Yuck, I think OW may have moved closer to us. May mean she and OWH are not working it out. She lived an hour away and just saw on FB that she's listing her address as a town 15 min from us.
Your H sounds like my ex, he didn't want to deal with finances, so I paid all the bills out of the joint acct. When he wanted a D, he told me to continue to pay the bills b/c he trusted me but after I found out about ow, he opened his own checking acct & said "you are not in control anymore", I told him then I never wanted to be that I tried to get him involved & he didn't want to be. But, I know why, b/c he can't handle money!! He is not good at it! Now the ow woman handles the money. Since the beginning of the year my alimony check comes in ow's name only, I have a strong feeling she is hiding money from my ex.
That would be awful to have the ow close to you! Really doesn't make sense.
I'm so sorry you are having to go thru all this mess!!!
M&H - sorry about the OW, if she gave up on her marriage and moved closer to your H...that sucks. You will see what's up if you notice any changes in your H's behavior.
(((hugs)))
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Some days I have doubts, like today, that I'm not making a big mistake that H is in MLC. H just seems to be gliding right along. OW on the side, no waves being made by me, he just spends 1/2 his time with her and half at the house. I never raise any issues and neither does he. It's truly like we are roommates and he's just done with me.
There are clues, of course, that things are not OK with him. They're few and far between. I guess no one MLC is the same and this just is a bit smoother with not as much anger and the blaming and anger were short lived. His replay just seems to be so smooth, so calm... it's disquieting, to say the least.
So, I'm just going on with my life like nothing is amiss. -God is a big part of it now, I pray a lot and he answers my prayers in ways that I am surprised at entirely. I KNOW he's working on H's heart, but I don't see the fruits of that yet. -I'm planning on projects around my house, trying to get it under control and looking pretty again. Hoping to entertain there soon, before the summer really hits. I have HUGE projects to get done, like planting a whole yard full of grass with no sprinkler system to water it with. Sigh (we have well water and no pressure so it's very difficult if not impossible to get a lawn going, plus the turkeys ate everything) -I'm working out daily at the gym, but still not getting my eating under control. It's like I impulsively eat, and can't seem to control it when I'm doing it. Any suggestions, I'm open. I think that the stress I'm supressing is coming out in destructive eating -I bought some canvas yesterday and have some paintings planned, going to start with a twilight scene in the woods and there's a path. Something I saw in a dream, I was on the path and the brush gets very dense at times. Later, I have another picture that is further back in perspective and it's a mountain, with a path going up that splits and then meets a few times on the way up, finally meeting at the very top of the mountain. Another vision. H is on one path and I'm on the other. My path is shorter, so I have time to stop along the way and enjoy the view, pray to the Father, etc. H has a windy path that seems to take forever to reach the top of the mountain. If I rush along the shorter path, there's a chance that I can reach the top too fast and get impatient waiting for him and start back down the mountain in disappointment, before he reaches it. Then when he gets there, he may see signs of me being there before him, but I'll already be gone. Therefore, this vision showed me that I must take my time, and really enjoy the path - the journey itself - and not rush to the finish line.
I'm going to be doing some work around the house that H, my procrastinator H, has never gotten to. Can't wait to start on them, should take me less than a few hours to get it all done.
I have an appt on Monday to file bankruptcy, which I'm looking at as a new beginning. Hope H sees it that way when we meet at lunch.
M&H - That's great that you are keeping up your gym routine. Thumbs up. The eating part, I would think that stress is definitely a factor...everyone handles stress differently, some people can't eat (me) and some people overeat...don't beat yourself up over it, you will get it under control once you are more in control over the R & your financial situation
(((hugs)))
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
So, I'm just going on with my life like nothing is amiss. -God is a big part of it now, I pray a lot and he answers my prayers in ways that I am surprised at entirely. I KNOW he's working on H's heart, but I don't see the fruits of that yet.
Have you heard or felt God speaking to you about what you can change? About 3 weeks before WH told me (the most recent time) that he wants to move forward with D, my body and intuition was nagging me to change the arrangement of visitation we had going and to go dim. I couldn't eat(NOT LIKE ME!) I couldn't sleep, the next day didn't bring me comfort (like in the past). I tried to ignore it and justify it and said it was just me being impatient, scared and wanting to give up...but I really think it was God telling me it was time I did it. Well, I just was waiting for the right opportunity I guess, so when WH said he wanted to D, I implemented the changes then.
The reason why I tell you this is that my grandma reminded me that we can pray and ask for answers, but sometimes we get an answer and don't want to accept it. In my case, I wanted to explain away my feelings for wanting to go dim and not see that it was God telling me to do it! I said that it was reaction based on the last discussion WH brought up about D!
I really am not trying to talk you into changing something- your vision of the paths to the mountain is super clear and impressive! I am just sharing that we all do things in our own time, and that if we pray (or meditate), the answer will come to us if we can "hear it." And in my case, for many many months (12 to be exact), the answer was not clear...seriously. There wasn't an answer which to me, meant "wait. be patient. do not change anything."
Ok one more thing- I do think that there are events or timing that can help to launch a change...i.e. when you file for bankruptcy, perhaps that will start a chain of events that will cause you to change something. Perhaps not! But it would be a change in the status quo, right?
(NOT THAT YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT YET!You will know when you are ready!)
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Journaling: H is off to Montreal this weekend with his karate friends. I know in my heart that OW is going with him. I asked him what he was doing and he said in an angry tone "party, party, party." (This was in the context of a conversation where we were just making small talk together, so I didn't see it as me prying.) I just said "sounds like fun."
I am actually looking forward to doing some fun things this weekend. One is changing the bathroom colors. I think that every time H goes out on a weekend all through the summer, he will come home to one major improvement in the house. I don't know why but it just feels like a fun thing to do...
