Changing the locks created a sanctuary, safe place for me and was wholly appropriate.
Next time she goes off on you do the "Uh huh", "Yeah", "I can see how you'd feel that way." Of course, I'm still not that good when I get intimidated, fell at fault when talking to the former spouse. But heck, I just keep trying.
It's great to hear what a wonderful weekend you had with the kids. You're the dad.
Thanks Gypsy. For all those following, I recall when Jeff223 said to me a coupla years ago to envision this moment. He was right. It was peaceful without her. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
What do you have planned for summer vacation with your kids?
As for the online dating...match.com has worked well for me. I usually exchange emails quite a bit before ever suggesting we meet. Have patience and meet many of them and eventually you will find one who lights your fire and is compatible with you.
The house being up for sale and the financial issues are probably going to limit any vacation. However, the kids are in summer day camp; S9 want's to play in a summer baseball travelling league and we have lots of pools around. A big summer vacay will probably have to wait for next summer. This summer, perhaps, short weekend or day trips will have to do.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Ironically, XW has her own 3 BR house now. I don't have the key to it. The house is in my name and she vacated. So, when I change the locks, BAM: I'm an a$$hole again.
My X tried that too, about 2 years after after he had moved out he wanted a key to the house because it was on the market and his name was still on it. X: Give me a key, this is my house as much as it is yours. Me: No X: My name is on it, I demand a key. Me: No X: You have to, it is like a landlord situation and I HAVE to have a key. If you had a landlord they would have a key. Me: No
Guess who didn't get a key! LOL
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
You might need to be careful. Check with your L about this, just to be safe.
I was in the opposite situation -- I moved out of the family home for the sake of my kids, and xW had at one point threatened to change the locks on me. She couldn't do that legally, not in our case.
In such a situation both parties are under some obligations, depending on the separation agreement or divorce terms. In our case, we were still M'ed at the time and I was the primary name on the mortgage. I was making all the mortgage payments and was due a key, which I retained. However, I was also very careful to make sure that I let her know before I would ever visit the premises -- and sought her approval first. You have to be extra careful in these circumstances, on either side.
The best arrangement we had is that I would visit the house under pre-arranged approval. Usually, xW would arrange to be elsewhere at those times because she was most interested in not seeing me more than really worrying about me invading her living quarters.
Again, your mileage may vary, but I suggest checking with your L.
My attorney told me not to change the locks initially. But after a decent amount of time had gone by she sid it was okay. I am pretty sure that since they are divorced he is within his rights to change the locks. He has a right to expect a certain level of privacy, nd giving her a key would negate that.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
if he is responsible for the mortgage in his name and not hers and she moved out and they are divorced...I would say he could spray paint his house purple and change the locks every week
As crazy as this may sound Frank, seems to me there are at least little signs that XXX might be recognizing the need for a peaceful coexistence.
Not that I would be giving her power of attorney over my living will or anything...
Glad you ended the back and forth conversation. Nothing more than a waste of time for both of you. Trust me, you will find many, many opportunities to have similar conversations over the years, and they will always be as fruitless as they are now.
You know what some write on this board about how the WAS comes to their senses at some point? My personal experience (and Deb's for that matter) suggests otherwise. My ex is still just as out in left field as she was the day she walked out the door, and it's now been nearly four years.
I wouldn't fret much about the changing of the locks. While it never hurts to check with your lawyer (who should definitely be gracious about such questions given your healthy contribution to her earnings this year, lol), I tend to agree with Fig that given the settled state of your affairs, you are well within your rights to establish personal security at your home.
And if I could offer a friendly counsel on the dating scene?
Don't be in a rush. And keep it friendly for a bit. While you've been emotionally solo for some time now, you've also been living in a (sometimes not so) demilitarized zone. If you can manage some small group social activities for awhile, it might help you ease back in to the casual social scene.
My friend, I cannot imagine you lacking for the attention of interested females for long. You're the solidest of solid catches. But heal your heart for a bit and get a routine establsihed. You don't want to be balancing too many things right out the gate of your new life.
Finally, awesome sounding weekend with the kids. Of course you know they don't always have to be weekends that are chalk full of activities, but make every hour a good hour.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
