Husband left again for long weekend. On thursday was packing up CDs and DVDs to take with him. Asked me to sort out which ones were 'mine' and when I picked a few that we had acquired during the marriage, he claimed that those were all his. I guess anything that was 'ours' is now his. <sigh> Not worth the effort to argue, I don't really care what CDs he takes.
Next he asked where I had put the cord for the stereo. My husband was always the technical wiz, he set up our computers, stereo system, television, etc. I haven't done anything with that stuff for 13 years since it was his domain. Suddenly he claims I must have taken the cord or hidden it somewhere. I have no idea what he was talking about, I don't know one cord from another and could only marvel at how completely irrational he sounded.
He left early on friday from the office. When I thanked the staff for helping to fill in to do his work the receptionist said to me ," I think he just needs more time away. He shouldn't even bother coming in on fridays." Its sad to me that they can see him falling apart, and he prides himself on putting on a good face in public. Obviously not working.
When I got home there was another note. This one just said "Have a good weekend, I'll see you monday." No signature or heart this time.
I have to admit that when he is gone I am much less emotionally a wreck. I still think about him all of the time, but at least I'm not continuously in tears. Still I go out and see husbands and wives doing things together, just boring stuff - shopping, walking in the park, etc and wonder why that couldn't be us. He's changed so much from the man I knew, and yet I still love him. Guess I'm feeling sorry for myself this weekend.
Me - 38 Husband - 40 MLC! Together 12 years Married 11 years Still the love of my life Forever only lasted 10 years before his MLC and affair
So last night my H sent me two emails about some shoes that I had been looking at on Ebay. He's (presumably) with OW. Its not like the emails couldn't have waited until he gets back on Monday. I didn't reply because I wasn't sure what to say. They were just a forward about 'item you are watching is due soon' or something like that.
Is this an attempt at control? Reaching out for connection?
Me - 38 Husband - 40 MLC! Together 12 years Married 11 years Still the love of my life Forever only lasted 10 years before his MLC and affair
I'm sorry he's having such a difficult time. As for the note about the shoes, sounds to me like he felt guilty for leaving you over the holiday. Just like a child who breaks something or who knows or does something wrong, they will find a way to make amends, but there will be no apology in the mix.
In my opinion, it's neither control or a reconnection...it's just simply a way of saying "sorry" in his language. Sometimes they will send cryptic emails around holidays just to shake you up and make you as miserable as they are. There's no way of telling what is going on in his mind to be perfectly honest.
I would try to enjoy the holiday w/him gone and not think about his shoes email.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
It is really hard knowing that our H's are off having a great time with their OW's on a holiday where we normally would do things with them as a family.
I spent last night with my H's sisters and their family's!!! Who knows where my H is...off camping with OW...he said he was too busy to spend time with the kids this weekend.
I, too, am seeing couples all over the place that I didn't ever really notice before. But, I did see one couple yesterday at a baseball game where she was saying something, and he stops her and says, why are you acting like this and then I didn't hear anymore as I was walking away. H and I had moments like that and I have to say that I am not missing that part of us!!!!
Try to find something to do for yourself this weekend!!!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
I have been trying to keep busy, had a list a mile long for the whole weekend but am finding that I already finished almost everything. My folks called yesterday wanting to know how I was - its just a hard question because on the outside I'm ok and inside I'm just dying. Talking to them made me all teary.
Haven't heard anything from the inlaws - they still don't know the situation, and H has been so horrible to them they hardly contact us.
Guess I have to find more yardwork or something to do. I do have plans to see some friends from dance class around dinner time tonight. Thanks everyone for your support.
Strength and hugs to you all this weekend.
Me - 38 Husband - 40 MLC! Together 12 years Married 11 years Still the love of my life Forever only lasted 10 years before his MLC and affair
Well, new development. My MIL called and asked to talk to H, I told her that he was not here and told her to call him on his cell phone. He had told me that he wanted to be the one to tell his parents 'what is going on' and I have respected that, so figured this was the easiest way to deal with the situation.
15 min later I get a call from H, of course he is mad at me saying "what did you tell my mother?" I informed him that she was looking for him and I only mentioned he was gone. He wanted to know why I just had not picked up the telephone and ignored the call! He warned me that MIL 'is a first class meddler and she'll be calling you, don't talk to her" then hung up.
I guess part of me is glad that the in-laws know something is up, and part of me is terrified of the wounded MLC beast.
Me - 38 Husband - 40 MLC! Together 12 years Married 11 years Still the love of my life Forever only lasted 10 years before his MLC and affair
You didn't do a thing wrong in advising her to call him on the cell. If he had manned up and told his parents what he was doing it would be one thing, but it's not your place to "cover up" his mess. Time for him to take responsibility for his own messes.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Yes, Snodderly, it always bothered me if we would see them (rarely) and they would ask "how are you two?". My H would quickly jump in with 'everythings fine' and change the conversation. I had asked him in the past if he was going to inform his parents. He told me that 'when I start to move stuff out' which has been going on for the last two weekends. I figured it was reality coming a bit too close to his fantasy which got him all unsettled.
It will be interesting to see how he acts when he comes home tomorrow.
Me - 38 Husband - 40 MLC! Together 12 years Married 11 years Still the love of my life Forever only lasted 10 years before his MLC and affair
Thanks CW, I'm sure H doesn't see it that way. AFter all, its too easy to blame anything that rocks his MLC world on me. As I said before, I think he plan was to have everything packed and once he left town to tell his folks. I suspect then he was thinking he'd trot out OW as a 'new girlfriend' and that no one would be the wiser. He really is not attached to reality at the moment.
Me - 38 Husband - 40 MLC! Together 12 years Married 11 years Still the love of my life Forever only lasted 10 years before his MLC and affair
