Unless I saw her make some 180's I'll be royaly po'd if it does not happen.
Crazy, but the only chance I see of us making it work is her being D for a few years and being lonely enough to make some changes. I may be long gone by then.
I told her this...to which she agreed and moaned. ?????
When you're done, you will no longer give stuff like this any thought and if she were to come to you and ask for a chance your answer would be "nope."
That's done.
Take your time. It sounds like you may still have things to work through.
Making you jump through hoops, and then penalizing you for jumping?
I've seen this kind of crazy behavior before - in my MIL. It's called innocence lost childhood + MLC = illogical games no one can win or even understand. It defies logic. You just can't converse in English with someone who insists on only speaking Greek.
Just to let you know my plan A was to make it work but now I am on the road to plan B. It is not what I wanted and I believe it isn't what my H wanted but time has not healed him the way I had hoped. After 3+ years, I can no longer live my life for what might be, I need to accept what is...and what is is that my H can not commit to the M even though he says he loves me and wants the marriage. I just can't play that game anymore.
I guess the point I'm trying to make is that when you are "done" you are no longer be contemplating the "what if's", you will know it. You will just be done regardless of what your W does. Sure there is still a part of me that hopes my H will figure it out before I have completely moved on...however, I think that is the last bit of hopeless romantic left in me...I'm always cheering for the leading man when he finally gets that epiphany in the last few minutes of the movie. Unfortunately, in real life and we don't always get the cheesy happy ending.
There were many times I said I was done but I let my H back in because I believed he was finally "getting it". That didn't happen for me but I feel better knowing I gave it my absolute all. Do yourself a favor and for now just live your life without rushing anything. That way, you give yourself time to heal as well. Everything will eventually fall into place where it is supposed to be.
No one sees their marriage collapsing when they're standing at the altar on their wedding day, saying their vows.
The problem is, each partner's idea of "commitment" varies depending on their background and level of "stick-to-it-ness." For some, "forever" means until "til death do us part." For others it means "until the honeymoon is over."
Take your time. Do what you need to do to assure yourself you've done EVERYTHING you could to make it work. But at some point, it's time to move on. Only you can decide when that is.
