I know I have posted and have a link already started but I just have a question:
What does it mean when your H gets upset or starts acting angry towards you when you tell him that you are going out for the evening? You see we decided this that we would each be able to go out since we are divorcing but when I say I am he acts upset and when I ask him why he says it isn't because he cares where I am going it is just that he wants to know the truth if I am seeing a guy? which is totally not happening.
It isn't really jealousy yet because you don't have another guy you are interested in. What he is doing is searching for reassurance from you that there is no other man involved. He then feels better and then can keep the upper hand with you...
Your best bet to get this man to turn around is to PUSH for the divorce and tell him you are done. Keep going out on the town. He needs a crisis of MAJOR PROPORTIONS. That means he needs to feel you are done for good. Not just one day or one week, but for a few months.
Ok...not trying to be mean here but Puppy that was a little rude of you to say. I was merely asking for help not someone to basically tell me I was dumb for not knowing what it meant. Thank you Gucci Loafer...I agree with you, I am just trying to figure out if it is good jealousy like he deep inside wants it to work or bad jealousy where he is just ticked off because he doesn't want me but he also doesn't want anyone else to have me either?
I would go with the "bad" jealousy, for now. I don't know who is pursuing the divorce, but that would be my guess. You seem interested in the marriage, so it's he who isn't, and I would think that this "jealousy" implies that he still wants power over you.
Jealousy is powerful, and I'd say it's useful to you. I wouldn't give him any reassurance at all. "H, I'm sorry, but that's really none of your business anymore since we are divorcing. Have a good evening!" All done in a breathy, cheery voice. Go out. Have fun. Come in late and giggling, preferably on the phone.
I stopped paying attention to my H and started going out and enjoying myself. I made new friends, and I had one who would always have me call to tell him I made it safely home when I reached my doorstep. I'd come in late, make enough noise so I knew H would wake up (he's a light sleeper), and keep whispering on the phone to him. He'd crack a joke, so I'd always laugh.
Know what? H started to pay attention. I also made sure I was BUSY and looked great all the time. Would go to the other room and make phone calls, started wearing cute nighties, and treated H like he was just some guy I shared a house with. Detached.
Don't worry about what your H thinks. Start living life and having fun. Find your ability to be happy all on your own, and that will give you your best shot.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
Thank you for the advice it is very helpful. Sometimes though I believe it pushes him farther away. He has complained how he hasn't felt important for a very long time and so when I push him into the dark he seems to get more angry. I don't know I am so confused with him it is like a roller coaster sometimes.
I am just trying to figure out if it is good jealousy like he deep inside wants it to work or bad jealousy where he is just ticked off because he doesn't want me but he also doesn't want anyone else to have me either?
I will clarify again.. It is NOT jealousy.. You don't even have another man and you aren't seeing anyone. It isn't jealousy UNTIL you are interested in someone else. THEN he would be jealous. What you have here is a man who is testing you and you keep failing the tests. Each time he asks you if you are seeing someone, he secretly wants you to reassure him that you are not. He wants you to say "no, I am not seeing anyone.
No different than a betrayed spouse asking the wayward spouse if they are seeing someone else. The betrayed is HOPING the wayward will say no. They are looking for reassurance that they aren't being left for another person. When the betrayed finds out there IS another person, THAT is when jealousy kicks in. Not before..
I will say it again.. Your best bet is to dump your wayward and move TOWARD a divorce. Let him FEEL and think and believe that you are DONE and happy to get on with your life. Total 180. I would recommend that you start going out and having the time of your life. Mingle with the opposite sex. Become like a wayward spouse.
Life is too short. Don't waste it on someone who can't or won't reciprocate that love. It isn't worth it and it does NOT work.
I stopped paying attention to my H and started going out and enjoying myself. I made new friends, and I had one who would always have me call to tell him I made it safely home when I reached my doorstep. I'd come in late, make enough noise so I knew H would wake up (he's a light sleeper), and keep whispering on the phone to him. He'd crack a joke, so I'd always laugh.
Know what? H started to pay attention. I also made sure I was BUSY and looked great all the time. Would go to the other room and make phone calls, started wearing cute nighties, and treated H like he was just some guy I shared a house with. Detached.
Don't worry about what your H thinks. Start living life and having fun. Find your ability to be happy all on your own, and that will give you your best shot.
Perfect. This is correct. It WORKS on men. Women have a hard time understanding this about men. Give him a challenge.
Perfect. This is correct. It WORKS on men. Women have a hard time understanding this about men. Give him a challenge.
Men only value what they have to work for in my experience. Women too for that matter. I lost my attraction to H when he rolled over on everything, and I regained it when he called BS and dropped the bomb. No respect = no attraction.
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
