Still Moving Forward

[peacetoday]

being

do you wat ch Joel Olsteen
I love his messagesHope you are doing ok
peace

[BeingMe]

Thanks Peace, I am ok. I just vent a little here and there, just to get rid of the negative thoughts. I am actually quite a happy person, love life, am curious about divinity and the wondrous things that may happen in the next life. I have no deep fears, just a little scared sometimes, but that is not unusual. My faith oscillates between deep certainty, to nothing at all. Sometimes I am in a dark valley just seeing the next step, and other times high on the mountain peaks where I can see far ahead. Presently, I am climbing a mountain.

No, I don't watch Joel Olsteen. I'm not into televangelists, at all. But, just your message, hoping that I am ok makes me feel so. Thank you.

This is why I continue to be on this bb. Just for those messages of hope and peace.

[BeingMe]

A strong positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug. - Patricia Neal

I have to keep remembering this quote by Patricia Neal. I feel so much better when I am feeling positive about the future.

[BeingMe]

I have sent the email. We had a discussion last night ... a very short one. So, I thought it would be a good idea to just send it because it is so difficult to talk to him. It is more or less as I put it last with some extra thoughts.

I am just so sad ... for me, it is the end of our M. I tried so hard, waited so long. Time to move on and get myself a new life.

Wish me luck.

[job]

BeingMe,
Sometimes it is better putting things down on paper and presenting it to them. Their minds are all over the place and they only hear what they want to hear when you are speaking to them. Yes, it's understandable that it would be difficult speaking to him because you don't know what his reaction or nonreaction will be to what you are saying.

You've done everything you can and you've done well in attempting to salvage your marriage, but unless he wakes up and makes every effort to repair the damage, it will only be a one-sided effort. God has a lot of work to do w/your h. He's got to find himself, be content w/the person he is now and accept those issues that he had no control over when he was a child. He needs to learn that not everything comes in a wrapped package w/a bow on top and trust me, he will in time.

As for you, continue to move forward. Live your life to the fullest and know that God is watching over you and will guide you. He has a special plan for you and he will reveal it when he's ready.

[hoosiermama]

BeingMe--I imagine you are a ball of anxiety today, waiting for your appointment (tomorrow, right?) and the MRI results. I'm so sorry you are going through all this alone after being with someone for 24 years and sharing your lives.

I know what it's like to continually be told "you're so strong" in the midst of crisis, when all you really want to do is just lean on someone else--even briefly--so you don't HAVE to be so strong, to share the feelings and be supported.

Hoping for miracles for you--they do happen. and they don't always look like what we expect. you've always been so supportive of me here--I wish the same support for you.

[BeingMe]

Dear BM, yes the last five years have been tough, I am sorry I dragged you out here, the intention was to start over, and I did try but obviously not hard or long enough. I don’t blame you for wanting to call it quits and it is probably time.

I have been struggling with a lot of stuff, most or all of it you know about. There was/is your illness, us of course, then D23 and S23 to a much lesser degree and I am also facing losing my parents which is affecting me more than I ever
thought that it would. I am having a very negative effect on myself, so understand that it is not good for you at all either. I have tried pulling myself out of it but have not been successful. I tried going to a counsellor again but as usual it was not much help.

So anyway, yes it is time to call it quits. I would say let’s just sell the house and square everything up and you take what is left to buy another smaller place before making it official, but I think now may not be a good time to sell, although it looks like a good time to buy. I guess we will have to continue to stay in the house for a while. I will try to get all the stuff finished so that we can get it sold sometime in the fairly near future, if the market changes.

Yes I want to continue to be the best friends possible and yes I want to be as fair as possible financially, and absolutely I want to continue to support you as best I can with your illness.

This is the email I received from my H. I was unaware of most of his issues, at least, the depth of it. I did not even know he had seen a C. He shares nothing of his feelings, never had, and probably never will. As he said, it is time to call it quits. He is a man caught in the headlights of a oncoming train, and cannot move one way or another. That's how it feels anyway. I still think there is more going on, but I don't care anymore.

Thanks for the replies. Hmama, yes I am somewhat fearful about the MRI results. I am trying not to be.

[hoosiermama]

I'm so sorry, BM. what crummy timing.

[BeingMe]

As for you, continue to move forward. Live your life to the fullest and know that God is watching over you and will guide you. He has a special plan for you and he will reveal it when he's ready.

Thanks Snodderly. I do feel that God is watching over me most of the time. Sometimes, I just feel somewhat alone, but I have friends I can talk to and I have this site to vent. Thank goodness for this place.

[job]

I'm sorry about the MRI and I do hope that everything goes well.

As for your h, he is paddling against the tide and he realizes that he's not able to move forward or backward. Such a shame for him to think that calling it quits will make things better. Divorcing you will not fix his issues, but he will have to figure that one out.

I'm very sorry about the timing and how he's going about all of this.