Your right, I regret ever getting into the conversation, I should had just held it in and eventually blew it off at the gym or something.
I WILL NOT bring it up again to her. Do just continue as if the conversation did not happen and take with me the the knowledge of what she has said about her feelings?
No I do NOT want to drive her away, after thinking about what I said and re--read what I typed I can see where I was pressuring and driving her out the door.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
You shouldn't have to hold it in; you need to get to the point where you understand that you are going to be OK with or without her, and only she can decide whether or not she is going to re-commit to this M.
Now, if you have had enough and want to bail, then that's another story, but if you are going to try to save your M, you have to understand that you cannot force somebody to make only choices you like.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I'm at a worse position than him in most respects. What has been happening is I have been calming myself, being less stern and strong in my communication and my wifes walls have been coming down slowly.
I still live outside of the residence. IN the last two weeks she is letting me "slap her on the ass", when I hug her - and just the other day she let me grab her chest and she made a joke about it that was not intended to maim. Her joke was something like "you just wanted to give me a hug so you can cop a feel", it was funny.
Anyway, I look forward to the day when I can have intercourse with my own wife again. When she desires her marriage and treats me well and defends me. When she gives me a good position as a man as with respect to her viewpoint.
The "ass slap" could have easily backfired, but it didn't and since that first one, I have been allowed inside that boundary when I want.
We also went to dinner last week, but she started to raise her walls on me and I went [censored] on her.
I still know I can get it back.
Anyway OfficerInNeed, I think you are doing real good, real respectful and responsible toward your relationship. Do something thats not supposed to be managed and neat like an "ass slap" or be seen naked by her on purpose.
Don't talk about the relationship. I think it raises guilt or makes them feel stupid. That same thing does not work for me.iu
W said "I want it to look presentable" and I replied "I want the home to look presentable for the 26tth as well but I also hope the improvements to our home extend beyond the 26th"
You are pressuring her. This is pursuing. Not attractive.
In addition to pursuing, it comes across as critical. What she's doing isn't good enough; there has to be more. Success is clearly defined as "keep it up past the 26th", so why should she even bother with this because the effort itself gets no credit,
If your wife feels you have a history of controlling, I'll lay odds that regardless of what you said, the above is exactly what she heard.
You are right and i feel awful about the whole conversation. It is like I have to start DBing all over again from the beginning that all progress has been lost.
W has backed off entirely. W thinks that I think "there is hope." W thinks I try to govern or control what she says when I was only trying to establish better communication with her.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
See, this is why I think it is very important you start doing things on your own for you and your own life. You and your spend so much time together and it gives her lots of chances to observe you and nit pick.
If you had your own thing going on you wouldn't feel the strong need to have a R talk because it would not all feel so pressing.
You have so many expectations and for the most part they seem to be worlds away from where your W is at. Another good reason to get out there on your own.
You still have been unable to break the pattern you have with your W. Unless you really change you and your life it will remain.
Also, you were not at the point yet to establish "better" communication. IMO it was more about establishing "civil and normal" communication. Nothing can be built on moans and grunts. That wasn't to improve anything. It was to hear words when you have a conversation which is the very basis of a conversation!
Your W doesn't respect you. She calls it governing what she says. I call it asking to be treated w/the same courtesy you would treat a store clerk. She doesn't respect you so she doesn't treat you w/common courtesy.
DB all over and this time GAL for you and limit the time you spend with her. She has told you to have no hope so proceed on with your own life.
Build up demand outside of the house and you will get lots of coochie in the house. No body has to cheat on their wife to get what they want. Teach her a lesson.
Build up demand outside of the house and you will get lots of coochie in the house. No body has to cheat on their wife to get what they want. Teach her a lesson.
bad idea. terrible. more of the same.
she told you straight up:
Quote:
Now I remember the 3rd thing W said she did not like about me... W said "And I think you hide things from me"
start pulling that stuff and you might as well give your wife the freedom to move on with her life without additional heartache.
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thank you for posting your conversation. I personally taught it read as being a very healthy conversation to have at the time. People need to let it out and need to be heard, and need to listen. It is healthy. Once you know what you need to know now. Let it sink in.
thus, A major take home point =
Quote:
I asked "What do you think would help improve things between us"
W said "For you to stop talking about it"
So true. So many people talk about fog and their WAW spouse not making sense when they talk, but do you see the clarity in the above response. Can you understand the importance over the "long run?" I am not trying to beat you over the head with this as it reads like you truely understand, but I hope others who constantly berate their spouses with questions and arguments realize the importance.
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Can I ask you a question?
What is the difference between marriage and friendship with your wife?
