While not a regular poster, I am sort a behind the scenes gal who reads everyone's post. Creepy I am not, just shy!
Several people seem to be going through the "OMG I need to date again"?. What do I do?
I have been on match.com, singles.net, pof.com, and worst Craigs List. Where are the regular,normal people? My worst experience was the "meet and greet" with a fellow at Starbucks who within 5 minutes of meeting me says that he likes to wash womens' hair and TMI....
BTW I have more horror stories than good successes with online dating. I know I am not tainted and evil, are my expectations too high? The psycho factor is really starting to skeeve me out.
Where have all the nice fellows gone? And those that are around where do you find them?
We are all the discarded nice guys here on DB board. We are similar to the Island of Misfit Toys in Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. I believe there is even a picture of whatisis and his real name is...
Well, I have to admit my experience with internet dating is quite limited, but nowhere near as sketchy as yours. So I'm wondering, did I just get really lucky, or are you missing important clues online?
My (very brief) experience:
First guy I met for a drink very shortly after my ex left. I knew the marriage was over at that time, but I'm sure this guy could see I wasn't ready to date. He was a lovely guy, looked just like his pictures, we had some common interests. We stayed in touch intermittently, he has provided me with some good advice about my recent boyfriend, and I'm trying to fix him up with my best friend. He's 6 years younger than me, very smart and nice looking, easy to talk to.
Second guy, I made the mistake of chatting a little too much online before we met for that first coffee. He was ready to fall in love right that second, I wasn't even sure if I wanted to date yet. Liked him online but no chemistry for me once I met him. Still, he was a nice guy, not a weirdo.
Third guy, lived very far away, so we ended up chatting for a couple of months online before I ended up going to visit him. Would NOT do a long-distance relationship again. But when I met him, it was instant pheromone fireworks. I always thought we were perfectly suited to each other but he does have some serious issues with relationships (been burnt too many times before, scared to get too close now). After a year of dating he broke up with me, but we are actually still good friends.
Now - was it sheer luck, or good instincts on my part? I didn't talk with anybody who had "soulmate" in their profile. I tried to weed out politically incompatible sorts and guys who didn't read or mention music in their profiles. Also eliminated those with misspellings in their profile.
But come to think of it - the two guys I liked, I contacted them. Hmmmmm. Dunno if that's significant or not?
Still - if you're turned off of online dating, I would suggest getting involved with some recreational activity that you like, AND that usually includes lots of men (knitting club is out). I play drums in a rock band, and although I haven't met any potential boyfriends there yet, I have acquired some great male friends. They've been my sounding board through long-distance-boyfriend problems, and I'm sure they would jump to introduce me to any single friends if they had some they thought I would like. Plus I had groupies at one gig, lol!!! (Two drunk guys at the bar shouting my name ) Ellie
We are all the discarded nice guys here on DB board. We are similar to the Island of Misfit Toys in Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. I believe there is even a picture of whatisis and his real name is...
That's exactly what I've wondered after browsing CL a few times...since when did every guy had to look like Tom Cruise (is that a good example?) what about his values, his ambitions, his character for putting the family before his own needs etc? If looks and money alone is what women are after these days then I'll be single for a long time...
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
BTW I have more horror stories than good successes with online dating. I know I am not tainted and evil, are my expectations too high? The psycho factor is really starting to skeeve me out.
Lilac,
I too joined match.com.
The first lady contacted me, I went, it felt good to have someone interested in you. Then we met 3-4 times within 5 days. She went on vacation and was texting me constantly. I had another date lined up with someone else Thursday and someone else on Friday. I told her and she got mad at me. wee texted each other a bot after my date Friday night and she could get past the fact I went out with someone else. She said we shouold go our separate ways, so I agreed. 5days later she texts me asking to have another try at us.
Second girl I went out with and whom I really thought we hit it off with. We went 3 times and after our 3 date she saw "activity" on match and said that shows her I have doubts about us. Again I validated her feelings and made no contact. 10 days later she texts me sayign she hasn't stopped thinking about me. WTF...?
Oh hey the first girl I met said she had a guy Texted her a picture of his unit and said "what do you think"?
I thought if this is my competition then it will be easy pickins for me.
SO where are all the sweet women at?
CRAIGS LIST?? COME ON, ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME?
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
The thing with Match that people don't realize (I had one use it against me) is that even if you just open an email, it shows up as activity. I had a woman call me a liar, she was insistent that I was on match, and must be going out with other women. Which would have been a challenge, since we were seeing each other on the "hey, I'm not doing anything, want to get together?" schedule, and I never said no. I realized quickly that it was her issue, and it was a good thing I found out early on!
I've met several once, enjoyed a pleasant evening, and had no interest in seeing them again.
The closest thing to a disaster was the one that told me I was eating lunch too slowly. Here I was talking to her!
I've not experienced the jealous women that watch my profile activity. But if I only went out a few times and one was complaining that she did not want me to sample more of the buffet, that would be a great sign of a controlling type to avoid further dating.
I've hidden my profile and turned off auto renew since I am interested in continuing to see a nice lady my age and kids summer activities make it such that I have little time to try meeting other women. I dont know if she has done similar, but if things progress further romantically, I dont worry that she would become exclusive with me.
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