So long, and thanks for the fish

[avermont]

Thanks, Gardener.

I have Journey; got thru Shattering--haven't gotten to internalizing. Clearly it is the next most important thing I need to do. Maybe even ahead of the bills.

I have got to keep the focus on me; read the section on internalizing.

But I can keep hoping for stress/misery/further broken body parts for X, can't I??? Except we know it is bad karma to wish ill on another.

I'm just not saintly enough to honestly wish them the best with a true heart. That will take several more lifetimes, I'm afraid.

On to the workday--thanks for checking in.

[Gardener]

aver,

Except we know it is bad karma to wish ill on another.

Yep. Tempting, though!

I'm just not saintly enough to honestly wish them the best with a true heart.

Nor need you ever be, imo.

That will take several more lifetimes, I'm afraid.

Ya think?

[LookingFrAnswers]

((((Aver))))),
I found you! I'm here, I'm so sorry for your pain. I am really having sympathy pains for you. Your instincts to focus on YOU are right on target. That is all there is to do. You do not need to think, worry about or see X.

Meanwhile I am sending prayers your way. Keep talking to C, posting, I still don't have internet at my brothers' (long story) & using the BB is kinda hard, but know I'm here. You have my support & as much positive energy as I can muster to Vermont! You can, and you WILL, get through this. We are here for you. Keep posting & reading, this is a good forum (I should consider moving over) & I'll check back soon.

Keep remembering your strength, you will get through this. I'm with you in spirit every step of the way. Lots & lots of hugs. (((((Aver))))))

[avermont]

Yay, LFA, there you are!

I'm hoping somebody SMART will link my previous threads to this one.

I am in a much better place.

Spent an evening raking up the grass clippings and honestly feeling: I can live in my power. In my life. I am creating my life. I am me.

I can't say that feeling of strength lasted forever, but I can try to trust that it will come back. And stay longer each time.

I can see that I am progressing in getting through the pain. I musn't forget to work on the internal emotional issues that brought me to this place, though, or all the pain is for naught.

Sort of exactly like PROMISING God you won't EVER drink that much tequila again as you are hugging the toilet bowl, but once the pain is over--back to the fun!

Right? So, everyone, please remind me that getting past the pain is one thing, but working on how/why/what I do, think, believe, act is the next necessary work.

Or you will all see me here again someday, right?

Now, LFA--over to your thread to see how your weekend GAL activities went! (though to be fair, you were moving, dealing with X and dogs, etc. OK--next weekend then!)

Thanks so much for checking in when you can--

[LookingFrAnswers]

Link to Aver's former thread in Infidelity (I hope!):
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2004827#Post2004827

All I did was paste in url from the last post. I'll submit & see if it works...

[LookingFrAnswers]

(((Aver))),
I'm so glad! I know I'm coming into this late, I feel so awful that you were in such pain last weekend. Being sick, moving, & getting ready to go out of town - I was disaster last weekend! I'm sorry! I tried logging on on my BB, but it's damn near impossible to find people's threads on that itty bitty screen so much for being "smart")

Yes, yes yes - by george I think you've got it! You ARE on the right path, I see it in your post, you are not just going to get through it, I predict you are going to make with flying colors.

I have had those moments of peace, in the midst of all the pain. Doing something, much like you raking grass, & suddenly my mind clears & I have a feeling of "it'll be OK". Not sure how or why, but it's like a gift from God when it happens.

You have already done so much work, made so much progress, I wish I could distill my thoughts on paper as clearly & concisely as you always do!

I realized when I checked my thread you were probably raw with pain when you posted on there but still took time to comfort me & give some pretty doggone good advice! ((((Aver)))))

We are going to be like a couple of battle-scarred veterans, a few more lines & grey hairs (so that's what makeup & haircolor's for!) but much wiser for the wear.

And in your case, looking pretty good to several men (that we know about!!!)

I'm so glad you're in a better place, courage & wisdom will keep you there. (((((Aver)))))

[avermont]

You're the best! Now, to see if any of my admiring fans link in..

[avermont]

Yeah, the iphone and BB not so good for checking in.

I had a college friend visiting this weekend. Just a coincidence that she was relatively close. It was so great to be with someone who knew X and me from the very start, and process with her.

(and in the incestuous world of theatre majors, she slept with X, too, so she had some insights!)

She did have some great insights with the bits she had seen with X all those years ago, and the way she had seen my interactions with him over the years. Not necessarily the nicest insights to hear, but sooo necessary.

And then she helped me go on FB and make the big announcement to all the college friends. That was about the last big hurdle, I think and hope. (other than seeing their wedding announcement in the paper some day! bleh!)

I'm very lucky to have my town and community. Lots of town interactions as I brought my friend around and showed off the town and friends.

I may have made some good progress this weekend.

But remember--I MUST do the work. I can't just get past the stomach upset, and forget the pain, and merrily go back to the tequila. (metaphorically speaking)

and now to check your thread, dear LFA.

[lees]

Hey Aver. Sounds like a very productive weekend to me. Friends are fab, and I'm glad you have a great community to be in too.

I don't doubt you'll do the work gal. I'm sure you've done a great deal already.

Well my FB life is getting ever more interesting. I've left the WAW's personal info as "cheater, liar, left my wife for her friend and colleague."

I still can't decide if that's the right thing in terms of exposing her to more shame, or the wrong thing in making me look too bitter and twisted. She won't notice it herself, she barely uses FB, but I'm sure her friends will.

[avermont]

Hey lees-

Well, I have to say that I think that your changing X's profile such leaves you looking perhaps not as big, and not carrying the dignity and class that you will want to remember some time from now. When you are feeling better than you are now.

I wanted to post on my wall: X is a cheating, cowardly, liar! and then post the rest of the gory details.

Friends convinced me that the best thing to do was send FB email and give the news that way. More discreet. Better taste. Etc.

So I did, and I feel good about that. I did respond to some of my friends' notes with the gory details, and invited them to pass them on as they wanted to. So--I am not perfect!! I want the world to know what a terrible person X is!

That's my .02 cents--and I would also suggest just staying the heck away from your X's FB page. Unfriend her, and her friends. FB is just really too evil an invention. Don't torture yourself by looking at her page.

You always want to look like the better person, no matter what it takes.

((lees)