You can't change anyone's mind, no. But a "truth" is a truth. It is powerful because--it IS the truth. They "diffuse" this truth with their arguments and "noise" in their head.
That is why saying it before leaving them, or using as the last thing you say on the phone, or best for you--the ONLY text she gets during that weekend is going to be so powerful.
You can't argue with a text. She will HAVE to dwell on it. You can FORCE her to do this! (fun, huh!!)
You send her one "message" over and over and over and tell your kids in front of her the "message" and she knows YOU are saying it to THEM and they are LIVING the message??
That a parent that loves them doesn't "give up" and fights for the "wonderful dad?"
Sheesh--I'm trying to come up with my own. It's hard to get "the right words".
My H and I had a C session and he states "he wants out". So I figure, hey, let's have an in-house separation and I go to the spare bedroom.
He doesn't text, but I went to the ATT store and see he gets about 10 texts a month
I need to send him a text--a good one--myself. He'll read it. Then complain that it cost 20 cents. I need a line for that one too....
"It takes just as much energy to end a marriage as it takes to rebuild a marriage. And rebuilding is cheaper."
Then later--Sorry H, but 20 cents seemes a bargain compaired to the thousands you will spend on a divorce.
What do you think?
Meanwhile, I am doing another home project!! Hey, the last one was a lot of fun!!! Now I'm getting rid of pocket doors and putting in French doors--again, I fought it, he wants it--he's getting it!
The truth is no mater what we do, either loving or mean, nothing is really going to change their mind. As DB states we have to focus on ourselves and move forward in life.
I had been thinking about "letting my ex have it" while I am away. Really, it's not going to help the situation and it most certainly is not going to drive her back to work on our marriage. She is gone and is never going to turn back.
I think I am just going to calmly respond to her "that she has chosen to not work on our family and that she wants me to move on. Then just let me move on by no longer contacting me while I have the children". Our separation agreement states that each parent will respect the privacy of the other when they have the kids.
Mostly I am just really sad that I don't get to be with my children everyday. As you can probably tell I miss them more than you can imagine.
Enjoy doing the upgrades to your house. Try to sit your H down and look him in the eye and tell him how important the renovations are to you. Tell him you value him and that you wish he could work with you on the renovations. See what happens.
Last edited by whitneypinch; 06/29/1009:24 PM.
Me/W: 46/36 D7.6/S6 T/M: 7.5/6.5 Bomb 12/05/07 D final: 03/03/09
Hi whitneypinch just to say thank you for your kind support on my thread. I'm sorry, I'm not familiar with your sitch yet, but wanted to say my heart goes out to you - I'm so very sorry you're apart from your kids. I'm sure they love you very much, and think of you as often as you do of them. Take care, PG.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
So a litle about me: My H went to a L yesterday! So my fun continues.
He has responded really well though to my being very, very strong. I think he wanted to see me crack yesterday. Didn't happen.
2 very, very good books I picked up recently from lurking in Infedelity: Love must be Tough by Dr. Dobson (awesome!) and Boundaries in Marriage. Spells out POINT BLANK how I got to this point--no boundaries, no consequences to his actions--this leads to the disrespect.
So how was vacation? and life in general for you??
Yes, got back from a fantastic weekend in Boston for 4th of July. It was incredible. Saw the fireworks, Boston Pops, whale watching, aquarium, great restaurants and lot's of history. Ex contacted my just before we flew back to send her love to our kids. When I got back I sent her photos and videos of us all having a fantastic time. Hee hee rubbing it in.
This past weekend I took my 5 year old son out on his new moto-x motorcycle. He is only 5 !! He rode awesome and was the happiest boy in the world. The next day the kids and I went to the Honda Indy race here in Toronto. Sent photos and videos to ex wife. Hee hee rubbing it in.
Just finished planning a 8 day road trip for the kids and I through NY, VT, NH and ME. Visiting caves, clam bake, Smugglers Notch resort, Ben & Jerry's factory tour, outdoor concerts, etc. Sent itinerary to ex wife. Hee hee rubbing it in.
Took kids to Buffalo last week for an citizenship interview. My Canadian kids are now also Americans !! Dad took care of all the legal application process for over a year.
You picking up the theme here....? Life goes on and I will continue to do fantastic adventures/experiences with my kids.
I think my ex could care less that she is not there. She has said again what a fantastic father I am....wtf? Should that not be worthy of at least talking about our situation??? Apparently not for her.
Last edited by whitneypinch; 07/20/1008:13 PM.
Me/W: 46/36 D7.6/S6 T/M: 7.5/6.5 Bomb 12/05/07 D final: 03/03/09
You need a few good "truth darts" as they call them.
W: Oh, you are such a fantastic father! You: A fantastic father would be in a committed marriage with their mother, but I'm doing the best I can.
W: You are so great with the kids, taking them to all these great places! You: They are probably being spoiled out of my guilt that I can't be with them 24/7. But that's what divorce does....
W: Isn't it great what wonderful parents we are!! You: Wonderful parents stay in a committed marriage since statistics show that children or divorce are more likely to have a lot of problems when they get older.
See what I mean? She is in lala land, and needs "reality".
(btw, I think it's GREAT the things you are doing too--UNDER the CIRCUMSTANCES!!)
Yep I have thought of everyone of those responses The truth is no matter what I say it's not going to change a damn thing. You are right she is in la la land.
It was my birthday last week and my ex's mom sent me an email wishing me a great birthday and how wonderful it was that I was spending it with my kids. She is in la la land as well.
All of them think this is all just awesome and that everyone is doing great. Of course anyone that has read any real research knows that damage occurs to our kids and it starts to show up in their teenage years when they attempt to start to form relationships.
Really, there is nothing we can do to change the situation. We just continue to focus on ourselves and our kids.
Me/W: 46/36 D7.6/S6 T/M: 7.5/6.5 Bomb 12/05/07 D final: 03/03/09
