Guess I'm not in quite as good of shape as I hoped. W came over tonight after dinner. She needed a little help with her laptop, and offered to bring ice cream if I'd take a look. I thought it an obvious but cute attempt to come over here, so I said okay, but she had to bring a movie too.
She came over before the kids went to bed, and we all hung out for a while. After I got the kids to bed, I helped her with her computer. We were flirting pretty good. She said she wore a new perfume and wanted to know if I liked it. I did.
We put the movie on and laid next to each other on the sofa. We made out once in a while. I ramped it up too fast though. I don't even want to go there yet, but something inside me wanted to see how far I could push it before she backed off. Maybe I just wanted to see if she would back off. She eventually did, and she made joke out of it, but my reaction surprised me. I wasn't angry, but it caused me to wall back up a little. I wasn't as open and easy going, and it was a little awkward from then on. We finished the movie and she left. Now I feel very weird, and not good.
This isn't going to be easy, is it?
We have a tentative date to meet for a late breakfast in the morning. If we do get together, I think I should be honest and tell her how I feel.
Future, you said a few times that you weren't sure you were ready to re-commit to your marriage, even if she agrees to your conditions. There isn't a rush. You've got a lot of years ahead of you. Just watch how things develop, and don't push the sex part--because it will put you back in the relationship immediately. Funny how you should wait--even though you're still married!
Just watch how things develop, and don't push the sex part--because it will put you back in the relationship immediately. Funny how you should wait--even though you're still married!
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Future, you said a few times that you weren't sure you were ready to re-commit to your marriage, even if she agrees to your conditions. There isn't a rush. You've got a lot of years ahead of you. Just watch how things develop, and don't push the sex part--because it will put you back in the relationship immediately. Funny how you should wait--even though you're still married!
It is incredibly frustrating, having to think about my WIFE in this context. The vibe is very good between us, but I can feel each of us doing an emotional dance. She just now sent me an e-mail saying that very thing. She says she's feeling a push and pull, sometimes wanting to rush back in, then wanting to pull back and go slow.
She's suggesting we go away for a few days together to get away from kids and work and see how we do. It's been incredibly frustrating trying to get time to ourselves. We know we do great with the kids. We need to find out how we are together, just us.
I just sent her a response. I said I was feeling a push and pull too, and I said we needed to find out if there is an immovable dealbreaker between us before we go further down this road.
However, I did say the idea of going away with her felt good, and I threw out some interesting and amusing suggestions on where we could go.
In her message, she said she thinks us going away together will result in either a "new beginning" or "healthy ending", although she hopes it's the former.
At the end of my reply, I said the following:
P.S. Wherever we decide to go, two rooms, ok? If we have our "healthy ending" on the first day, I want to be free to date during the remainder of the trip. Ha! ;^)
