And, just to throw in my 2 cents. Her attny very well might have advised her to delay. Attny's know the very low rate of reconciliation that sticks and he/she very well might have advised your W to proceed with caution. Not to mention if things don't work out she will have to start proceedings all over again (costly).
You know, that occurred to me too. I can totally see that. I called my atty and told him I agree to a delay. I'll see what my W says about it when we talk again.
Most reconciliations in general don't stick. I bet those that happen due to good solid DBing have a MUCH better chance of sticking.
Think about it, 50% of all marriages fail. Those that are in serious trouble, like all of those represented here, are going to have a much worse success rate than that.
This is not only about saving one's marriage, but saving yourself. There are many saved marriages here, but I think there are more divorces. But, I think most people end up being healthier, and will hopefully move onto more successful relationships. That's what I have observed. Although, many people leave the board, and you never know what happened, so that's a wild card.
Yeah, I think you should sit tight, and see where the wind blows, Future.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I like the suggested cryptic reply, "interesting, honestly this isn't what I expected." But you know where you are and maybe you both need a break after Saturday.
The question will be Future whether you have both grown and changed significantly, and could continue to grow together, or whether you would end up slipping backwards. Its hard not to slip backwards into familiar patterns with a familiar person...but not impossible.
I told her I spoke to my atty and it's all set. I'll let this slide for now. I know I won't back down on it. If she wants to keep the option open for a while longer, that's fine.
Joined W and kids for a hike and ice cream last night. She had the kids and invited me. We had a fun time. I see I'm going to have to decide what things I take a stand on. When I met up with them, I noticed my son and older daughter we both wearing caps from OM's country. Was this a test? Just her ignorance over what that means to me? I don't know right now.
After we had ice cream and I was driving them back, my W had her cell phone out and was texting. I still have some residual negative association with that since a couple years ago she was texting OM right in front of us all, although I didn't know it at the time. I tried to ignore it, but I was slightly annoyed. I heard a couple texts come in on my cell phone while we were driving, and it occurred to me to pull it out to look at it, as if to say "How do you like it?", but I thought I'd take the high road and ignore my phone while we were together.
When we got to her car and they all unloaded and drove away I checked my phone and guess what I saw. Texts from her. It was me she was texting while she was sitting next to me. She first sent me a text suggesting that we start going to lunch together every Monday, as an effort to get some one-on-one time together. She was texting right next to me so as to covertly communicate without the kids hearing. We are being VERY careful to not let the kids see what's going on between us. She was hoping I'd look at my phone in the car, and give her a positive reaction, but when I didn't, she texted again and again, teasing me about my refusal to look at my phone while I was with her. I have to admit, she took my memory of her previous behavior, and turned it completely around. I was touched when I saw the texts were from her.
I texted her back, called her a sneak, and said the reason I wasn't looking at my phone was because I'm a gentleman! I said I liked the idea of having lunch together weekly, and suggested we take turns picking a place to go.
Interestingly, on our drive back she randomly brought up the neighborhoods she's looked at as possible places to move to. I said I've always liked those neighborhoods (and I have). More of the secret interview stuff.
Had to drop off a couple things for the kids at W's house tonight. Kids had just gone to bed and she invited me in. She was putting out a very warm vibe. We sat on her sofa watching TV, and she laid her head on my lap. She said "How is it we f*cked up our M so bad, yet this feels so good and right?" I said "I don't know, but not for lack of thinking about it." She nodded, and she was right. It is feeling very good. We ended up talking and making out for two hours. Again we were teasing each other about witholding sex. We know it's too soon.
Something is "fixed" between us. There is a comfort, openness, and honesty between us that is flowing more easily and naturally than every before. We freely talked about subjects that would have been totally loaded guns before. We haven't yet addressed her A yet though. That might not be quite so easy.
