2 years later it's still not getting easier

[whitneypinch]

And some more that I will write:

"I just simply will no longer go along with this behaviour. The kids and I deserve better!"

[LauraOh]

It is perfect timing--all of it. You can show your kids you tried one way, the way that most would say to do. And it didn't work.

Now you are going into Poppa Bear mode. She IS being disrespectful and you MUST treat her with the disdain she deserves. Her behaviour is UGLY and TERRIBLE to those kids!! Call her out on that!!

I would start to be saying all this now. Prepare her for what is coming.

Then on vacation send her a one-line Zinger-- Something to really a. shock the heck out of her and b. Resonates a "truth" that she won't be able to get out of her head.

She will try to "argue" with that truth--you don't answer it or "argue" back. Just let it sit there and percolate.

I'll try to think of one--or you think of one. One sentence. Really powerful. Think on that for a while....

[whitneypinch]

Awesome !!

I agree I need a "one liner". If you come up with anything let me know. I will think about it as well.

On Wednesday I am taking my kids to an orientation day at their new camp.
My ex will send me a note asking how it went.
I think that is when I will start laying it into her.

When she emails on the weekend I will send this:
" You have made a choice to not be a part of our family and given the choice to work on it you have chosen to do absolutely nothing.
I just simply will no longer go along with this behaviour. The kids and I deserve better!

[LauraOh]

YES!!! Perfect, perfect, perfect.

What is "the truth" about her? You know her best. Something that you know she knows is true. It is something she would argue to the death because she doesn't like it about herself.

Hm....

[whitneypinch]

She is very focused on her image.

[whitneypinch]

I am ready to let her have it !

[LauraOh]

OMgoodness, I got chills.

How has her "lie" destroyed your family? How is she using it to hurt her children?

[whitneypinch]

Really the issue is it's not what she did...it's what she did not do. She just did not want to work on our relationship.
To quote her "I let her down and she fell out of love with me". All she said at the time was it "was sad and unfortunate."

She just decided she wanted a different lifestyle.

She has a multi-million dollar home and a multi-million dollar cottage.

She thinks I am the most "outstanding" father and she wants me to move onto a happy life for myself.

That's about it.

[LauraOh]

My husband's "lie" is that he cares about our S.

You can NOT care about our S and treat me so poorly. You are affecting his marriage and dooming him to a miserable R some day.

I keep up a barage of "this and its variations."

I am slowly using it more and more--I am seeing results--it is powerful!!

[whitneypinch]

Oh god, is that the truth.

I have read very book I can on divorce and it's effects on children. I too am from divorce. I know how bad this will be for everyone.

BUT as you know you can't change anyone's mind. They have to come to conclusions on their own.