Its funny you should mention that, Snodderly. As part of my GAL, I had already started to redecorate the house. Bought new window shades, a room divider, and just yesterday finished wallpapering a bathroom. He was very interested in these changes, praised me for my taste, wanted to make sure I was 'doing it right' when replacing the baseboards and light switch. He acknowledged that these were 'my projects' but still felt he had to oversee. Why the interest if he is planning on moving and leaving? Could it still be confusion about what he wants?
Today, coming up on another weekend where we don't work, he is packing boxes into his car to take them to OW house. Still has not mentioned anything to his parents, who live just down the road. I have the feeling he wants to be all set to move and then on his way out of town say "by the way folks, I'm leaving my wife for my mistress" but then will be gone, as we (the family) have to deal with the rumors and resulting talk in our small town. Guess there is no way for him to feel the force of their displeasure unless I broach the topic, but he would definitely see that as a betrayal of trust.
Me - 38 Husband - 40 MLC! Together 12 years Married 11 years Still the love of my life Forever only lasted 10 years before his MLC and affair
I am getting better with the tears. I find that when he is not here I am at the point that I really don't cry. Its worse when he is here and being horrible. Luckily I am busy this weekend helping a friend who dislocated her kneecap, it will give me something else to think about.
Since I'm an expert at wallpapering now, let me know if you need help with your bathroom!
Saw a lawyer yesterday to have him go over what my H proposed for the divorce. His advice surprisingly was to not fight it, said that my H was being more than generous, and it was better than what I would get if we fought it out in court, since this is a 50-50 state. My H wants to leave me all of the responsibility (house and business), and take any cash we have (drain the bank accounts, sell our few stocks) and go whoop it up with OW. I'm glad I woulnd't have to worry about a place to live or a job, even if the bills would be a struggle for a few months.
I was also surprised that the lawyer said to me "why don't you just let him have the cash and not get divorced? You know that his fling is only going to last a year or so anyway, and when it falls apart he'll want to come back to you. Then at least you wouldn't be divorced and could work on your relationship again." He said that he has seen this situation many times and 'they always come back". I wish I could be as certain, since currently my H told me he's been unhappy now for the past 10 YEARS! I know its the MLC talking, but its still painful to hear.
Me - 38 Husband - 40 MLC! Together 12 years Married 11 years Still the love of my life Forever only lasted 10 years before his MLC and affair
Oh, and when I got home from the office and talking to the lawyer yesterday my H had left a note on the kitchen counter.
"Have a good saturday, Kitten. I hope the rain holds off for you, don't forget to dry the laundry." Signed with a heart, His name
Its like he was just running to the store or something. At least its not malicious, but what's with the friendly tone? Just more crazy MLC stuff? <sigh>
Me - 38 Husband - 40 MLC! Together 12 years Married 11 years Still the love of my life Forever only lasted 10 years before his MLC and affair
Oh FHS, they really are batschitt crazy. Unbelievable that he's worried about you forgetting to dry the laundry????
Very interesting what your lawyer said. I live in NY also. Just waiting to see what my H proposes in a LS. Are you considering what your L said about the money and no divorce?
Well I hope the rain does hold off where you are. It's already started here, but I'm hoping it clears up for later.
I certainly can propose what the lawyer said, but since its H that is pushing for the divorce I don't think he'd do that. My H had talked about how he doesn't want to drag things out, wants to get out the quickest way possible.
I think its because the OW is putting pressure on him and I have put up as many roadblocks as possible. If my H would just take the money,without divorce, it would mean he'd have doubts about his relationship with OW and I, of course still want to work on our marriage. Of course I'd rather have the marriage than the money! Its just kind of a hard idea to present. If I say "you know things with OW will just fall apart anyway." I'll get an immidiate denial and have to hear about how they are soul mates and she's the love of his life. I don't know if there is another way to propose this and not bring that up.
We've had rain off and on all day. I kept myself busy running errands, helping out a sick friend, and got a new short haircut! H will be surprised when he comes home, as my hair was past my shoulderblades.
Me - 38 Husband - 40 MLC! Together 12 years Married 11 years Still the love of my life Forever only lasted 10 years before his MLC and affair
FHS, I've heard the soul mate, love of my life crap from my H, too. Once in the beginning of this my H told me that ow was perfect and that would never change. Real life has a way of clearing up rose colored lenses. lol Have you seen evidence of any discord in their R?
Hope you love the new haircut. It's a good way to make yourself feel like a new woman!
Have a good saturday, Kitten. I hope the rain holds off for you, don't forget to dry the laundry." Signed with a heart
Wow your H is even nuttier then mine. Their brains must be shorting if they think that it's OK to sleep with OW and talk to you like everything was lovey-dovey between you....
Hope you have a nice weekend
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Seeking Answers- I'm not sure about the discord, but since he's only been spending snatches of time with her I think it will be a big dose of reality when they are finally together all of the time. One thing I have noticed is that when he comes back from a weekend with her, he is always very sexually interested in me. He becomes very flirty, will do things like slap my butt, and sometimes literally has stood in front of me naked where his interest is very visible. It makes me think OW must be lousy in bed, but that doesn't mean that I am satisfying that need for him. I just think he really is crazy - you just came from your mistress and you expect to hop into bed with me?
As I have mentioned before, OW is on the hefty side. H has always been a bit superficial and focused on appearance, he would regularly make fun of heavy people if we were out, etc. I wonder if perhaps this is bothering him when he sees her. Next step is when they each try to 'fix' the other - maybe then things will fall apart.
Me - 38 Husband - 40 MLC! Together 12 years Married 11 years Still the love of my life Forever only lasted 10 years before his MLC and affair
Yes Mila, I always marvel when he leaves me a note like that. He usually does when he leaves for the weekend. Why sign it with a heart? I always think that if he really loved me, then he wouldn't treat me this way. Guess its one of those 'don't believe what they say" things. Maybe its a way of trying to control me (don't forget to do the laundry) - which of course he's going to lose when he moves out totally.
Me - 38 Husband - 40 MLC! Together 12 years Married 11 years Still the love of my life Forever only lasted 10 years before his MLC and affair
