all started and how far I have come I would say I made progress. Our interactions were better. W actually wanted to be around me/do things with me where as before she wanted nothing to do with me.
Yes, at this point W still did not commit to working on our marriage and she had poor communication at times. However W had decided to stay in our home, not something she expressed verbally but through her actions.
It is said in the DR book that it will take a lot of patients and for every year things were bad in a R it would equate to 1 month of DB. We are on month 6 of our sitch, 5 months DB, 4 months of steady DB. In this time there were two instances where I had to bust an EA with same OM, so that it self is a major set back. So in total we're talking 2 1/2 months of DB without the interference of OM. Through all this I have made strides with W.
In the past 2 weeks, I had tried a new approach,maybe I did not apply the theory of this approach the best I could but I gave it a try anyway. Calling W out when she used sounds to communicate with me rather than words (W took it as me being controlling and governing her words).
I guess what I want to know is, what is your measurement for success and why do you think it could be obtained in such a short period of time?
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
