We can all only hope that at some point your ex reaches a point of releasing some of the hostility towards you. I'm sure none of us are optimistic, but hey, a cup of coffee that she bought on her own is a heck of alot better than another verbal slam.
Enjoy the long weekend with the kids. Make it the first of your new life with them - maybe something special to recognize the time together and what the future has in store for the three of you.
I was glad to hear about your conversation with Deb this weekend. Probably better that you called her because I'm hip deep in getting my own house ready for selling. Won't be long Frank and you'll be paving a new road that is totally of your choosing, no longer subject to your ex's attacks.
Tim (ndsmhlp) recently mentioned something in a fb post to Deb about still wanting wings and beer with me sometime in the future. I think several of the guys from here who have been through these wars owe it to themselves to find a way to make something like that happen at some point down the road.
And for what it's worth...there is little that is more masculine than a man who holds his tongue for the sake of his children. I understand how incredibly difficult it must be, so know that you are blessing your children each time you do so.
Blessings,
Bill
Last edited by Bworl; 05/24/1005:33 PM.
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
I know that your son is a cub scout, but is your daughter in the girl scouts? I had a great time with my daughter at girl scout camp this last weekend and I was one of only two guys among about what seemed like 300 mothers and daughters. A very estrogen rich environment! And it is interesting to observe the differences between the 2 organizations.
Frank, maybe now that she has what she wants, she can be a little nicer to you. That is my hope anyway. But, I dont care about her. I care about you.
I wish so much that there was something I could say to ease the pain you are feeling regarding the children.
I can still remember when my father and I (there were 4 children) would have our Daddy and me days. I got to pick whatever I wanted to do with him and he would do it, no matter what. Oh, it was Heaven.
Make new memories with them, Frank. Sweet, fun, wonderful memories that they can take with them throughout their lifetime. And they will, Frank. They will.
I know this is not the life you thought you were going to have, not the life you wanted. But, there is a whole world out there and it's waiting for you.
You will be ok, my friend. And so will your children. After all, they have you for a father.
Thanks all. I remember reading stories of women putting ExLax in their XH's coffee. Well, no bathroom trips for me. Perhaps the coffee was safe.
The house is really thinning out. As you will all probably agree, it wasn't worth dragging out the divorce or fighting over material things. Although XW is leaving some big pieces, a lot of good small pieces are gone. An 8x10 area rug from Pottery barn, a beautiful wood coat rack, the coffee table in the family room, S9's Xbox system, a huge painting over the mantle; both kids BR furniture is going. One set was hers coming into the marriage. S9's was a beautiful solid wood set from PB also. The children deserve to be in their beds. I will suffer with finding an Ikea replacement. We have allowed the children to have input on what small things stay with each parent. The walk in closet is now empty of all her clothes. She has the MBR this week for the last time. My time on the couch is rapidly coming to a close.
XW is communicating with me now without malice. However, strictly on what goes and what stays in the house. She told me that she is going to schedule an appt with the therapist to help the kids adjust. I agreed. She told me that she is planning ON TAKING THE KIDS WITH HER TO THE SALON! (kids will be bored out of their gourd). I told her that I will be a much cheaper babysitter and, that,since she works on Saturdays, she is more than welcome to leave them with me on her Saturday...at least for part of the day.
By stipulation, Memorial Day Weekend is my first full entire weekend with them. Wow. However, afterward, by XW's request, weekends will now be alternated.
Finally, I will now enter the final phase which is going to be financially difficult. Full child support will kick in next week. While I am now alone, and paying the mortgage, I will be squeezed horribly. A bidder on the house has returned and they are having a contractor look at it today. As much as I would like to hang in the house by myself, the quicker it sells, the earlier I will able to begin working to become financially solvent.
Life, as I know it, is coming to an abrupt halt and change. This...is the time that, 4 years ago, the thought of this moment caused crushing chest pain, nightmares and waking up in a cold sweat. I can handle it now, having been through this like others before me.
Ya know...I look at people like Jeff223 above...and others people don't know from the past like DonH. Even bworl above, whose XW literally just punched out and ejected. All, divorced, closed, done within months. Four years for me post bomb.
Four years.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
PS...on the phone this morning, XW reminded me that "I tried to take the kids away from her."
Sigh.
Did I say to her, "well, you were boinking younger men...had a nervous breakdown...was taking three medications...and told me on more than 2 occasions that you were unable to care for them" ??
No.
Originally Posted By: FIB
XW, I"m not going back there. That's over. This is part II. Will speak to you later.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
"a lot of good small pieces are gone. An 8x10 area rug from Pottery barn, a beautiful wood coat rack, the coffee table in the family room, S9's Xbox system, a huge painting over the mantle; both kids BR furniture is going. One set was hers coming into the marriage. S9's was a beautiful solid wood set from PB also. The children deserve to be in their beds. I will suffer with finding an Ikea replacement. We have allowed the children to have input on what small things stay with each parent."
All just stuff man, not important, your memories are what give them value. Since moving out, I have found I don't miss the stuff, nor the house which is just a shell for this stuff as much as I thought I would. Hopefully you will find the same.
The kids adjust to new stuff well, make it an adventure and a game for them. Wow, look at this new stuff! They won't care if it's from Ikea, pottery barn, or target, etc.
New days and new things, you'll get through it, and find a smile from time to time too, I am confident in that for you.
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
