Update on me. First, I have been watching many of your threads. Not posting, but watching.
Second, LIFE IS GOOD folks. REAL good.
I have put some feelers out and have had coffee "dates" with a few women. More this coming week. I have been trading messages and spoken with one VERY attractive and interesting woman.
On Friday, I had coffee with a woman. Conversation was good, and I felt very in control. After leaving, within 5 minutes, she sent me a text to tell me I was very cute (her words) and fun to talk to. And, at that moment, it occurred to me that it has been a REALLY long time since I had heard that. And, it was...VERY encouraging. I'm in no hurry, but I am slowly embracing the obvious - that there are a lot of really nice, beautiful women out there who are looking for someone like me. And, I've never felt more equipped to deal with whatever comes my way.
Hang in there people. There is wonderful, positive light at the end of the tunnel.
Thanks buddy. You're there too. And I HAVE been following your thread. Good post earlier in the week on your one year anniversary with us. You're a good man.
That's awesome, GIMA!!!! Wow, I hope I find the same when I'm ready- I kind of doubt there are nice, good-looking, have dealt somewhat with their baggage, eligible men where I am. Not that I'm even close to ready to look, but the thought seems depressing.
You seem to be in a really good place right now- I haven't had the emotional extra to post much for anyone, but just wanted to drop in and see how you are- looks like you're doing just fine!
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
I'm back after a long break. Folks, life is very, very good!!
Ok, house will close Aug. 2. We still have not told the kids. I know, not good. That's coming very soon. And, I'm not looking forward to it. Not one bit.
The reason we haven't told them is b/c I agreed to go to a joint C session with her to "learn how to tell the kids." I already know how SHE is going to tell the kids. The C session just occurred yesterday. Was the only joint C session I have attended with stbxw. And it was uncomfortable.
We each saw C alone last week to prepare for yesterday's joint session. When I showed up, C said stbxw didn't tell her much about why she wanted the D nor did stbxw really want to talk about it. What?! Stbxw is the one who asked for this C session!!! So, when I went for my alone session, I laid it all out for her. C agreed that stbxw was being unfair by not telling my why she wanted a D.
And the best part - C tells me stbxw was concerned I would treat the jt C session as an attempt to reconcile. WHAT?! Uh, not to sound conceited, but women have been coming out of the wood work gladly to try to take what she doesn't want (and that's pretty cool). I explained I no longer wanted that. I followed up and sent stbxw a txt to tell her C mentioned this and if stbxw were concerned about this, she shouldn't - I was no longer interested in reconciliation. Stbxw (or I could call her the narcissist) responds that the C "must be mistaken" b/c stbxw didn't say that. Hmmmmm, that sounds familiar.
So, fast forward to joint C session. C tells stbxw flat out that stbxw's refusal to give me an explanation was unfair. Stbxw responds, almost indignantly, that she thought she had. Stbxw: "Well, maybe I painted with a broad brush. I mean I didn't go granular." WTF is this woman talking about, and who talks that way? Anyway, C asks if stbxw could handle it (HA! I already know the answer to that one!!), stbxw should write an explanation to me for why she wanted the D.
Wife signed a lease yesterday. Good for her. Can I help you move in early?! I'm done with her as a spouse and have been for a while.
I am looking for a place and will probably move out before she does.
I know there are still a few dark patches ahead. I know I can, and will, handle them. The progress since coming here is nothing short of miraculous!!
You sound FABULOUS GIMA!!! I always knew you would come through this, no matter what the outcome, with flying colors.
Your STBXW is definitely in the land of self-absorbtion. Good grief! So, is she going to write out why she wants the D or is she just going to sweep this under the rug and pretend it never happened? When are you going to tell the kids?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
You sound FABULOUS GIMA!!! I always knew you would come through this, no matter what the outcome, with flying colors.
Your STBXW is definitely in the land of self-absorbtion. Good grief! So, is she going to write out why she wants the D or is she just going to sweep this under the rug and pretend it never happened? When are you going to tell the kids?
As for telling the kids, we are still "discussing" that. I am pushing for now - she later. And SHE's the one who wanted the D, not me!!! WTF??!!!
What's that we always say here? NO EXPECTATIONS. I have no expectation or belief she will write any explanation for why she chose the path she did. And as I write this, I have a mental picture of her sitting down to put something down in writing (electronically or by hand) explaining why she saw D as the only option.
And implicit in putting down in writing out the "why" is that the "why" has to justify a D. And, I think I know some of the things she would write (again, I am guessing) and they simply do not justify a D.
So, either she has to make something up or adjust her perception of what she writes. In either event, there must necessarily involve some move away from reality, away from the TRUTH. I suppose this is one instance where the truth won't set her free.
Wow. That just sort of came out.
Mishka, I'm doing great. Only worry or emotion is for the kids. I don't feel a sense of loss for stbxw. Honestly, I don't. And that makes whether I receive an explanation or not from her completely irrelevant. It just doesn't matter anymore to me. Because I'm just too far gone to go back to her.
In meeting new women, I am very quickly learning that while I'm not perfect (none of us are), I'm pretty normal in my expectations from a partner. And there are many women out there who know how to say thank you, aren't afraid to show appreciation for nice gestures, are good communicators and actually desire being around, and with, someone like me.
Maybe that last part is just the last piece of the puzzle that is my self-esteem being put in place. Sort of the manifestation of what I knew after picking myself up off the ground (thanks Coach!!!) - that, dammit, I deserve to be happy and I'm not the bad person my stbxw thinks I am. I hope if she ever figures all of this out, there are people around her like I found here who can help her on her walk through he!!. But, it can't be me anymore.
Her choice, like all of her choices since the bomb, have consequences. If she was trying to break the bond between us, she's done it. And that no longer hurts. At least to the extent it no longer involves the kids.
So, there is life out there people. Don't ever, ever, ever quit working on yourself and don't ever, ever, ever give up. NEVER! It isn't going to find you. You have to go get it!!!!
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