I exposed the A that I discovered, and that seems to have thrown cold water on the situation. At least for now.
I was expecting denial and anger from her. I wasn't prepared for the maliciousness and manipulation, and particularly the way she's involving our S(6).
She's now actively referring to D, as if it's something we've agreed to. Lawyers are involved, money is an issue, and it seems to be getting worse than I dreamed it could.
And to make it even more unbearable, I now have almost as much hatred towards her as I do love. I can forgive the A, but the behavior since, especially manipulating our S, is almost more than I can bear. I am tormented and distraught. How can the woman I've known for all these years have turned into this malicious, vindictive and manipulative harpy?
It's called addiction Entangled... and it does get better.. this is the low point when you push things forward toward her ending the affair or destroying the marriage... It's a rough point, but you just have to muscle through it...
It's not your wife you are dealing with, its an addiction.
I'm trying...I really am. I'm filled with doubt and disillusionment. One moment, I remember how we fell in love all those years ago, and the next I think about how she's doing things now that I wouldn't have expected from her in a million years. I had such hope there were signs of softening and affection earlier in the year, only to be replaced by betrayal and hostility. I know this isn't my wife, my lover, and the mother of my child that I'm dealing with. It's a creature of fear, disillusionment, distrust, and pain. One moment I tell myself that I'll not help her in destroying my family and our M, and the next I tell myself that she's so far gone that she can't change and our M can't be saved. I didn't think I could hurt more than when she left. I was wrong.
Exposure is rough on addicts... You have burst the bubble of the secret fantasy... The addiction feels violated... It DOES get better...
She's not a creature, addiction messes with the mind something fierce and the end result is what you have seen.. particularly when you attack the addiction head on such as you have...
Let her deal with a lawyer, the lawyer only talks one language - reality... Which is what she needs to hear right now...
You are protecting your family and believe it or not - your wife as well.
It's a creature of fear, disillusionment, distrust, and pain.
I don't know what she is going through, and neither do you, and in the state she is in she probably can't tell you what she is going through, and it will change to something a minute later even if she gets out sometime honest.
But... take a look at yourself too because this is filling you with disillusionment, distrust and pain as well, and I bet you don't know how you feel from day to day either.
It's OK. I've been there myself. You have to learn not to fear what is going to happen tomorrow. I know you just want to know what the future holds, but the truth is that we never know what the future holds, and until this happened and you started to think about your M ending, you were probably a lot less fearful of the future too.
I can guarantee you, anyway, that when you decided to start dating your W, you were uncertain of the future, and it didn't bother you. That is the place you need to get back to first, IMO: be comfortable with not knowing what is going to happen (you will never truly know anyway) because that is only attatchment. Whatever you decide to do when you fully detatched with be the right thing to do.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
That's the rub isn't it. Up to the point when she left, every new adventure with her was met with uncertainty, but with hope and excitement. Now that has been replaced with uncertainty, fear, and anguish.
A bit here and there. Not at this personal level, and not during this part of the addiction.
Welcome to the Temple of Doom my friend...
There are some TV programs that may help you
Addicted Intervention Hoarders
These are reality programs that follow the life/lives of addicts in their struggle to live a normal life again... It's quite the ride to watch a few of these... you will see some very common behaviuors and get some really great education.
I would reccomend a book as well, but most people don't have the time for a book, so I am reccomending this instead.
