After getting up this morning and eating breakfast ect...W gets up and we're both in bed W see a commercial and says "add that to my birthday list" I am thinking to myself WTH?
So I start chatting with a friend of facebook and he said he was going to drop off some supplements to me, I start to get dressed so I look presentable when he comes over. W then asked "you getting ready?" I replied "Yes" W said "Where you going?" I said "I am not sure yet" W then asked "Who you going with?" I said "No one" W then replied "So your getting dressed to go somewhere but you don't know where..you know what I am not going to get into it"
I was just about to explain myself and then W said "It does not matter" and then I thought to myself "your right it does not matter"
W then went into the shower...when she came out she asked "did you get what you had to get?" and I answered "No"
Yes, I want to be mysterious and raise her interest but I don't want to be secretive and raise her suspicion.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
You can't control how your W reacts. You can control how YOU react to it.
Basically it sounds like your W wants you around to treat you like garbage. When you decide you won't sit around the house and be treated like a second class citizen she doesn't seem to like that either.
Let her be suspicious. If you aren't doing anything wrong then you have nothing to worry about. Meeting up with friends is not wrong.
W had piled stuff in a closet on top of personal belonging and her wedding dress and I brought this to her attention. W could careless and so I called her words ignorant.
W and I then got into it about the 10 years as my W would out it "10 years of my life wasted." W dug deep to bring up things that I have done and said in the past.
I tried to flip it around and remain positive. W can careless that I changed. W said that I damaged her to the point that she will never feel significant to anyone and that she could never trust a person again because of me.
I said to W "for months I have put fort the effort to show and express the importance of this marriage. I have been loving and caring no matter how unwilling you were or unwanted I felt. You have made it very clear that you do not want this marriage to work and you don't love me anymore."
W and I continued conversation. We both reflected on the past and provided two very different perspectives.
Eventually W got to the point where she said "I feel like I wasted my life on you. I had plans for a future, I wanted to get married and have children at a young age. I cannot see myself ever being happy because of you."
I said "Like you I want happiness and had the same plan of marrying and having children."
W said "Just because we had the same plan in life does not mean we should be together" I replied "I did not suggest that, I am speaking in general"
I then said "You don't want to be here or with me anymore. You are unhappy and cannot wait to leave, what is holding you back?"
W said "what do you mean" and I replied "You want out of this home why are you not doing it?" W said "This is my house just as much as yours, I have nowhere else to go right now" I replied "you have plenty of places to go, I will help you pack"
W said "you will not touch my stuff and this is my house too, I am on the mortgage and if you want to start this stuff I will make it hell for you."
I told W "That she could remove her name from the mortgage" W said "You cannot do that only I can and I will not do it and just force your family out on the street cause you cannot afford this on your own" I said to W "I will take you to court and sue you for the incentive fund" W said "you want to start that I will never let you see MY dog ever again"
W then went on to say "I am done with you, this marriage get out my face and she closed the door"
SO that did not go well. I have had better interactions with my pasts efforts rather than taking a hard stance as it were suggested.
I don;t see this marriage working after this most resent exchange but had hope with my past approach. I give up to sum it up.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
A hard stance was suggested. What you described was not you taking a hard stance at all.
The first part of your post says it all. You went right back to the father/daughter dynamic. Why does it matter if your wife chose to pile stuff on HER personal belongings and HER wedding dress? They are not your items and correcting her doesn't set the dynamic of husband and wife.
Nobody suggested a "hard stance" included a R talk that spans 10 years.
Nobody suggested you tell her you would remove her name from the mortgage.
Nobody suggested you keep going back and forth with her. You could have walked away and told her when she was calm, in control and ready to be civil you would consider having another conversation.
There was no validation in this conversation at all. It was nit picking, R talking, empty threats and conflict. That is not a hard stance.
A hard stance was suggested. What you described was not you taking a hard stance at all.
The first part of your post says it all. You went right back to the father/daughter dynamic. Why does it matter if your wife chose to pile stuff on HER personal belongings and HER wedding dress? They are not your items and correcting her doesn't set the dynamic of husband and wife.
Nobody suggested a "hard stance" included a R talk that spans 10 years.
Nobody suggested you tell her you would remove her name from the mortgage.
Nobody suggested you keep going back and forth with her. You could have walked away and told her when she was calm, in control and ready to be civil you would consider having another conversation.
There was no validation in this conversation at all. It was nit picking, R talking, empty threats and conflict. That is not a hard stance.
You went right back to the father/daughter dynamic.
from the very begining of this thread it has sounded very much like a "brother/sister" relationship, love life dead in the water; and her complaints, if she is re-writting marital history, or just plain fed up with you, are hers and are holding any intimacy back, hence you carry on like brother and sister. then the affair...
Do you know what the term amicable means? Do you believe it is possible to live with someone you love or once loved and think of them as a sister? God forbid you call her bluff, OIN.
The first part of your post says it all. You went right back to the father/daughter dynamic. Why does it matter if your wife chose to pile stuff on HER personal belongings and HER wedding dress? They are not your items and correcting her doesn't set the dynamic of husband and wife.
MY personal belonging which she DAMAGED and HER wedding dress.
CG I just reread your post, I miss read it so discard every else that I did post if you already read it.
Last edited by OfficerInNeed; 06/30/1002:28 AM.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
